Being on the West Coast, ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel had the ability to react to President Donald Trump’s address to Congress on his Tuesday show. Naturally, Kimmel’s reaction included plenty of insults directed Trump’s way, but he also suggested Speaker Mike Johnson got an erection when he kicked Rep. Al Green out of the chamber for disruptive behavior.
Kimmel observed how, “this is the fifth time Trump has addressed Congress, and he got quite an introduction from the sergeant at arms.”
In the following clip, a satirical sergeant of arms was shown introducing Trump how Kimmel wished the real one would have, “Mr. Speaker, members of Congress, please welcome Diaper Donnie, Manboob Mussolini, Captain Bone Spurs, Mar-a-Lardo, The Notorious P.I.G., General Von Shitzenpants, Putin's Corn Bucket, His Flatulency, the president of the United States, Donald ‘Jelly Belly’ Trump.”
After the video, Kimmel continued, “Yeah, there you see members of the Trump family, Eric, Lara, Don Jr., Jared, Ivanka, even Melania showed up, so Democrats weren't the only people who hate him there.”
Turning to Trump’s approval ratings, Kimmel declared, “According to a new poll from CNN, 52 percent of Americans do not approve of the way Trump is handling his job as president. The other 48 percent responded in Russian.”
Staying on the theme of polls, Kimmel continued, “I don't know if you saw this, but kind of a funny poll. Ninety percent of Democrats disapprove of Trump; 90 percent of Republicans approve. First of all, who are these crazy 10 percent of Democrats who approve of what he's doing? And who are these crazy 90 percent of Republicans who approve of what he's doing? And why is this happening to us again? It's like we remarried an ex-husband and now we're like, 'Oh, right, he cheats and steals and farts and snores all the time.'”
As for the speech itself, Kimmel proclaimed, “It was a ridiculous speech. He talked about a guy hitting a woman in the face with a volleyball. He bragged about his $5 million immigrant gold card. He said he's put an end to transgender mice. He told our farmers to have a lot of fun and said the days of unelected bureaucrats are over, with Elon standing right there clapping like an imbecile. Yay for unelected bureaucrats. Trump touted many of his executive orders, including an order he issued on Saturday that makes English the official language of the United States. Finally, we can speak English again in this country.”
When it came to Democrats’ histrionics, Kimmel decided to focus on Johnson’s response, “Some Democrats were yelling at Trump, to the point where a very unhappy Keebler elf bobblehead doll jumped out of his booster seat to throw Texas Congressman Al Green out of the House.”
Following a video of the incident, Kimmel added, “Oh, man. Little Mike’s Johnson is going to be standing up very proud tonight when he gets home. ‘Remove this gentleman from the chamber. And bring me my pouch of nuts.’"
Yup, ABC’s funny man decided there was no comedic material in Democrats’ juvenile behavior but thought insisting on professional decorum gave Johnson an erection.
As it was, Kimmel then played a clip of Trump declaring, “And once again, I look at the Democrats in front of me, and I realize there is absolutely nothing I can say to make them happy or to make them stand or smile or applaud. Nothing I can do.”
Kimmel followed with a suggestion, “You could quit. You could go back to Mar-a-Lago and shove your head down that gold toilet for a few months, we’d like that, maybe you’ll find those secret documents you flushed.”
At the same time, maybe Kimmel can find some unique material, as both he and Stephen Colbert had the same sad reaction to that part of Trump’s speech.
Here is a transcript for the March 4 show:
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
3/4/2024
11:59 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: But this is the fifth time Trump has addressed Congress, and he got quite an introduction from the sergeant at arms.
MALE VOICE: Mr. Speaker, members of Congress, please welcome Diaper Donnie, Manboob Mussolini, Captain Bone Spurs, Mar-a-Lardo, The Notorious P.I.G., General Von Shitzenpants, Putin's Corn Bucket, His Flatulency, the president of the United States, Donald "Jelly Belly" Trump!
KIMMEL: Yeah, there you see members of the Trump family, Eric, Lara, Don Jr., Jared, Ivanka, even Melania showed up, so Democrats weren't the only people who hate him there.
Trump went into the speech tonight with a negative approval rating, which is rare for a new president. According to a new poll from CNN, 52 percent of Americans do not approve of the way Trump is handling his job as president. The other 48 percent responded in Russian, so we don't know exactly—
It is kind of -- I don't know if you saw this, but kind of a funny poll. Ninety percent of Democrats disapprove of Trump; 90 percent of Republicans approve. First of all, who are these crazy 10 percent of Democrats who approve of what he's doing? And who are these crazy 90 percent of Republicans who approve of what he's doing? And why is this happening to us again? It's like we remarried an ex-husband and now we're like, “Oh, right, he cheats and steals and farts and snores all the time.”
…
It was a ridiculous speech. He talked about a guy hitting a woman in the face with a volleyball. He bragged about his $5 million immigrant gold card. He said he's put an end to transgender mice. He told our farmers to have a lot of fun and said the days of unelected bureaucrats are over, with Elon standing right there clapping like an imbecile. Yay for unelected bureaucrats. Trump touted many of his executive orders, including an order he issued on Saturday that makes English the official language of the United States. Finally, we can speak English again in this country.
…
Some Democrats were yelling at Trump, to the point where a very unhappy Keebler elf bobblehead doll jumped out of his booster seat to throw Texas Congressman Al Green out of the House.
MIKE JOHNSON: Mr. Green, take your seat. Take your seat, sir. Take your seat. Finding that members continue to engage in willful and concerted disruption of proper decorum, the chairman directs the sergeant at arms to restore order. Remove this gentleman from the chamber.
KIMMEL: Oh, man. Little Mike’s Johnson is going to be standing up very proud tonight when he gets home. "Remove this gentleman from the chamber. And bring me my pouch of nuts." Trump did reach across the aisle to whine that no matter how much good he does for Democrats, it's never good enough.
DONALD TRUMP: And once again, I look at the Democrats in front of me, and I realize there is absolutely nothing I can say to make them happy or to make them stand or smile or applaud. Nothing I can do.
KIMMEL: You could quit. You could go back to Mar-a-Lago and shove your head down that gold toilet for a few months, we’d like that, maybe you’ll find those secret documents you flushed.
