All of the late night comedy hosts discussed day one of the Biden document scandal on their Tuesday shows to differing degrees of hackery. When Wednesday brought revelations of a second batch of documents, only three could manage to discuss with NBC’s Seth Meyers and ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel main takeaway being how terrible Republicans are.
Of the trio to actually discuss the matter, Meyers was the most partisan on Late Night. His jokes about Biden were not regarding the actual scandal, but his age, “President Biden said yesterday that he was surprised by the news that classified documents were found in his old think tank office, and added he wasn't sure what was in the files. Ah, yes, the ol' grandpa caught shoplifting maneuver”
Later, during his Closer Look segment, Meyers sought to reassure viewers that the Biden scandal is far different than the Trump one. After playing two clips of CNN’s Evan Perez, Meyers teed up a side-by-side comparison of Usain Bolt and Mike Pence and declared, “So, a few similarities, but mostly huge differences. Calling them the same is like calling both of these guys Olympic sprinters.”
Introducing another series of news clips, Meyers lamented, “Trump, on the other hand, was given multiple opportunities to come clean and refused, and yet, that has not stopped newly empowered Republicans from equating the two situations in the dumbest way possible.”
Over at Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host wondered why “Can't we tie a big spoon to these documents like they do with the gas station bathroom key? We're one episode of Storage Wars away from finding out who killed JFK.”
Kimmel also got in a few jabs about Biden’s age before returning to the main point of the scandal, “any time documents are mishandled, top secret documents, it needs to be taken seriously. That's something Republicans and Democrats believe. Although Republicans have only believed it since Monday.”
After playing an audio clip of former President Trump, Kimmel left the Biden angle aside to focus on Trump, “Yeah, they actually kind of encourage you to take those documents home when you're president. They say ‘lay them all over the bed and roll in them and enjoy, relax.’"
He then repeated his Tuesday suggestion that Trump and Biden’s punishment should be to share a cell together broadcast on C-SPAN 2 or Bravo.
For the second night in a row CBS The Late Late Show host James Corden was the one least inclined to make Biden’s scandal about Trump, “Imagine how weird it would be if that second location was Mar-a-Lago. Biden's just kept a room there this whole time. It's in moments like this, I genuinely feel it's a shame that Trump isn't on Twitter, like, for these moments. We can really use the nickname Hidin' Biden right now.”
Before Corden, his fellow CBS late night talker Stephen Colbert could not find the time to discuss the matter on The Late Show, but he did have time to mock the racial makeup of House Republicans, “They've got eggshell, vanilla, Band-Aid, Band-Aid with glasses. Everything. No surprise, congresswoman Elise Stefanik agreed with Hannity.”
After playing a clip of Rep. Elise Stefanik on Hannity seemingly debunking his point by highlighting, “We have more women than ever elected before, more Hispanic members ever elected before, more African-American members in modern history,” Colbert replied, “And that's just George Santos. And it gets more because the new Republican majority will have twice as many men named ‘Mike’ as there are women chairing committees.”
NBC The Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon also did not discuss the document scandal, but was less of a hack than Colbert, getting in a joke about both sides, “That's right, Biden said, ‘You can keep your gas stove, but you have to wear an N95 while you use it.’ Some more political news today, New York Republicans called on Congressman George Santos to resign, and Santos responded, saying he won't. But since it's Santos, that means he will, maybe. Santos said he's not a quitter, and he proved it at the '92 Olympics where he won five gold medals.”
Meyers was sponsored by Dove, Kimmel by Tums, Corden by Progressive, Colbert by Applebee’s, and Fallon by McDonald’s.
Here are transcripts for the January 11-taped shows:
NBC Late Night with Seth Meyers
1/12/2023
12:37 AM ET
SETH MEYERS: President Biden said yesterday that he was surprised by the news that classified documents were found in his old think tank office, and added he wasn't sure what was in the files. Ah, yes, the ol' grandpa caught shoplifting maneuver
"Uh-oh, what's that? There's something in my pocket oh, a Charleston Chew? How could that happen?" After classified documents were found in his old think tank office, President Biden said yesterday, "People know I take classified documents, classified information seriously.” He then added, "Even the aliens at Area 51 know that. Damn it!"
…
12:50
MEYERS: Now you’ve all heard about the Mar-a-Lago search that turned up stolen classified documents. Well, this week we also learned lawyers from Biden found a few documents from his time as vice president in a private office. They immediately notified authorities at the National Archives and had the documents returned and then right as we started taping this show, we found out that Biden aides found a second batch of classified documents in a new location with NBC News reporting that the classification level number and the precise location of the additional documents was not immediately clear.
So, we don't have all the details yet. And as they come out, we'll definitely discuss them, but so far, the two situations seem very different.
EVAN PEREZ [JANUARY 9]: The difference here is that according to the White House, it was the president's legal team that reached out to NARA to turn over these documents as opposed to with Trump who fought for months and months not to turn over documents that the Archives said needed to be turned over.
PEREZ [JANUARY 10]: The FBI said it obtained evidence showing that boxes of documents were being moved from a storage room where they were supposed to be kept. And that prompted the Justice Department to open an obstruction investigation and conduct the extraordinary search of Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort where the FBI says they found even more classified documents.
MEYERS: So, a few similarities, but mostly huge differences. Calling them the same is like calling both of these guys Olympic sprinters. When Biden's lawyers found the small number of documents, they immediately turned them over. Trump, on the other hand, kept refusing the FBI, kept finding more documents, totaling over 300, even after Trump claimed he had handed them all over. He was even moving boxes of classified boxes of documents around for some reason, which is suspicious, no matter what's inside if I had a box that I kept moving every time my wife asked me to get rid of it, she would start to get curious, even though I clearly labeled it work stuff, not action figures I overpaid for on eBay. Biden voluntarily handed them over without even being asked. Trump, on the other hand, was given multiple opportunities to come clean and refused, and yet, that has not stopped newly empowered Republicans from equating the two situations in the dumbest way possible.
JASON CHAFFETZ: Why aren't they in there right now with subpoenas going through every single record there?
DANA LOESCH: Where's the raid?
JESSE WATTERS: Classified documents. Right. Where is the raid? And let me –
LOESCH: Where's the FBI raid?
ELIE HONIG: We have a quote here from Representative James Comer from the Oversight Committee who said, quote, "Is the White House going to be raided tonight? Are they going to raid the Biden Center?"
ADRIANA DIAZ: Monday night in a post, Trump asked, "When is the FBI going to raid the many homes of Joe Biden, perhaps even the White House?
MEYERS: The FBI doesn't raid someone who's already cooperating. "FBI, we're here for the documents! "Oh, yeah, we turned them in yesterday.” "Oh. Oh, okay" "You seem bummed.” "Yeah, no, it's just we put on our windbreakers and everything and -- would you mind -- is this dumb? Can we kick in your door” “No, it is dumb." "We're going to go."
The only way it would ever make sense to raid someone who is cooperating with the feds is they're a secret undercover informant, and you're trying to maintain their cover but I don't think that's the case here, because Biden -- look Biden would make a bad undercover cop, he's too loud. He makes too many gaffes "Hey, you guys doing an illegal drug deal here I like illegal drugs." "Why don't you guys sell me some of those illegal drugs? I'm not a cop. I'm just your average –
RYAN ZINKE: American cowboy.
***
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
1/11/2023
11:41 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: Speaking of forgetful seniors, President Biden, on Monday, we learned that lawyers for Joe Biden happened upon a handful of classified documents in a private office he used at the University of Pennsylvania. Now today, NBC news is reporting that aides have discovered what has been described as a "Batch of additional materials" at another location.
Can't we tie a big spoon to these documents like they do with the gas station bathroom key? We're one episode of Storage Wars away from finding out who killed JFK. So, staffers for Joe Biden are now searching everywhere he could have possibly left documents. His knapsack, his pillow organizer, under the Arch at the 1904 World's Fair. It could be anywhere. They could be in a birthday card he sent to his grandkids next to a crisp two-dollar bill. No one knows. And of course, any time documents are mishandled, top secret documents, it needs to be taken seriously. That's something Republicans and Democrats believe. Although Republicans have only believed it since Monday. And of course, President Trump who was probably sitting on 25 piles of classified documents when he heard the news, is absolutely outraged.
…
KIMMEL: Yeah, they actually kind of encourage you to take those documents home when you're president. They say "lay them all over the bed and roll in them and enjoy, relax." I don't know how many documents there are. All I do know is that the documents weren't where they were supposed to be in both cases. And as far as what we do about, put this idea out there last night, I say I think we have to put Donald Trump and Joe Biden in a cell together and stream it live 24/7 on TV. Maybe we put it on C-SPAN 2. Maybe if they start feeling attracted to each other we put on it Bravo, I don't know. We put them in there until they either choke each other out or make friends. And at the end maybe we all make friends too. I mean, it's a great idea.
***
CBS
The Late Late Show with James Corden
1/12/2023
12:42
JAMES CORDEN: And aides to President Biden have found a second batch of classified documents from his time in the Obama Administration, this time, at a different location. No other details have come out about this yet. Imagine how weird it would be if that second location was Mar-a-Lago. Biden's just kept a room there this whole time. It's in moments like this, I genuinely feel it's a shame that Trump isn't on Twitter, like, for these moments. We can really use the nickname Hidin' Biden right now.
I will say in Biden's defense, I'm 100% taking home classified documents when I leave here and by classified documents, I mean the photos I have of Mark naked.
***
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
1/11/2023
11:40 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: Absolutely. Just look at the Republican rainbow of inclusion! They've got it all, the full spectrum. They got, just look at that photo. They've got eggshell, vanilla, Band-Aid, Band-Aid with glasses. Everything. No surprise, congresswoman Elise Stefanik agreed with Hannity.
ELISE STEFANIK: We have more women than ever elected before, more Hispanic members ever elected before, more African-American members in modern history.
COLBERT: And that's just George Santos. And it gets more because the new Republican majority will have twice as many men named "Mike" as there are women chairing committees.
***
NBC The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
1/11/2023
11:39 PM ET
JIMMY FALLON: That's right, Biden said, "You can keep your gas stove, but you have to wear an N95 while you use it." Some more political news today, New York Republicans called on Congressman George Santos to resign, and Santos responded, saying he won't. But since it's Santos, that means he will, maybe. Santos said he's not a quitter, and he proved it at the '92 Olympics where he won five gold medals.
