NBC Late Night host Seth Meyers reacted on Tuesday to the revelations that classified materials were found at The Penn Biden Center from President Biden’s tenure as vice president with a random shot at Fox News host Tucker Carlson photoshopped The Joker. Beyond Meyers, the men of late night varied greatly in their response to the news, but all managed to cover it.
Meyers’s weird shot at Carlson was his only mention of the scandal, “The White House announced yesterday that President Biden's attorneys recently discovered classified documents while packing up the Washington office he used after serving as vice to president, in case you're wondering why Tucker Carlson did his show tonight in full Joker makeup.”
On CBS, The Late Show’s Stephen Colbert was the most partisan, describing the news as “something stupid… Is this just what every president does now, just scatter a trail of intelligence like Johnny-document Seed?”
Colbert’s only real joke about Biden was about his age, “We don't know how the documents ended up there and it's unclear what they pertain to. But, given Biden's age, I assume it's the Spanish-American War and the digging of the Panama Canal.”
Other than that, Colbert’s instinct was to go after Republicans, “Republicans heard about this, and-- this may surprise you-- they said, ‘Aaagh-aha-ha!’ Case in point, the former president, who truthed, ‘When is the FBI going to raid the many homes of Joe Bien? Perhaps even the White House?’ Wait a minute. He may be onto something. Are you telling me there are classified documents in the White House?!”
Colbert also argued the Biden case is different than the Trump case, “It's comparing apples to orange-man.”
On his ABC show, Jimmy Kimmel began his response to the scandal by making fun of the reaction, “for the MAGA crowd, this was like Christmas and the McRib coming back at the same time.”
It’s funny because “Christmas” is exactly how Colbert described the Mar-a-Lago raid. As it were, Kimmel then played a montage of various right-leaning individuals reacting to the news, the last of which was Donald Trump Jr., “Is he wearing a retainer? What's going on with his teeth? Anyway, he was very proud of himself. They all were. And of course Daddy Donnie made-- moved in on this like a bitch too. He posted ‘When is the FBI going to raid the many homes of Joe Biden?’ It's like his dream come true.”
Kimmel then also argued the two cases are different, but added “Republicans aren't entirely wrong about this. We can't -- two sets of rules. We can't hold Trump accountable for leaving documents around and not Biden.”
He then joked that Trump and Biden’s punishment should be to be in a cell together while the feed is broadcast on TV and concluded by playing a satirical Walgreens ad with a satirical Trump and Biden pitching a product to help you hide all your classified materials.
Back on NBC, The Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon was less interested in comparing the two. He got a few jokes in at the expense of Joe and Hunter Biden, “Obama was like, ‘Nothing to worry about if Joe had access, it wasn't important. Don't worry about it.’ Yep, Biden was shocked and said he had no idea how the documents got there. Then Hunter Biden was like, ‘Okay, so don't get mad.’”
Fallon did manage to also get a jab at Trump, making the same point as Colbert, “Good point, it would be suspicious if classified documents were found at the White House.”
Not only was CBS’s The Late Late Show host James Corden the most critical of Biden, he was also critical of people trying to distinguish the two cases, “Yeah, but I mean -- this is -- this is -- it's different to – it’s different to Trump, right? Because -- well, it's different to the Trump-- I'm saying it's not the same as when Trump -- a lot of rain in California lately, isn't there? A lot of -- to be fair, if there's anywhere classified documents would be safe from being read by anyone, it has to be in Joe Biden's "think tank" office. Isn't it?”
Corden joked that, “I don't know how I feel about this, I really, really don't so I'll just agree with this top authority who has decades of national security experience.”
That “top authority” was Biden on 60 Minutes reacting to the Mar-a-Lago raid, calling Trump “irresponsible.”
Meyers was sponsored by Liberty Mutual, Colbert by Progressive, Kimmel by Dunkin, Fallon by McDonald’s, and Corden by Febreze
Here are transcripts for the January 10-taped shows:
CBS The Late Late Show with James Corden
1/11/2023
12:44 AM ET
JAMES CORDEN: And big news, federal authorities are now reviewing classified documents from Joe Biden's vice presidency after sensitive materials were found at Biden's think tank office. According to reports, the classified documents contained intelligence materials related to, among other things, Ukraine and Iran. Yeah, but I mean -- this is -- this is -- it's different to – it’s different to Trump, right? Because -- well, it's different to the Trump-- I'm saying it's not the same as when Trump -- a lot of rain in California lately, isn't there? A lot of -- to be fair, if there's anywhere classified documents would be safe from being read by anyone, it has to be in Joe Biden's "think tank" office. Isn't it?
I don't know how I feel about this, I really, really don't so I'll just agree with this top authority who has decades of national security experience.
SCOTT PELLEY: When you saw the photograph of the top secret documents laid out on the floor of Mar-a-Lago, what did you think to yourself, looking at that image?
JOE BIDEN: How that could possibly happen. How one-- anyone could be that irresponsible.
***
NBC The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
1/10/2023
11:59 PM ET
President Biden's lawyers were cleaning out one of his old offices from right before he was president and you're not going to believe this, but they found that Biden had ten classified documents. The documents found were from Biden's time as vice president today, Obama was like, "Nothing to worry about if Joe had access, it wasn't important. Don't worry about it.’
Yep, Biden was shocked and said he had no idea how the documents got there. Then Hunter Biden was like, "Okay, so don't get mad.”
Of course, former President Trump wasted no time weighing in, he got on his social media platform and posted, "When is the FBI going to raid the many homes of Joe Biden, perhaps even the White House?" Good point, it would be suspicious if classified documents were found at the White House.
***
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
1/10/2023
11:37 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: But instead, I have to talk about something stupid. Because classified documents from Biden's time as VP were discovered in his private office. Come on, Joe! Classified? Is this just what every president does now, just scatter a trail of intelligence like Johnny-document Seed?
Are these classified files everywhere? My god! This is really stressing me out. I'm sweatin' bullets. Gah!
Why? What are the odds?! Here's what happened. Back in November, Biden's lawyers found the government material while closing out an office at a think tank called The Penn Biden Center. Named, no doubt, after the close friendship between Biden and Gossip Girl heartthrob Penn Badgley.
Details are still coming out. We don't know how the documents ended up there and it's unclear what they pertain to. But, given Biden's age, I assume it's the Spanish-American War and the digging of the Panama Canal.
Republicans heard about this, and-- this may surprise you-- they said, "Aaagh-aha-ha!"
Case in point, the former president, who truthed, "When is the FBI going to raid the many homes of Joe Bien? Perhaps even the White House?" Wait a minute. He may be onto something. Are you telling me there are classified documents in the White House?!
Okay. I can't believe I have to explain this, but, while those documents should've been returned earlier, there is no comparison between this and the transparently nefarious behavior of the ex-president hauling box after box of classified material to Mar-a-Lago and tossing them into a mop closet, and then when the National Archives says, "Hey, where are all these documents?", he goes, "Here's some of them!" And they say, "Are you sure you don't have any more to give us?" And he says "I don't know. What I do know that I have is executive privilege!"
And they go to a judge, and the judge says he has to go look for more of them, and he goes [bird noises] and the FBI goes, "Here’s a subpoena" and he goes "Here's 38 more documents!" And they say, "Is this everything?" And he says "You bet! Looked everywhere!" And the Justice Department says, "We don't believe you." And he says, "What are you going to do about it?" And the FBI raids Mar-a-Lago and finds hundreds of more documents. And he goes "Oh, I knew I had those, I packed them myself. But don't worry, I de-classified them with my mind."
So, I don't, they're not the same, okay? It's comparing apples to orange-man. But that obvious difference, that obvious difference, did not stop the squeaker of the House Kevin McCarthy from saying of Biden's team, "They've been around even longer. The former president had never been in office before, and had just left, came out. Here's an individual who spent his last 40 years in office."
So, the ex-president did way worse, but is less guilty because he's less qualified to govern? That's like a state trooper saying, "Look, look, look, I would give you a ticket for drunk driving, but you're still on your learner's permit, okay. Drive home safe and bottoms up!"
***
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
1/10/2023
11:37 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: Now, this is crazy. So after all the everything about Donald Trump and the 15 boxes of documents he has scattered around Mar-a-Lago, last night CBS News reported that Joe Biden left a handful of classified documents from when he was vice president in his private office at the University of Pennsylvania. The documents were discovered by his lawyers. They were packing up files, they found these documents, they contacted the National Archives, they reported what they found. There are said to be just under a dozen documents related to Ukraine, Iran, and the U.K. and for the MAGA crowd, this was like Christmas and the McRib coming back at the same time.
…
KIMMEL: Is he wearing a retainer? What's going on with his teeth? Anyway, he was very proud of himself. They all were. And of course Daddy Donnie made-- moved in on this like a bitch too. He posted "When is the FBI going to raid the many homes of Joe Biden? " It's like his dream come true.
And while it's alarming when you realize how much of our national security relies on old men keeping track of loose pages. I really think we need to break this down and be specific about what happened in each case. You know, the day the Biden documents were discovered, the White House Counsel's Office notified the National Archives. They took possession of them the following morning. Which is slightly different from how it went down with Trump, who lied about even having the documents, then refused to give them up, he said they were his, which forced the FBI to come search his wedding venue/house and take them from him.
But still, the Republicans aren't entirely wrong about this. We can't -- two sets of rules. We can't hold Trump accountable for leaving documents around and not Biden.
And I have to say to say what I think what we need to do and we need to do it right now, we need to get those two, Joe Biden, Donald Trump, put them in a cell together. Have video cameras surveilling live on television 24 hours a day. We get Ryan Seacrest to host it and then we watch as they either tear each other apart or get along and then maybe we will stop tearing each other apart and get along too
This could be the thing. It's the only reasonable solution, right, Guillermo?
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Right, Jimmy.
KIMMEL: Thank you for even paying attention. There needs to be a better system than having these files in a box. You know how they say everything you ever need know you learned in kindergarten? Well, in this case you learned it in the fourth grade.
FAKE JOE BIDEN: Uh -- in my old office.
FAKE DONALD TRUMP: In a shoe box by the golf course.
FAKE BIDEN: In a birthday card from mama.
FAKE TRUMP: In my butt.
FAKE BIDEN: Up his butt?
NARRATOR: Where are your classified documents? Keep all your documents organized and safe.
FAKE BIDEN: Turn them into kitty litter. Happy birthday, Betsy Ross.
NARRATOR: The presidential trapper keeper only from Mead.
NARRATOR 2: Available at Walgreens.
***
NBC Late Night with Seth Meyers
1/11/2023
12:59 AM ET
SETH MEYERS: The White House announced yesterday that President Biden's attorneys recently discovered classified documents while packing up the Washington office he used after serving as vice to president, in case you're wondering why Tucker Carlson did his show tonight in full Joker makeup.
