CBS’s The Late Show host Stephen Colbert and Comedy Central’s The Daily Show temp host Jordan Klepper were the only late night hosts to discuss Fulton County D.A. Fani Willis’s testimony on their Thursday shows and they were not happy with her for endangering the case against Donald Trump.
Colbert noted that there are completing claims on when Willis began her relationship with Nathan Wade, whom she hired as a special prosecutor on the case in a potential conflict of interest, “Now, I don't know who's telling the truth here yet, but I will say exchanging business cards isn't exactly a meet cute. The movie's not called When Harry Networked with Sally. Now, at one point, Willis had had enough and really laid into opposing counsel.”
He then played a clip of Willis being upset at the whole idea that she did anything wrong, “You’re confused, you think I’m on trial. These people are on trial for trying to steal an election in 2020. I’m not on trial, no matter how hard you try to put me on trial.”
Colbert’s audience loved the clip of Willis fighting back, but Colbert himself was not so sure:
Damn straight. Yeah. That’s right. That’s right. Here’s the thing. Yes, it’s true Donald Trump and his associates are on trial in this, one of the most important cases in the history of our republic. So, and, I've just got one follow-up question here, given that if you are removed from the prosecution, it could delay this trial until after the election: how good was this sex? Good enough to risk democracy over? Because I've never had sex that good. You know what feels really good? Donald Trump going to prison. That, that my friends, is what they call a real happy ending.
Over at The Daily Show, Klepper responded to the same clip of Willis, “Yes, thank you! Donald Trump is the one on trial. Which is why you should have been more careful. This is possibly the most important trial in the country right now, and it could be completely derailed, not because of the evidence or the facts, but because two people got horny. So maybe the first thing we need is some new HR training.”
Correspondent Desi Lydic was then shown in a satirical HR instructional video rebuking Willis and Wade, "Hello. If you are watching this video, you’re one of the 200,000 prosecutors currently working on a Donald Trump case. There's been some confusion lately over whether you should hire a person you are [bleep] to prosecute the most important case in the nation. So we wanted to just take a moment to clarify: don't. Don't do that. Remember, there are over 330 million other Americans. You can have sex with any of them or hire them as a prosecutor, but not both.”
Lydic concluded with some additional advice for the two “idiots”:
Don't bribe the judge. Don't bribe the defendant. Don't burn down the courtroom. Don't join ISIS. Don't hire ISIS. Don't try to sell the judge drugs. Don't hire a stripper cop to be the bailiff. No, under any circumstances, toilet cams. Don't slurp up the defendant’s bathwater. Don't recruit the jury into a multi-level marketing scheme. Don't sell tickets to the trial on StubHub. And finally don't steal the judge's organs and sell them on the black market. By following these simple rules, you can maintain your integrity and not legally speaking, [bleep] this up, you idiots! Thank you and good luck in court.
If Colbert and The Daily Show think Willis had a bad day, she’s going to need that luck.
Here are transcripts for the February 15 shows:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
2/15/2024
11:45 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: Now, I don't know who's telling the truth here yet, but I will say exchanging business cards isn't exactly a meet cute. The movie's not called When Harry Networked with Sally. Now, at one point, Willis had had enough and really laid into opposing counsel.
FANI WILLIS: You’re confused, you think I’m on trial. These people are on trial for trying to steal an election in 2020. I’m not on trial no matter how hard you try to put me on trial.
COLBERT: Damn straight. Yeah. That’s right. That’s right. Here’s the thing. Yes, it’s true Donald Trump and his associates are on trial in this, one of the most important cases in the history of our republic. So, and, I've just got one follow-up question here, given that if you are removed from the prosecution, it could delay this trial until after the election: how good was this sex? Good enough to risk democracy over? Because I've never had sex that good. You know what feels really good? Donald Trump going to prison. That, that my friends, is what they call a real happy ending.
***
Comedy Central The Daily Show
2/15/2024
11:08 PM ET
JORDAN KLEPPER: Yes, thank you! Donald Trump is the one on trial. Which is why you should have been more careful. This is possibly the most important trial in the country right now, and it could be completely derailed, not because of the evidence or the facts, but because two people got horny. So maybe the first thing we need is some new HR training.
DESI LYDIC: Hello. If you are watching this video, you’re one of the 200,000 prosecutors currently working on a Donald Trump case. There's been some confusion lately over whether you should hire a person you are [bleep] to prosecute the most important case in the nation. So we wanted to just take a moment to clarify: don't. Don't do that.
Remember, there are over 330 million other Americans. You can have sex with any of them or hire them as a prosecutor, but not both. It should be pretty obvious. While we are at it, here are some other obvious things to avoid that I can't believe I have to say out loud.
Don't bribe the judge. Don't bribe the defendant. Don't burn down the courtroom. Don't join ISIS. Don't hire ISIS. Don't try to sell the judge drugs. Don't hire a stripper cop to be the bailiff. No, under any circumstances, toilet cams. Don't slurp up the defendant’s bathwater. Don't recruit the jury into a multi-level marketing scheme. Don't sell tickets to the trial on StubHub. And finally don't steal the judge's organs and sell them on the black market. By following these simple rules, you can maintain your integrity and not legally speaking, [bleep] this up, you idiots! Thank you and good luck in court.
