Larry King: "Before we talk about your folks and freebies, what do you make of Ted Haggard, the minister and the choir boy?"
Kathy Griffin: "I love it. I think it's hysterical because it's always, like, the ultra-right-wing conservatives that are banging the kids and the prostitutes and doing the crystal meth. Foley, delicious. Did you read those e-mails? ‘Do I make you horny?’ ‘No, grandpa, back off. And I'm changing the lock to the dorm.’ I mean, you know, if you're doing that stuff, don't be on the ethics committees, don't be a preacher. I saw that documentary, ‘Jesus Camp’ because you guys showed a clip of it on the show. He's kind of busted on that. He's all freaky."
King: "The hypocrisy of it all."
Griffin: "Well, of course. Of course. It's funny, but it's also ridiculous."
(It’s unclear whether King was being sarcastic when he referred to Mike Jones, the male escort with whom Ted Haggard had an affair with, as a "choir boy." Perhaps he was just confused.) Earlier in the show, responding to King’s questioning about a U.S. Marine that she’s friendly with, Griffin used an old line to describe her liberalism:
King: "How does he feel about your being opposed to the war?"
Griffin: "Oh, he doesn't care. I mean, you know, what I learned when I went to Iraq is that they fight very hard to be apolitical. They can't do their job. And, you know, they were so -- so many of the troops came up to me and said, ‘You know, we don't care what your political leanings are, we just love that you came here to make us laugh.' And, you know, I'm so far to the left, I'm not even a Democrat. I'm a Sandinista. I'm registered with the Sandinista Party. I don't even -- I don't have a party, Larry."
Finally, the basic cable comedienne gleefully described how she makes fun of her Catholic parents:
King: "Now what about your parents and freebies?"
Griffin: "Well, my parents -- first of all my parents love the Dollar Store. They're super obsessed with getting like Mexican toothpaste and stuff. And my mom will buy anything for a dollar whether she uses it or not. But they were so bitter when the 98-cent store opened up a mile away because my mom couldn't stop thinking about the two cents she lost. But yes, my parents are depression era and my mom's expression is ‘Use it up, wear it out, make it due.’ And she loves to say, ‘I was doing recycling before recycling was cool.’ But they're very funny. You know, my parents are Irish Catholic. My mom's very Catholic and I'm what you would call a fallen Catholic."
King: "Does your mom go to mass?"
Griffin: "Oh yes, they still go to mass, you know. You know, and I love to torture my parents. I'm terrible. I make fun of them with all the scandal with the archdiocese and being inappropriate with the kids. And my mom's response is, ‘not all of them.’ That's her defense."
King: "Why did you fall off the wayside?"
Griffin: "I don't know. I just don't believe in any of that crap. I mean I think when you're a comedian, you kind of can't have those sensors and boundaries."
King: "When did you turn, at what age?"
Griffin: "Like, high school. I tried to become a Unitarian and my parents were furious with me. And to this day I really don't what the Unitarians believe, but I knew I wanted to be part of them."
Notice how Larry King, a grand member of the mainstream media, didn’t even flinch when Griffin referred to Christianity as "crap." Replace that with Islam, homosexuality, or an ethnic group and what would be the result? Does anyone believe that the CNN anchor would react with such blitheness?
Griffin’s December 5 appearance on Larry King is actually tame for her. On September 10, 2005, she appeared on Comedy Central’s "Weekends at the DL" and frothed at the mouth with this venomous, anti-conservative rant:
Griffin: "The President is a moron! I'm saying it. I don't care. He's an idiot. Cheney is evil. I'm sick of, impeach them, get them out! I hate them! I hate them. Get them out. They got to go!...You shouldn't give any money to religion, religion should be free, what are you sending money to religion for, it's such BS....What do you watch O'Reilly for? He's a moron, he's a fool. O'Reilly's an idiot! He and Hannity can suck it! I hate those two idiots...It's disgusting! What is it going to take for you people? Get Bush out! Impeach. Out! Out! Out!"
(The above comments ended up as finalists in the MRC's 2005 DisHonors Awards.)
A transcript of the relevant portion, which aired at 9:26pm on December 5, follows:
Larry King: "You met a guy in Iraq and you -- did you take him -- did he go AWOL? Did you bring him back?
Kathy Griffin: "He was in insurgent. No. He- His name is Major Todd Brazzile (sp?) and he's very, very-"
King: "Oh, a major--"
Griffin: "-Hot and sexy. He's actually going to school now to be a lieutenant colonel, so-"
King: "This -- there is a picture of him. Is this-"
Griffin: "Oh, he's cute, isn't he? He's very hot."
King: "Is this serious?"
Griffin: "It's not serious because he's in D.C. and he's probably going to go back to Iraq and, you know, he's very busy. But I see him when I can. He's very, very wonderful."
King: "How does he feel about your being opposed to the war?"
Griffin: Oh, he doesn't care. I mean, you know, what I learned when I went to Iraq is that they fight very hard to be apolitical. They can't do their job. And, you know, they were so -- so many of the troops came up to me and said, ‘You know, we don't care what your political leanings are, we just love that you came here to make us laugh. And, you know, I'm so far to the left, I'm not even a Democrat. I'm a Sandinista. I'm registered with the Sandinista Party. I don't even -- I don't have a party, Larry."9:49pm
King: "Before we talk about your folks and freebies, what do you make of Ted Haggard, the minister and the choir boy?"
Griffin: "I love it. I think it's hysterical because it's always, like, the ultra-right-wing conservatives that are banging the kids and the prostitutes and doing the crystal meth. Foley, delicious. Did you read those e-mails? 'Do I make you horny?' ‘No, grandpa, back off. And I'm changing the lock to the dorm.' I mean, you know, if you're doing that stuff, don't be on the ethic committees, don't be a preacher. I saw that documentary, ‘Jesus Camp’ because you guys showed a clip of it on the show. He's kind of busted on that. He's all freaky."
King: "The hypocrisy of it all."
Griffin: "Well, of course. Of course. It's funny, but it's also ridiculous."9:52pm
King: "Now what about your parents and freebies?"
Griffin: "Well, my parents -- first of all my parents love the Dollar Store. They're super obsessed with getting like Mexican toothpaste and stuff. And my mom will buy anything for a dollar whether she uses it or not. But they were so bitter when the 98-cent store opened up a mile away because my mom couldn't stop thinking about the two cents she lost. But yes, my parents are depression era and my mom's expression is ‘Use it up, wear it out, make it due.’ And she loves to say ‘I was doing recycling before recycling was cool.' But they're very funny. You know, my parents are Irish Catholic. My mom's very Catholic and I'm what you would call a fallen Catholic."
King: "Does your mom go to mass?"
Griffin: "Oh yes, they still go to mass, you know. You know, and I love to torture my parents. I'm terrible. I make fun of them with all the scandal with the archdiocese and being inappropriate with the kids. And my mom's response is, ‘not all of them.’ That's her defense."
King: "Why did you fall off the wayside?"
Griffin: "I don't know. I just don't believe in any of that crap. I mean I think when you're a comedian, you kind of can't have those sensors and boundaries."
King: "When did you turn, at what age?"
Griffin: "Like high school. I tried to become a unitarian and my parents were furious with me. And to this day I really don't the unitarians believe, but I knew I wanted to be part of them."
