In a surprise announcement on Thursday, the month of April said it would “discontinue observing April 1 as ‘Fools Day.’”
“After long and careful consideration, we are canceling Fools for 2023, and for the foreseeable future,” read a statement from the first full month of spring. “Time moves on and some traditions are left behind if they don’t adapt. We believe Fools Day is one of them.”
April reportedly has been feeling pressure from activists sensitive to the use of “Fools.”
“To all those who’ve let us know that ‘Fool’ is an old-fashioned, regressive and insulting term for those lacking common sense, please know: we heard you,” said the statement. “And those who took the time and trouble to explain to us that common sense is a white, patriarchal construct underlying ongoing white male dominance, you opened our eyes.”
However, sources inside the April organization tell MRC that the move has less to do with political correctness than ongoing internal frustration with Fools Day. “Look, the fact is, Fools Day has become redundant,” said one executive close to the decision.
“Look around. Every day is Fools Day. I saw a guy wearing a mask at Starbucks this morning. I bet he was wearing it yesterday morning and will be tomorrow,” he said, referring to the Covid facemasks that have been shown to be ineffective and unnecessary. “That guy has the fool thing nailed down.”
Other April employees agreed. A former Gag Manager with the April Fools team said the organization is buffeted by the same forces that have rocked the satire industry. “For thousands of years, satire enjoyed a solid, almost unassailable market, because people are always dopy and fallible. You add a pinch of the absurd, you got satire. It’s funny,” she explained. “But In the last few years, reality has just eaten satire’s lunch,” she said.
“When we’re told that some women have penises and some men menstruate, or that printing money fights inflation, suddenly, there’s no room for professional satire. Most of the players have left the [satire] market. Some are scraping by writing puns. I know a guy who was pulling down six figures a year doing satire. Now he writes knock-knock jokes.”
She fears the same fate is coming for April’s professional fools. “What do we have to offer a nation that watched a Chinese spy balloon drift unmolested across the continent for days?”
Other employees offered myriad examples of what Fools Day was up against: televised Cornhole tournaments, dog treat bakeries, the Cleveland “Guardians,” Admiral Rachel Levine, and many others.
“A dog got monkeypox from it’s owners,” one April employee told MRC. “It really happened. You try punking people after that one."
The moratorium on Fools day begins immediately. The prepared statement explained, “We studied the logistics of this and consulted with our stakeholders. We have determined that, for this year, at least, there will be no calendar date of April 1. That day will become March 32. We hope you will join us in celebrating an extra day of Women’s History Month.”