The men of late night comedy struggled on their Monday shows to reconcile their support for President Joe Biden and his decision to pardon his son, Hunter. Some hosts decided to make the story about Republicans, while others made more “Biden is old” quips, while others welcomed the news, but hoped Democrats would apply the logic behind it to ordinary people too.
CBS’s Stephen Colbert declared on The Late Show, “I don't know if that was the right thing to do, but you certainly earned that ‘World's Greatest Dad’ mug.”
Colbert also theorized that “this pardon proves that with less than two months to go, Joe is officially out of malarkeys. And by 'malarkys,' I mean “[bleep].” I say he should go full bucket list. Just pardon everybody. Just load up those pardons to a nerf machine gun and go pop, pop, pop. Just hit 'em all. Pardon all the Jan 6 people before Trump can do it. That would really burn him up.”
Alluding to the idea Trump may target him, Colbert suggested, “You know what would really be funny, this would be really funny, if Joe pardoned, like, every late night host! And, just because I think it would be a funny bit, I would accept the pardon.”
As for the pardon itself, Colbert came close to crossing the line of criticizing Biden, but ultimately stopped just short, "The language is so broad that experts say we haven't seen a pardon as sweeping as Hunter Biden's in generations. So, it's less of a blanket pardon and more of a tarp. Now, one reason some people are upset is that Biden reversed his long-standing pledge not to use his presidential powers to protect his son and I get why they'd be angry. Does Biden's word mean nothing? Can we trust anything he says? When he goes, ‘I'm serious, folks, I'm not kiddin' around. No joke.’ Was he, in fact, kiddin' around, yes joke?"
Colbert left it there, but over at ABC, Jimmy Kimmel declared, “In other words, the Biden presidency has now entered the ‘Grandpa doesn't give a damn about what you think’ phase. Biden said he arrived at the decision to pardon Hunter over the weekend. The Bidens went to church in Nantucket on Saturday. At one point during the mass, Hunter turned to his father, he said, 'Dad, did you hear what the priest said about forgiveness?'"
Turning to conservative reaction to the news, Kimmel introduced a montage of various conservative media personalities and GOP politicians, “And of course, the right-wing media is going so nuts over this, you'd almost think they got a tape of Biden calling Georgia asking for 11,000 votes.”
Kimmel also struggled to reconcile his apparent belief Hunter should not have been pardoned with his party loyalties, “Everyone who voted to let a 34-time convicted felon off the hook is very mad about Joe Biden letting his son off the hook. And, by the way, I don't necessarily disagree. The guy committed crimes, but let's take a stroll through reality here. Not only did Trump pardon his son-in-law Jared's dad, who went to prison for hiring a hooker to frame his own brother-in-law, this weekend he named that same man U.S. ambassador to France. And yes, Joe Biden did say he wasn't going to pardon Hunter. But to be fair, there's a very good chance he doesn't remember saying that. Of course, Trump moved on this news like a bitch.”
Over at The Daily Show on Comedy Central, Monday host Jon Stewart acknowledged the hypocrisy, but sought to downplay it, “But you know what, ladies and gentlemen, hypocrisy isn't illegal, nor is it particularly unusual in politics. It's not like he's ever going to run again. So why not take care of your kid, even if you said you weren't gonna? I respect it. I don't have a problem with it. The problem is, the rest of the Democrats made Biden's pledge to not pardon Hunter the foundation of their defense of America, this grand experiment.
Part of the problem with people like Stewart and Kimmel is they think history began with Donald Trump, “Look, man, the Democrats made this case an example of why Americans should believe in our system. And it is hard. Democrats have the tougher road of defending our institutions and systems as being flawed but still valuable. Republicans just run on blowing this shit up. But at every turn, Democrats keep getting caught creating a purity test they can't seem to pass themselves.”
Stewart concluded by urging Democrats to expand on the reasoning behind the Hunter pardon, “The distance between the systems Democrats say they are revering, and the one that they're using when they need to is why people think it's rigged. Use the rules, use the loopholes, [bleep] the norms, but also use it to help the people! Not just those people related to you! All of us are somebody's son or somebody's daughter! And we all need that break too.”
Finally, over at NBC and The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon quipped, “Yeah, Biden went back on his long-standing pledge to not use his presidential powers to protect his son. In Biden's defense, there's a 99 percent chance that he forgot he said that.”
Fallon’s NBC colleague, Late Night's Seth Meyers, has the week off.
Here are transcripts for the December 2 shows:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
12/2/2024
11:37 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: With Thanksgiving behind us, we are now strapped to a runaway sleigh, careening toward Christmas Junction, and one family opened their gifts a little early this year, because yesterday, Joe Biden gave a full pardon to his son Hunter. You go, Joe.
You go! I don't know if that was the right thing to do, but you certainly earned that "World's Greatest Dad" mug. Now, Biden announced it last night, right, he announced it last night, but technically, he snuck Hunter's pardon in last week while he was doing the turkeys.
I think this pardon proves that with less than two months to go, Joe is officially out of malarkeys. And by 'malarkys,' I mean “[bleep].” I say he should go full bucket list. Just pardon everybody. Just load up those pardons to a nerf machine gun and go pop, pop, pop. Just hit 'em all. Pardon all the Jan 6 people before Trump can do it. That would really burn him up.
Or, you know what would really be funny, this would be really funny, if Joe pardoned, like, every late night host! And, just because I think it would be a funny bit, I would accept the pardon.
Now, this pardon doesn't just cover the charges Hunter is currently facing but also "Offenses against the United States which he has committed or may have committed or taken part in during the period from January 1, 2014 through December 1, 2024."
Coincidentally, that's also the window of time for the Comcast guy to arrive. The language is so broad that experts say we haven't seen a pardon as sweeping as Hunter Biden's in generations. So, it's less of a blanket pardon and more of a tarp.
Now, one reason some people are upset is that Biden reversed his long-standing pledge not to use his presidential powers to protect his son and I get why they'd be angry. Does Biden's word mean nothing? Can we trust anything he says? When he goes, "I'm serious, folks, I'm not kiddin' around. No joke." Was he, in fact, kiddin' around, yes joke?"
***
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
12/2/2024
11:41 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: Now, I am not a presidential historian, but I believe this is the first time a U.S. president has pardoned both his son and a turkey in the same week. Biden released a statement saying that the charges in Hunter's case were politically motivated and that his son was "selectively and unfairly prosecuted."
In other words, the Biden presidency has now entered the "Grandpa doesn't give a damn about what you think" phase. Biden said he arrived at the decision to pardon Hunter over the weekend. The Bidens went to church in Nantucket on Saturday. At one point during the mass, Hunter turned to his father, he said, "Dad, did you hear what the priest said about forgiveness?"
And it was done. I wonder if Joe now has to get Hunter anything for Christmas? This is good enough, right? And of course, the right-wing media is going so nuts over this, you'd almost think they got a tape of Biden calling Georgia asking for 11,000 votes.
JEANINE PIRRO: Joe Biden has lied to us from the get-go.
AINSLEY EARHARDT: You lied to us.
KAT CAMMACK: He has now graduated to the liar-in-chief.
CHARLES PAYNE: It's a true travesty against everybody in this country.
THOMAS DUPREE: This is just total disrespect for the rule of law.
KISA MCCLAIN: Hypocrisy at its best and a threat to democracy.
KAYLEIGH MCENANY: Melania Trump has her closet raided by Merrick Garland's DOJ and then Biden's White House pardons his son. People see the disparity.
CHARLES MARINO: This whole thing stinks.
CHRIS ALONZO: I woke up today, I am absolutely furious with this.
MARK ALFORD: He and his family are so full of slime that Nickelodeon is going to sue for trademark infringement.
KIMMEL: Good one. I bet you haven't used that joke 55,000 times. This is-- they have to be kidding, right? Everyone who voted to let a 34-time convicted felon off the hook is very mad about Joe Biden letting his son off the hook. And, by the way, I don't necessarily disagree. The guy committed crimes, but let's take a stroll through reality here. Not only did Trump pardon his son-in-law Jared's dad, who went to prison for hiring a hooker to frame his own brother-in-law, this weekend he named that same man U.S. ambassador to France.
And yes, Joe Biden did say he wasn't going to pardon Hunter. But to be fair, there's a very good chance he doesn't remember saying that.
Of course, Trump moved on this news like a bitch. He wrote, "Does the pardon given by Joe to Hunter include the J-6 hostages, who have now been imprisoned for years?" No, it doesn't. But it'd be pretty funny if it did, right? "I hereby pardon my son, Hunter, and what the hell, the Q-Anon Shaman too!"
***
Comedy Central The Daily Show
12/2/2024
11:08 PM ET
JON STEWART: But you know what, ladies and gentlemen, hypocrisy isn't illegal, nor is it particularly unusual in politics. It's not like he's ever going to run again. So why not take care of your kid, even if you said you weren't gonna? I respect it. I don't have a problem with it. The problem is, the rest of the Democrats made Biden's pledge to not pardon Hunter the foundation of their defense of America, this grand experiment.
…
Look, man, the Democrats made this case an example of why Americans should believe in our system. And it is hard. Democrats have the tougher road of defending our institutions and systems as being flawed but still valuable. Republicans just run on blowing this shit up. But at every turn, Democrats keep getting caught creating a purity test they can't seem to pass themselves.
…
Rules, loopholes, and norms! The distance between the systems Democrats say they are revering, and the one that they're using when they need to is why people think it's rigged. Use the rules, use the loopholes, [bleep] the norms, but also use it to help the people! Not just those people related to you! All of us are somebody's son or somebody's daughter! And we all need that break too.
***
NBC The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
12/2/2024
11:37 PM ET
JIMMY FALLON: Yeah, it was a big shopping weekend and millions of people got great deals, but nobody got a better deal than Hunter Biden. That's right. Last night, president Biden announced that he's pardoning his son, Hunter. Democrats are divided. Some of them are upset, while others are Hunter Biden.Yeah, both Republicans and Democrats are upset. It's kind of nice. It's like for his last act as president, Biden united the country. Isn't that nice? Yeah, Biden went back on his long-standing pledge to not use his presidential powers to protect his son. In Biden's defense, there's a 99 percent chance that he forgot he said that.
