On Monday, The Daily Show proclaimed that Christmas was the “queerest holiday of all,” on Tuesday it was ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel’s turn as he “interviewed” Sean Hayes, who was playing the role of a gay nutcracker. Hayes claimed that “pretty much every Christmas character is gay” and like The Daily Show, he including Joseph from the Nativity.
After playing a montage of conservative media personalities denouncing the wokification of Christmas, including the gay nutcrackers, Kimmel introduced Hayes’s character, “Okay, fingers on the pulse, you know. Obviously they're making a big deal out of nothing. But I wanted to go to the source to find out how they see this. So joining us now live from the holiday aisle at Kohl's is a gay nutcracker. Hello, Mr. Nutcracker.”
Kimmel wondered, “I guess my first question is, are gay nutcrackers, like yourself, bothered by what Fox News and this right-wing outrage media have been saying?”
Hayes responded, “I mean, not really. I'd say we're more confused than anything. I mean, first off, "gay nutcracker" is redundant. All nutcrackers are gay… We're a bunch of fit older men with perfect posture wearing bedazzled uniforms and knee-high boots.”
Of course, nutcrackers are designed to look like 18th century soldiers, but Kimmel continued with the skit, “It does seem silly that they're getting so worked up about things like gender-neutral potato heads and inclusive Christmas decorations.”
Moving on from nutcrackers, Hayes agreed, “I know, right? And just wait until they find out about Elf on the Shelf!... He's bi.”
After Kimmel asked how he knows that, Hayes continued, “How do I know? How do you not know? I mean, get a load of that face. He looks like he's keeping a secret he can't wait to tell you. Hey, Fox News alert, pretty much every Christmas character is gay.”
Kimmel pretended that was a bridge too far, but Hayes then ran down a list of classic Christmas characters, “The Grinch: decides to steal Christmas, the first thing he does is sew him and his dog flirty little outfits. Frosty: completely obsessed with his birthday and totally comes alive thanks to a fashion accessory. The Heat Miser: obvi. Hermey the Elf: clean-cut twink with perfect teeth. Linus: sorry, Sally, not interested. Rudolph: won't you lead my sleigh? Honey, this queen's been slaying since day one.”
Finally, Hayes got to the Nativity, “And then there's Joseph…Why do you think they needed an immaculate conception? Joseph was the only guy in Bethlehem with two beards. The one on his face, and Mary.”
It is one thing to fail at troll humor because you project 2023 trends onto classic stories, but the inclusion of Joseph is not only disrespectful, it is not even original disrespect.
Here is an original transcript for the December 12 show:
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
12/12/2023
11:43 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: Okay, fingers on the pulse, you know. Obviously they're making a big deal out of nothing. But I wanted to go to the source to find out how they see this. So joining us now live from the holiday aisle at Kohl's is a gay nutcracker. Hello, Mr. Nutcracker.
SEAN HAYES [AS GAY NUTCRACKER]: Please, Mr. Nutcracker was my father. Call Gay.
KIMMEL: Okay. All right, Gay. I just have a couple of questions, and I appreciate you're taking time.
HAYES: Yeah.
KIMMEL: I guess my first question is, are gay nutcrackers, like yourself, bothered by what Fox News and this right-wing outrage media have been saying?
HAYES: I mean, not really. I'd say we're more confused than anything. I mean, first off, "gay nutcracker" is redundant. All nutcrackers are gay.
KIMMEL: Oh, so-- they are?
HAYES: Of course! We're a bunch of fit older men with perfect posture wearing bedazzled uniforms and knee-high boots. Open your eyes, you dink!
KIMMEL: I guess, you know, I didn't think of it that way.
HAYES: Yeah, well.
KIMMEL: It does seem silly that they're getting so worked up about things like gender-neutral potato heads and inclusive Christmas decorations.
HAYES: I know, right? And just wait until they find out about Elf on the Shelf!
KIMMEL: Oh, what about the Elf on the Shelf?
HAYES: He's bi.
KIMMEL: He is?
HAYES: Yeah.
KIMMEL: Wait, how do you know that?
HAYES: How do I know? How do you not know? I mean, get a load of that face. He looks like he's keeping a secret he can't wait to tell you. Hey, Fox News alert, pretty much every Christmas character is gay.
KIMMEL: Well, that's not true.
HAYES: Oh, it isn't, Jimmy?
KIMMEL: No.
HAYES: Let's do a little roll call, shall we?
KIMMEL: Okay.
HAYES: The Grinch: decides to steal Christmas, the first thing he does is sew him and his dog flirty little outfits.
KIMMEL: Alright.
HAYES: Frosty: completely obsessed with his birthday and totally comes alive thanks to a fashion accessory. The Heat Miser: obvi. Hermey the Elf: clean-cut twink with perfect teeth. Linus: sorry, Sally, not interested. Rudolph: won't you lead my sleigh? Honey, this queen's been slaying since day one. And then there's Joseph –
KIMMEL: Wait a minute, Joseph of Mary and Joseph?
HAYES: Yeah. That's the guy, Jimmy. Why do you think they needed an immaculate conception? Joseph was the only guy in Bethlehem with two beards. The one on his face, and Mary.
