Even though he is out of office, late night hosts Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert are still obsessed with making mean jokes about Mike Pence, particularly if they can also take pot shots at his Christian faith.
Pouncing on tabloid reports that the former Vice President and Second Lady are now “homeless” and “couch surfing” with friends in Indiana, the two late night hosts both went out of their way to mercilessly attack Pence, with self-professed Catholic Colbert even mocking prayer.
On CBS’s The Late Show, Colbert segued into joking about Vladimir Putin to Pence with, “Speaking of corrupt regimes,” before pretending to be the former VP praying for money, and having his wife strip (yes, really):
One former administration official is really having a bit of a tough time, because we just learned that Mike Pence is homeless. Oh, that can't be pretty. ( As Pence, busking ) "Ladies and gentlemen of the ‘F’ train, it is showtime. Hit it, mother. A-5-6-7-8: ‘Our father who art in Heaven, please let these people buy one of our candy bars.’ Mother, work the pole." End scene.
The petty host slammed Pence for being “so devoted to the lie that they had beaten Biden, that he made no plans whatsoever on where to live,” before finishing his nasty routine with a truly disgusting “joke” about the Capitol Hill rioters threatening to kill him:
COLBERT: I can think of thousands of guys who want to hang with Mike Pence. Right, fellas?
CAPITOL HILL RIOTERS: Hang Mike Pence! Hang Mike Pence!
COLBERT: Close enough [grinning]
About ten minutes before this, Colbert played a silly but mean skit also attacking Pence’s faith. A person with Pence’s voice shows up at a random house in Indiana, demanding to stay on a single couch, along with his whole family. But as soon as he sees the homeowner is a homosexual, he tells “mother,” to “run.”
Over on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the ABC host teased Pence for supposedly couch-surfing before going back to his familiar, petty attacks:
...Does he go back to radio? "Mike and mother in the morning"? [ Laughter ] Maybe open a bakery that only makes heterosexual wedding cakes? [ Laughter ] Meanwhile, a certain Texas Senator Cruz is hoping everyone will forget about his little coup de tete a few weeks back, and with the vice poodle out of town, Trump’s ass-kissing torch has been passed.
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Read the transcripts below:
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
1/27/2021
STEPHEN COLBERT: Speaking of corrupt regimes, one former administration official is really having a bit of a tough time, because we just learned that Mike Pence is homeless. Oh, that can't be pretty. ( As Pence, busking ) "Ladies and gentlemen of the ‘F’ train, it is showtime. Hit it, mother. A-5-6-7-8: ‘Our father who art in Heaven, please let these people buy one of our candy bars.’ Mother, work the pole." End scene.
The problem is since Pence had free government lodging for the last four years, the ex-Veep doesn't own a house. So when the Pences moved out of the vice president's residence, they had nowhere to go. That's how all-in Mike Pence was with his delusional boss. He was so devoted to the lie that they had beaten Biden, that he made no plans whatsoever on where to live. That's like the "Titanic" getting rid of its lifeboats to have more hull space to paint the word "Unsinkable!" But they're not out on the street. The Pences are reportedly couch surfing their way through Indiana, which is also the title of the worst Beach Boys album ever. When asked why he was doing this, Pence had a simple answer:
MOVIE CLIP: I got nowhere else to go!
COLBERT: He looks really good, looks really good. Letting a friend crash on your couch is no big deal, until you consider that the Pences still have Secret Service protection. "Thanks so much for your hospitality, Steve, but, sorry, before you enter the kitchen, you will be cavity searched." But finding a place to stay shouldn't be that hard. I can think of thousands of guys who want to hang with Mike Pence. Right, fellas?
CAPITOL HILL RIOTERS: Hang Mike Pence! Hang Mike Pence!
COLBERT: Close enough [grinning]
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
1/27/2021
JIMMY KIMMEL: It's being reported that Mike Pence, after leaving Washington, has no place to live. He and his wife have been crashing with friends back home in Indiana. Which has got to be awkward. ‘Listen, Mr. Vice President, we deeply respect and appreciate your service, but would you mind folding up the couch? The kids want to watch The Masked Singer.’ [ Laughter ] One theory is that the Pences are moving around because they've been getting death threats from supporters of his crazy former boss. Thanks again, Don! I wonder what Mike Pence is going to do next? He's probably not going to be president. Does he go back to radio? "Mike and mother in the morning"? [ Laughter ] Maybe open a bakery that only makes heterosexual wedding cakes? [ Laughter ] Meanwhile, a certain Texas Senator Cruz is hoping everyone will forget about his little coup de tete a few weeks back, and with the vice poodle out of town, Trump’s ass-kissing torch has been passed.
