ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel displayed the sense of humor of a 12-year old on his Wednesday show. After hyping a new penis implant designed by American, Chinese, and Japanese scientists, Kimmel suggested that a bunch of MAGA people would benefit from the invention.
Kimmel teed up a video by declaring, “The implant is made of a gel and has been successfully tested on pigs. What a magical time it is to be a pig. Gimme your heart, I need a new valve! I ate too much bacon! Finish up that slop, I got a rubber penis to test out on you! Erections, as many of you know, are not guaranteed. They can be elusive, and that's why so many men with soft in their pants are celebrating this exciting new development.”
The video then showed JD Vance, Eric Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Hulk Hogan, and Rudy Giuliani in various displays of excitement or doing all sorts of dance moves. Kimmel, speaking of Giuliani, followed up by quipping, “I'm happiest with for him, really.”
Elsewhere on Wednesday night’s late night comedy circuit, Netflix debuted its new show Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney. As one of his first guests, Mulaney had on singer and activists Joan Baez, who brought a somber tone to the festivities, “First, I have to set the context that I’m here in. You said I could say anything I want out here. So, that we’re all here to be silly and have fun and as long as we recognize the fact that our democracy’s going up in flames and we’re about to—we’re being run by a bunch of really incompetent billionaires.”
Not a great start to a new era of late night comedy on Netflix.
Here is a transcript for the March 12 shows:
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
3/12/2025
11:42 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: The implant is made of a gel and has been successfully tested on pigs. What a magical time it is to be a pig. “Gimme your heart, I need a new valve! I ate too much bacon! Finish up that slop, I got a rubber penis to test out on you.”
Erections, as many of you know, are not guaranteed. They can be elusive, and that's why so many men with soft in their pants are celebrating this exciting new development.
[Video of JD Vance, Eric Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Hulk Hogan, and Rudy Giuliani]
KIMMEL: I'm happiest for him, really.
***
Netflix Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney
3/12/2025
10:32 PM ET
JOAN BAEZ: First, I have to set the context that I’m here in. You said I could say anything I want out here. So, that we’re all here to be silly and have fun, and as long as we recognize the fact that our democracy’s going up in flames and we’re about to—we’re being run by a bunch of really incompetent billionaires.
