Jon Stewart Rips Olbermann and All MSNBCers That Can't Fill the 'Olbermann-shaped Hole' He's Left

February 4th, 2011 12:36 PM

Jon Stewart on Thursday marvelously lampooned Keith Olbermann and all his former colleagues that can't fill the "Olbermann-shaped hole" his departure has left at MSNBC.

The "Daily Show" host began the segment (video follows with partial transcript and commentary): 

JON STEWART: You know, it’s been over a week since Keith Olbermann and MSNBC parted ways leaving an Olbermann-shaped hole in our national discourse. Who on their network will step into the breach we find out in our new segment, “Olbertunity Knocks.”

Stewart claimed the most obvious contender to fill this Olbermann-shaped hole was Rachel Maddow. However, after showing a clip of Maddow being too courteous to an opposite-thinking guest, The "Daily Show" host concluded that she doesn’t have the stuff.

Clips of Olbermann acting like a pompous, arrogant, condescending blowhard were aired to drive home the point, after which the camera returned to Stewart breathing heavily from an oxygen tank asking, “Anybody else going to step up?”

Chris Matthews video clips were then shown with the “Hardball” host repeatedly referring to Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) as a balloon head.

After the clips, a frustrated Stewart told his audience, “It’s good, but I think you may have to come up with more than one insult. And, not for nothing, judging by the size of your cranium, I would go with an insult you yourself do not suffer from. People who live in helium houses…”

Next it was on to Lawrence O’Donnell who after a brief clip was determined by Stewart to be a “slow talker.”

“Guys, Olbermann was a five-tool player: rage, ego, wit, scholarship, and most of all, BOMBAST! After you deliver a rant, I want to feel like you need two weeks off and a blood transfusion!”

For those unfamiliar with the unflattering term, bombast means "pretentious inflated speech or writing."

Stewart asked, “Is there no one on MSNBC that can shoulder this Olber-burden?” Enter clips of loud, insulting, fast-talking Ed Schultz, one of him claiming that Republicans “want to make money off your dead corpse.”

A shocked "Daily Show" host said, “Yes, only Ed Schultz can help rid America of necrophiliac pimps.”

Not completely impressed, Stewart asked to see more personal insults from Schultz, who complied by calling New Jersey governor Chris Christie a “cold-hearted fat slob…When he doesn’t like what he hears, he accuses the other side of shouting. It’s a typical, typical right-wing approach to the competition.”

This marvelously led the "Daily Show" host to quip, “Yes, if there’s one thing Mr. Schultz can’t stand it’s a heavy-set man shouting at you.”

As Mediaite’s Tommy Christopher noted Friday, Schultz wasn’t pleased with being lampooned this way, and tweeted to his followers:

Classy, huh?

Clearly not impressed with MSNBC’s stable of possible replacements, Stewart said the only way to fill the “Countdown” host's shoes was to start from scratch.

The "Daily Show" host then got up from his desk and walked into a room filled with kids dressed in suits wearing glasses all shouting Olbermannisms into the air with the chyron reading, “Olberclone Farm: Somewhere under the Hudson River.”

The camera zoomed in on one girl repeating over and over, “Have you no shame?” as Stewart laughed like a cartoon mad scientist.

Very nicely done.

For those thinking this was a tribute to Olbermann, he's certainly not taking it that way:

That makes two MSNBCers not pleased with Stewart for this.

No word from Maddow, Matthews, or O'Donnell yet.

Stay tuned.