Kimmel Welcomes Jesse Welles To Sing 'The Nerd Reich'

Alex Christy
November 13th, 2026 1:22 PM
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Back on Tuesday, ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel welcomed far-left protest singer Jesse Welles to close out the show by singing his new song “The Nerd Reich," and it was about as bad as you would think.

For those fortunate enough to have never heard of Welles, some context is in order. Welles is the kind of guy who writes songs from the historically illiterate perspective that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is the reason why the Middle East is a mess. He is also the guy who, only a week after Luigi Mangione assassinated United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson, released a song with such lyrics as “CEO's come and go and one just went. The ingredients you got bake the cake you get. So, if you get sick, cross your fingers for luck. 'Cause old [UHC Founder] Richard T. Burke ain't givin' a fuck.”

 

 

Welles began his painful performance by singing about the Iran War, “When they nuke Iran and Jesus don't come back and your son's still gay and there's no cheap gas, when the vengeance of nations finally comes to port, will you be bitching about men playing women's sports. I get weary. I get nervous. You hire a clown, you get the whole damn circus. Lord, I get tired. I feel uptight. Turn your back for a second, it's the Nerd Reich.”

Another awkward line came when Welles sang, “This one goes out to my buddies up at Palantir. I said ‘Now, since you're already listening, I must ask who's this fella y'all been calling Mr. JD Vance.’ He said, ‘He's a carbon life-form wearing khaki pants. Buddy, we play the song and he does the dance.’ He did some Catholic gymnastics, washed his mouth out with soap but even God, and the king and two popes said, ‘Nope.’”

Welles wrapped up with some outrageous attacks on Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, “My favorite Fox and Friend, Captain Testosterone. Oh, Pete Hegseth’s in trouble. His trouble, his war, got lost, maybe they're hiring war criminals over at Fox. I get weary, I get nervous. You hire a clown, you get the whole damn circus. Lord, I get tired. I feel uptight. Turn your back for a second, it's the Nerd Reich.”

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While Welles’s performance was truly cringe-inducing, it was not the only part of Kimmel’s Tuesday show that raised eyebrows for all the wrong reasons. Earlier, during his monologue, Kimmel commented on GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert losing her bid for re-election, “Lauren Boebert's defeat is a great loss for our monologue, but now she can go back to doing what she does best, which is getting kicked out of Applebee's for drinking too many shark bowls. It is a sad ending for a woman known for giving happy ones. But you know what they say, when one door closes, a window opens on OnlyFans. And we wish her the best.”

 

 

While one can certainly see the comedy in Boebert’s history of getting handsy at a Beetlejuice performance, there is absolutely a zero percent chance that Kimmel would ever joke about a defeated Democratic politician turning to porn as a second career choice. Back in 2018, Kimmel’s writer, producer, and wife, Molly McNearney, angrily denounced those who thought making Hillary Clinton-pantsuit jokes were appropriate, but applying a different standard for Republican women is a long tradition on Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Here is a transcript for the November 10 show:

ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live

11/10/2026

11:44 PM ET

JIMMY KIMEL: She's already preparing for next season of Dancing with the Stars. Think she'll go farther than you did, Guillermo?

GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: No, I don't think so.

KIMMEL: Lauren Boebert's defeat is a great loss for our monologue, but now she can go back to doing what she does best, which is getting kicked out of Applebee's for drinking too many shark bowls. It is a sad ending for a woman known for giving happy ones. But you know what they say, when one door closes, a window opens on OnlyFans. And we wish her the best.

…

11/11/2026

12:33 AM ET

KIMMEL: Apologies to Matt Damon. Nightline is next, but first, this is his album, Masks Off.  Here with the song "The Nerd Reich," Jesse Welles!

JESSE WELLES: I was standing on a ledge contemplating the ocean in a boat in the Strait of Hormuz. If they ain't got a mission and they still ain't winning can't you at least get the boys some food. When they nuke Iran and Jesus don't come back and your son's still gay and there's no cheap gas, when the vengeance of nations finally comes to port will you be bitching about men playing women's sports.

I get weary. I get nervous. You hire a clown, you get the whole damn circus. Lord, I get tired. I feel uptight. Turn your back for a second, it's the Nerd Reich. On day 184 of a three-day war I drove my truck to Lake America.

I was thinking about drowning when my youth pastor found me, slapped a wedding ring on my thumb. I cried out to Jesus. I cried out to mom. I got Peter Thiel. He listens closer than God. I said now what's with these cameras pointing at me. He said, "don't do nothing wrong. There won't be nothing to see." Gee, I get weary. They can hear. This one goes out to my buddies up at Palantir. I said now since you're already listening, I must ask who's this fella y'all been calling Mr. JD Vance.

He said, "He's a carbon life-form wearing khaki pants. Buddy, we play the song and he does the dance." He did some Catholic gymnastics, washed his mouth out with soap but even God, and the king and two popes said, “Nope."

He gets weary. He gets hit but it's all bound to happen when you drag Appalachia through [sound drops].

How fast do I gotta jog to beat a robot dog? I know it's smarter than the man with the leash. Get me to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue where the law can't lay a hand on me. What war is it? What wife is it for G.I. Joke?

My favorite Fox and Friend, Captain Testosterone. Oh, Pete Hegseth’s in trouble. His trouble, his war got lost, maybe they're hiring war criminals over at Fox. I get weary, I get nervous. You hire a clown, you get the whole damn circus. Lord, I get tired. I feel uptight. Turn your back for a second, it's the Nerd Reich.

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