This, dear NewsBusters readers, is what counts as journalism from our liberal media in 2020. On Thursday night, CBS’s The Late Show host Stephen Colbert spent an hour fluffing the pillows of President-Elect Joe Biden and incoming First Lady Jill Biden.
Whether it was defending Jill Biden’s doctorate in English, lamenting Hunter Biden being under federal investigation, nudging Biden from the left to screw Republicans and be openly partisan, Colbert closed out 2020 with one of the suck-ups of the year.
Below is a Notable Quotables-style round-up of the worst Colbert comments/softballs (presented in chronological order).
Please Tell Me, Dear, What You’ll ‘Put into the World’ as President
“It's always nice talking to you, too. I've had the opportunity and I’ve enjoyed talking to you on camera and off several times over the last ten years now, first time I interviewed you. But now you have a new job. You are about to be the most powerful person in the world, and my job to talk about what's going on in the world. What is President Biden going to put into the world?”
— 11:42 p.m. Eastern.
Why Do You Insist on Being Bipartisan With These Horrible Human Beings?
“But because you understand [what losing feels like], you also have to understand how futile the spot is for them to resist the reality of the Electoral College. Like Lindsey Graham — Lindsey Graham, a friend of yours, he has said things about you nicer than anything that's been said about me. I wish somebody would say the things about me that Lindsey Graham said about you. Do you think you guys can patch it up and work together?”
— 11:45 p.m. Eastern.
It’s Tough, But Is There Anything Nice You Can Say About Rotten Trump?
Colbert: “Well, the thing I liked about [thanking President Bush for his support of the troops] is that, regardless of the difference of policy, and this is part of your bipartisan spirit, you were willing to recognize a core duty of the president that you believe that President Bush had taken and executed responsibly, and I admired that, your willingness to do that without hesitation. Is there anything about your predecessor, the current president, that you could thank him for sincerely?”
Joe Biden: “Well, the answer is there are some things. I think what he's done getting the vaccine moving has been positive, but by and large, he has been a President who’s decided that the way he succeeds is by dividing us.”
— 11:46 p.m. Eastern.
I’d Love If You’d Give Us ‘An Appetizer’ of How You’ll Stop Putin
Colbert: “What happens to our relationship with Russia? There has been essentially patty cake with Russia for the last four years, regardless of the fact that we knew they attacked our election and we found out for the last eight months at least they have been setting up base camp in both economic, financial, and national security organizations in the United States. How do you make sure they don't do this again? What is the message? How do you send the message of a brush-back pitch to the Russians?”
Joe Biden: “I have a simple message: they’ll be held accountable. They will be held accountable.”
Colbert: “Can you give us an appetizer of what that accountability might be?”
— 11:50 p.m. Eastern.
Oh, Jill, Tell Me How You Felt Seeing People Criticize You!
“Now, you once said in your own memoir, the role I have always felt most at home in is Dr. Biden. Some people have recently taken it upon themselves to question that title of yours. Do you have any reaction to those people...It caught me by surprise as well. I did not see that one coming.”
— 11:56 p.m. Eastern.
“Do you think it might be a little bit of a compliment that people were trying to think of something to criticize you about like, “oh, what do we got? I got it!”
— 11:57 p.m. Eastern.
Joe, Did Seeing All This Stuff About Jill Make You Want to Beat Them Up?
Colbert: “As a husband who loves this person, did you ever want to get out a length of pool chain and go full Corn Pop on these people?”
Joe Biden: “The answer is that's close.”
Jill Biden: “No. The answer is no.”
Joe Biden: “No, no. But there are some of these — anyway.”
Jill Biden: “Mm-hmm. It was just the tone of it.”
Colbert: “Of course.”
Joe Biden: “I’ve been suppressing my Irishness for a long time.”
Colbert: “It's always a smart thing to do.”
— 11:57 p.m. Eastern.
Why Be ‘Bipartisan’ When Hunter Is Being Used ‘As a Cudgel Against You?’
Colbert: “It seems like, as long as the both of you have both been in Washington, and weathered the slings and arrows of the town, you're about to step into something completely different right now. And as you've known, people who you thought you could rely on sometimes turn on you. What are you going to do and how will you sustain each other for the attacks you know are coming your way? Case in point, I know you want to be as bipartisan and reach across the aisle, but as much as — [SIGHS] — you don't want it to happen, you know that the people who want to make hay in Washington are going to try to use your adult son as a cudgel against you. How do you feel about that and what do you have to say to those people?”
Joe Biden: “Well, look, I have — we have great confidence in our son. I am not concerned about any accusations that have been made against him. It's used to get to me. I think it's kind of foul play, but, look, it is what it is, and he's a grown man. He is the smartest man I know. I mean, in a purely intellectual capacity, and as long as he's good, we're good and —
Colbert: “As a father, I understand that, and I admire that, but I mean, in terms of your job as president, can you reach across the aisle to people who will be using this as an attack on you, when it is such a personal attack because it's about family?”
Joe Biden: “But if it benefits the country, yes. I really mean it. Because we know who we are. We know —”
Colbert: “You're a better man than I.”
Joe Biden: “— no, no, no. Don't get me wrong, doesn't mean I'm not angry, doesn't mean I wasn't angry and doesn't mean if I were back in the days of high school I wouldn't say come here, you know, and go a round.”
— 12:01 a.m. Eastern.
Tell Us About How Found Out What a ‘Prayer Partner’ Is
Colbert: “I know you have been very open about the importance of faith in your life and, Dr. Biden, I know you have a prayer partner that you picked up on the campaign.”
Jill Biden: “I do.”
Colbert: “Who is that and I've never had a prayer partner. What's a prayer partner?”
Jill Biden: “I could be your prayer partner.”
Colbert: “I'm in.
Jill Biden: “It was a woman I met, it was — you know, I had a real struggle with my faith after Beau died because I just didn't believe he was going to die, and we were in South Carolina at a church, and a woman came up to me and she —”
Joe Biden: “An African-American church.”
Jill Biden: “— yeah and she put her hand on me and said, ‘Jill, I want to be your prayer partner.’ And I thought, ‘prayer partner? I've never heard of that.’ But I have to tell you. She — we call one another, she texts me a couple of times a week. She actually texted me this morning, and we've continued to pray and pray for, you know, this country and people struggling. I mean, look how many people — Americans are struggling through this pandemic. It's meant a great deal to me. So I figured so many people prayed for me and Joe when Beau was so ill, and now I need to pray, we need to pray for other people.”
— 12:10 a.m. Eastern.
How Do We Fix Our ‘Unaddressed Grief’ About COVID the Trump WH Ignores?
“Both of you have been so open, and I say generous because not everyone feels comfortable sharing their grief with the public, not demonstrably, but as an example to have the necessity of grief to heal yourself. Our country has an unaddressed grief of the 300,000 people who have died partly because our present leadership doesn't want to acknowledge the dimension of this tragedy. Mr. President-Elect, what do you think the role of the president is in leading the country to face loss?”
— 12:11 a.m. Eastern.
“But how do we address that right now because there is this unaddressed grief, and it seems to me that it's not healthy for the nation to pretend like something — I'm worried that we're not addressing it, that we have to take a moment for the grief and what is the role of the president to do that?”
— 12:13 a.m. Eastern.
See, America – The Biden’s Are JUST Like Us! They Have Christmas Traditions Too!
Colbert: “Hey, everybody, we're back here with the Bidens. Christmas is just around the corner. I have to ask, are — in a normal Christmas year, what are the Biden family Christmas traditions? Because in my family, the number one tradition is probably to fight over the Christmas tree about which way the lights go from the top to the bottom or the bottom to the top, and it's obviously top to the bottom and everything else is madness. Is there — are — do you —”
Jill Biden: “He's crazy about his Christmas tree because, you know, the Bidens have a tradition where they mix ivory snow with water. He uses my hand mixer and —”
Colbert: “Ivory snow like the —”
Joe Biden: “Like the detergent.”
Jill Biden:“— like it’s snow, yeah.”
Colbert: “Like the powder detergent?”
Jill Biden: “Yes.”
Joe Biden: “Like the powder.”
Jill Biden: “Yes.”
Joe Biden: “But you can make it look like snow. My dad used to do it. In the Biden tradition, my grandfather.”
Joe Biden: “And I swear to God, it looks like snow is falling on the tree. And Santa Claus puts it on.”
Jill Biden: “I fight it every year. And then the tinsel. I mean, he’s like, so particular.”
Joe Biden: “One strand —”
Jill Biden: “One strand —”
Joe Biden: “— at a time.”
Jill Biden: “— at a time.”
Joe Biden: “You can't throw it on there.”
Jill Biden: “See?”
Colbert: “You can't throw it on there?”
Joe Biden: “No, no, no!”
Colbert: “What are you talking about?”
Joe Biden: “My dad, look —”
Colbert: “What? You take it off at the end of the year, iron it and put it in the box?”
Joe Biden: “No, we get rid of it but you can't throw it on.”
Jill Biden: “And it’s hard to find.”
Colbert: “The favorite thing for the little children to do is throw giant — we threw clumps at the Christmas tree.”
Joe Biden: “No, no.”
Jill Biden: “No.”
Joe Biden: “We have elfdom.”
Jill Biden: “No.”
Joe Biden: “The junior elfs.”
Jill Biden: “Yes.”
Joe Biden: “The way you get —”
Jill Biden: “Yes.”
Joe Biden: “— you got to put it on one strand at a time. And guess what?”
Jill Biden: “It’s the truth.”
Colbert: “There’s a pecking order as to who gets to put it on?”
Joe Biden: “And by the way, I get to bed — not a joke — at 3:00 in the morning because Santa Claus puts the snow on.”
Jill Biden: “Yes. Santa Claus. Yes. Santa does.”
Colbert: “That's how you know he's been there.”
Jill Biden: “Even though they're grown children.”
Joe Biden: “And we have a tradition.”
Colbert: “And you meet Santa down there for when he does it?”
Joe Biden: “That's exactly right. And what happens is — the tradition is based on youngest to oldest, including our grown children you come down the stairs. I go when Santa’s there[.]”
— 12:20 a.m. Eastern.