A COVID-ridden Stephen Colbert hosted Monday’s edition of The Late Show on CBS from home and claimed that the GOP could not vote for Jesus in the quest to find a Speaker of the House because “He was worse than a socialist, he was a Christian.”
Colbert teed up his pious lecturing by urging viewers to “Remember, to get elected, [Rep. Jim] Jordan or anyone else, would need 217 votes and that feels nearly impossible in this fractured caucus as Missouri's [GOP Rep.] Mark Alford explained.”
A clip of Alford on showed him lamenting, “You could put Jesus Christ up for Speaker of the House and He still wouldn’t get 217.”
The funniest part of the segment was the CNN chyron in the video Colbert showed mistakenly claiming Alford is a representative from Texas, not Missouri, which was something Colbert didn’t even notice.
As for Alford’s remarks, Colbert retorted, “Well, that's true, the modern GOP would never vote for Jesus, I mean, He was soft on Samaritans and commanded everyone to sell their possessions to give money to the poor, the guy was clearly a socialist. He was worse than a socialist, he was a Christian.”
The only thing more painful than having to listen to Colbert tell jokes in his home is having to listen to him talk about political philosophy because apparently Colbert thinks giving money to the poor is the same as having the state seize it.
Here is a transcript for the October 16 show:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
10/16/2023
11:40 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: Remember, to get elected, Jordan or anyone else, would need 217 votes and that feels nearly impossible in this fractured caucus as Missouri's Mark Alford explained.
MARK ALFORD: You could put Jesus Christ up for Speaker of the House and He still wouldn’t get 217.
COLBERT: Well, that's true, the modern GOP would never vote for Jesus, I mean, He was soft on Samaritans and commanded everyone to sell their possessions to give money to the poor, the guy was clearly a socialist. He was worse than a socialist, he was a Christian. “Cut your hair, you hippie. Put on some pants, leave the sandals back at your yurt, comrade”
