"How come he didn’t get a rescue dog? He should have gotten a rescue dog." I’m like, the man has to rescue a country that’s been abused by its previous owner.
Sykes also went on an extended riff about how beautiful Michelle Obama is, much more beautiful than Barbara Bush:
We gotta get used to having a beautiful First Lady, too. First Lady who likes to show some skin. I like that. Heard some s–t because she went sleeveless. The country is broke. Sleeves cost money, alright? (Laughter) They were sick because she was wearing shorts. I like that. She should show her skin. She has beautiful skin. She has beautiful arms. Show those arms off. Right?
Now some of the previous First Ladies, yeah, they needed sleeves. Barbara Bush shoulda been in a poncho. Those are [flaps her upper arms to wild laughter]...All that flappin’ around. Nobody wanted to see that. At least tattoo the flag on there or something [flaps both upper arms for comic effect].
Show those arms off, Michelle. You’ve got nice arms. I love that. Plus you let all those other little floozy girls, let all those little interns and s–t know, let 'em know, ‘Alright, you can try some s–t with my man if you want, but you’re going to get one of these babies around your scrawny neck!’ [Makes a Hans-and-Franz pose flexing her arms to raucous laughter.]
Okay, I laughed at the tattoo thing, but it certainly isn't nice or exactly fair. Michelle is 45 (just like Sykes). Barbara Bush was 64 in her first year at the White House.
Sykes then went on to joke that there's no need for adultery worries, that the Obamas were having a lot of sex inside the White House, with the typical line, "Oh, you want my stimulus package, huh?"
Sykes was also upset that the Obama White House had to face the issue of pirates off the coast of Somalia – so much so that she proposed not waterboarding a pirate, but amputation:
I was so pissed. You know, the one that we caught, we should have made an example out of him. Yeah, they should chop his leg off put a broom handle up there, put a hook on his hand, put a parrot on his shoulder, slap an eye patch on him and kick his ass back to Somalia. 'That’s a f—in’ pirate!'
Remember this the next time someone gets outraged that Rush Limbaugh mocked Abu Ghraib. A naked pyramid is a bit shy of an amputation.
