CBS The Late Show host Stephen Colbert is already preparing for a 2024 GOP Presidential Primary between former President Donald Trump and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis by comparing both to a sexually transmitted disease.
Colbert reported that, “A new Wall Street Journal poll says that, in a hypothetical GOP primary matchup, DeSantis beats the former president 52 percent to 38 percent. Yay? Also maybe boo?”
When it comes to a Trump versus DeSantis, “It’s hard to know who to root for here. It’s like a poll between gonorrhea and a slightly more racist gonorrhea. This is-- apologies to gonorrhea.”
Giving his take on the state of things, Colbert added, “This is all because, what with the insurrections and the Hitler dinners, only the most conservative voters are still backing the ex-president. While DeSantis is trouncing him with voters who consider themselves only ‘somewhat conservative.’ Basically, the folks who don't support gay marriage, but think Andy Cohen does a great job handling those housewives.”
Colbert’s failed foray into Freudian humor was not yet complete, “So, to take full command of the GOP, all DeSantis has to do is reel in the coveted conservative demographic of angry conspiracy Q-Anon, all-meat diet, tan-your-testicle boys. And his opening offer to them is calling for a grand jury investigation of COVID vaccines. You stupid mother-Pfizer!”
Whatever the merits or demerits of the call for a grand jury investigation, surely there is greater comedic material out there than shoehorned references to gonorrhea.
This segment was sponsored by Disney.
Here is a transcript for the December 14 show:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
12/14/2022
11:37 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: A new Wall Street Journal poll says that, in a hypothetical GOP primary matchup, DeSantis beats the former president 52 percent to 38 percent. Yay? Also maybe boo? It’s hard to know who to root for here. It’s like a poll between gonorrhea and a slightly more racist gonorrhea. This is-- apologies to gonorrhea.
This is all because, what with the insurrections and the Hitler dinners, only the most conservative voters are still backing the ex-president. While DeSantis is trouncing him with voters who consider themselves only “somewhat conservative." Basically, the folks who don't support gay marriage, but think Andy Cohen does a great job handling those housewives.
So, to take full command of the GOP, all DeSantis has to do is reel in the coveted conservative demographic of angry conspiracy Q-Anon, all-meat, diet tan-your-testicle boys. And his opening offer to them is calling for a grand jury investigation of COVID vaccines. You stupid mother-Pfizer!
