CBS The Late Show host Stephen Colbert commemorated International Women’s Day on Wednesday by lamenting the state of women’s rights around the world including in Iran, Afghanistan, and the United States. For the Catholic Colbert, the downfall of Roe v. Wade means that Justice Samuel Alito is just as much of a “turd” as the Taliban.
Colbert began his IWD remarks by spreading myths, “Now, folks, I hope you've all been celebrating because it's International Women's Day. Don't forget to get something special for the women in your life, like a box of chocolates containing a list of their male coworkers' salaries.”
Moving on, Colbert lamented, “Now, unfortunately, it's not been a great year for the ladies. In Iran, almost 4,000 women have been arrested in protests. In Afghanistan, the Taliban has cracked down on women's rights, and right here in the U.S., the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. It's gotten so bad that Beyoncé updated her hit song.”
A brief parody of Beyoncé was then shown, “Who run the world? Turds!” The parody included photos of Alito, Elon Musk, and the Taliban, all of whom received the “turd” label.
Shifting his ire towards Fox News, Colbert reported, "But don't worry that this year was a bit of a setback, because there's good news from U.N. Secretary General António Guterres, seen here saying, ‘It's not my fault! That baby was slippery!’ Guterres believes that things for women will get better in the future. Way, way in the future. 'Cause this week he predicted that gender equality is ‘300 years away’ or as Fox News put it, ‘Will woke time travelers come back and cancel our Hooters?’"
The Late Show is also 300 years away from being able to formulate a proper analogy because protecting babies is nothing like physically beating women, banning them from receiving an education, or mandatory hijab laws enforced by the morality police.
This segment was sponsored by Dunkin’.
Here is a transcript for the March 8 show:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
3/8/2023
11:52 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: Now, folks, I hope you've all been celebrating because it's International Women's Day. Don't forget to get something special for the women in your life, like a box of chocolates containing a list of their male coworkers' salaries. Now, unfortunately, it's not been a great year for the ladies. In Iran, almost 4,000 women have been arrested in protests. In Afghanistan, the Taliban has cracked down on women's rights, and right here in the U.S., the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. It's gotten so bad that Beyoncé updated her hit song.
BEYONCE PARODY: Who run the world? Turds!
COLBERT: But don't worry that this year was a bit of a setback, because there's good news from U.N. Secretary General Antonio Guterres, seen here saying, "It's not my fault! That baby was slippery!" Guterres believes that things for women will get better in the future. Way, way in the future. 'Cause this week he predicted that gender equality is "300 years away" or as Fox News put it, "Will woke time travelers come back and cancel our Hooters?"
