On his Sunday HBO show, Last Week Tonight host John Oliver mused about the sex lives of Donald Trump and JD Vance, all while insisting that they are the “weird” ones.
After playing a clip of Trump defending himself and Vance from the “weird” accusation, Oliver began his descent into Freudian non-sequiturs by recalling the fake news story about Vance having sex with a couch, “But that is the weirdest possible way to address that accusation. ‘He's a solid rock. I happen to be a very solid rock.’ What are you talking about? I'm not sure I'd describe any part of JD Vance as ‘Rock solid.’ Unless, of course, he was in a West Elm showroom.”
Oliver was just getting started, “Though Trump's half right! He and Vance are lots of things: they're misogynists, narcissists, men who cum dead silent, plausible Masked Singer contestants. But they are also deeply weird. And each day seems to bring new evidence of Vance failing to connect with ordinary Americans from being booed by firefighters, whom he referred to as ‘haters,’ to the viral clip of him utterly failing to make small talk in a donut shop.”
Meanwhile, Kamala Harris will not be booed at a speech because restricts herself to friendly venues. Additionally, the late night comedians love the Democratic talking point that Republicans are weird, but they also enjoy the sex lives of various GOP politicians, so who are the weird ones again?
As it was, Oliver was not done with the sex talk. Later, after a clip of Trump’s address to the Economic Club of New York, he mocked, “What was that? That applause isn't satisfaction with the answer, it's relief that it's finally over. That is the public-speaking equivalent of an audience faking an orgasm. ‘You did it, you did it, you can stop now, please.’"
Oliver then declared, “Look, the bad news is, for the next two months we're going to be subjected to an excruciating amount of nonsense like that. The good news is, come November, there's a chance for America to reject that bullshit once and possibly forever. And if that happens, it's hard to put into words how liberating that might feel.”
Later in the show, Oliver switched gears to attacking Republicans past and present for not being supporters of free universal school lunches, referring to Rep. Virginia Foxx as “heartless” and one Minnesota lawmaker as an “asshole.”
Here is a transcript for the September 8 show:
HBO Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
9/9/2024
11:05 PM ET
JOHN OLIVER: But that is the weirdest possible way to address that accusation. "He's a solid rock. I happen to be a very solid rock." What are you talking about? I'm not sure I'd describe any part of JD Vance as "Rock solid." Unless, of course, he was in a West Elm showroom.
Though Trump's half right! He and Vance are lots of things: they're misogynists, narcissists, men who cum dead silent, plausible Masked Singer contestants. But they are also deeply weird. And each day seems to bring new evidence of Vance failing to connect with ordinary Americans from being booed by firefighters, whom he referred to as “haters,” to the viral clip of him utterly failing to make small talk in a donut shop, with the low being this.
…
11:10 PM ET
OLIVER: What was that? That applause isn't satisfaction with the answer, it's relief that it's finally over. That is the public-speaking equivalent of an audience faking an orgasm. "You did it, you did it, you can stop now, please."
But look at his answer. This is the full text. It's like ChatGPT having a mental breakdown. A bunch of incoherent rambling around nonspecific implications that tariffs will fix everything, which of course, they won't.
Look, the bad news is, for the next two months we're going to be subjected to an excruciating amount of nonsense like that. The good news is, come November, there's a chance for America to reject that bullshit once and possibly forever. And if that happens, it's hard to put into words how liberating that might feel. Luckily, I know of one particular sticker that gets that feeling across pretty fucking well.
