Actor Haley Joel Osment reprised his role as Vice President JD Vance on Tuesday’s edition of Jimmy Kimmel Live! on ABC, where he joined the eponymous host for an interview where he could not decide whether he was a sex-confused weirdo or sexual freak.
The “interview” came as the real Vance traveled to Paris for an AI summit with other world leaders, but Kimmel asked the fake Vance, “What is it that you are doing in France?”
Osment replied, “I am in France to find that place where the naked ladies dance and shut it down.”
Kimmel then wondered, “Okay, and how's that going so far?”
Pulling a handful of baguettes out of a bathtub, Osment lamented that “Lord Jesus hath not prepared me for the moral depravity over here. I have personally confiscated dozens of dildos from the bicycle baskets of these hairy-pated perverts. Look! They call them bag-wets.”
Kimmel insisted, “No, they don’t. I think that's just a loaf of bread you're holding.”
Osment then switched personas, from the uptight conservative to alluding to the myth that claims Vance once had sex with a couch, “Oh, well. You won't want to eat one after what I done with it.”
Taking a break from the sex talk, Kimmel referenced new footage from President Donald Trump’s recent Super Bowl interview, “Oh, speaking of Daddy Donald, did you hear what Trump said about you being his successor?” After Osment claimed he hadn’t, Kimmel continued, “He said he doesn't see you as his successor.”
A despondent Osment wailed, “No, he didn't… It's fine, I'm sure he's right. He's always right.”
The skit then returned to the sex stuff, with Kimmel wondering, “Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Are you at least seeing the sights in Paris?”
Osment claimed that, “I went to a museum known as The Lube,” to which Kimmel corrected him, “It's The Louvre. The Louvre.”
Still alluding to the couch lie, Osment asked, “Whatever these Frenchies call it, I was rudely kicked out for ‘acting inappropriate.’ Why did they even call it French kissing if you can't sex lick the Mona Lisa?”
Later, Osment dropped the allusions and asked "Have you ever heard of a chaise longue?" After Kimmel affirmed he had, Osment continued, "Well, I found one and tonight, I'm going to [bleep] It. Don't tell Usha."
It wasn’t that long ago when Jimmy Kimmel insisted that he and his team rigorously fact-check his jokes before he goes on stage. As it turns out, that itself wasn’t completely accurate.
Here is a transcript for the February 11 show:
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
2/11/2025
11:46 PM ET
KIMMEL: Are you enjoying your time in Paris?
HALEY JOEL OSMENT: [AS JD VANCE]: Heck, no, I am not. I ate what I thought was a booger yesterday, it turned out to be a snail, yuck.
KIMMEL: What is it that you are doing in France?
OSMENT: I am in France to find that place where the naked ladies dance and shut it down.
KIMMEL: Okay, and how's that going so far?
OSMENT: Lord Jesus hath not prepared me for the moral depravity over here. I have personally confiscated dozens of dildos from the bicycle baskets of these hairy-pated perverts. Look!
KIMMEL: No, those are --
OSMENT: They call them bag-wets.
KIMMEL: No, they don’t. I think that's just a loaf of bread you're holding.
OSMENT: Oh, well. You won't want to eat one after what I done with it.
KIMMEL: Okay, now -- are you meeting with people? Officials and -- no?
OSMENT: No, sirree. This place is teeming with foreigners. And Daddy Donald says that is a no-no.
KIMMEL: Oh, speaking of Daddy Donald, did you hear what Trump said about you being his successor?
OSMENT: No. What'd he say?
KIMMEL: He -- oh now, well -- you know, he said he doesn't see you as his successor.
OSMENT: No, he didn't.
KIMMEL: He -- yeah, he did. He said it was too soon -- to know -- oh.
OSMENT: It's fine, I'm sure he's right. He's always right.
KIMMEL: Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Are you at least seeing the sights in Paris?
OSMENT: I went to a museum known as The Lube.
KIMMEL: It's The Louvre. The Louvre.
OSMENT: Whatever these Frenchies call it, I was rudely kicked out for “acting inappropriate.” Why did they even call it French kissing if you can't sex lick the Mona Lisa?
...
OSMENT: Have you ever heard of a chaise longue?
KIMMEL: Yes, of course I have, yeah.
OSMENT: Well, I found one and tonight, I'm going to [bleep] It. Don't tell! Usha.
