To the barricades! Or rather, to the virtual barricades since that requires much less effort. And in the case of lethargic Politico labor reporter the less real effort the better since according to his "work" schedule, Elk has produced only five Politico stories in fourteen weeks with absolutely no work performed by him in over five months.
Ironically, Elk is now the one demanding that Politico be unionized. Um, before you advocate for "workers' rights" don't you have to at least do a little work? The most work that Elk has actually done in over five months was producing a semi-literate workers' manifesto relayed to the world by Eric Wemple at the Washington Post:
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Following the lead of our brothers and sisters at Gawker, our brothers and sisters at Salon have unanimously chosen to unionize with Writers Guild of America East. Since the successful drive at Gawker, unions that represent media workers have initiated campaigns at half dozen outlets and Now, its our time to help make history. In doing so not only would we help ourselves, but help make POLITICO the type of publication where workers want to stay for their entire careers because the working conditions are so good. These our chances to take POLITICO to the next level!
Workers of the World, Unite! You have nothing to lose but your lounge chairs. 
Sure the snack bar is great, but a union contract would be even sweeter! At my last publication, I was in a union and up until we lost a major grant, it was the absolute best work environment in which I was ever employed. I personally feel that you never feel more dedicated to your workplace than when you have a union contract and refuse.
Out of mercy for Elk I added in a period at the end of the last sentence which he neglected to use after what seems to be the misplaced "refuse."
So why would a union here at POLITICO be good for us?
A six month extension on your five month vacation?
1.) A Voice on the Job
A job from which you have been MIA since January 31.
As POLITICO undergoes this great transition and expands, its more important than ever that we employees have a voice on the job. I hear people talking about how things all the time, but as media workers at POLITICO we have no formal way to raise objections that the company is forced to listen. A union would give us a body to address common problems and seek a way to address them.
Would a union provide you with instructions on how to write a coherent sentence?
2.) Pay Raises
Uh, boss. I haven't worked in over five months so, um, can I have a pay raise?
Currently, there is no formal system in place at POLITICO to get a raise like there would be with a union contract. I have heard many people express anxiety and frustrations about being denied raises and not knowing how to get one. With a union contract, there is a clear spelled out processes for getting raises if you meet certain criteria.
Would one of those criteria include actual work? Nah!
3.) Scheduling
Reporters often are forced to work long hours when a big news story break, but how do you get overtime pay or ask for time off without a union contract. Currently, we have no system in place for this at POLITICO. With a union contract, we could have a clear scheduling system that gives people certainty in balancing the needs of our personal lives with the needs of our professional lives.
What a dilemma. How to ask for time off from your time off that you haven't worked since January 31. And after you have that figured out, how to demand overtime pay for those zero hours you worked.
Media workers across the digital media industry are making historic gains in giving media workers a voice on the job and now its our turn to join in the fun! Its relatively easy to do, all we need to do is circulate an NLRB petition calling for a union election, get a third of the workforce to sign it, and we can have an election within three weeks.
Vote for Mike Elk! The world's foremost expert on work avoidance starting with college when he got financial aid by falsely marking the Native American box.
