Below is a complete transcript of the Friday, September 17, "Next Week’s News" segment from PBS’s Need to Know program:
JON MEACHAM: It is our sad duty to report that this is the last time we'll be able to feature the prognostication skills of Andy Borowitz. Andy is moving on from Need to Know.
ALISON STEWART: And while there are a few of you who will say it's not a moment too soon, we speak for your legions of fans who’ll say we’ll miss you on Need to Know. The news of the future will not be the same without you, Andy.
ANDY BOROWITZ: Well, thank you so much, Alison and Jon. It’s been great. Well, tonight is, how do I put it, it’s bittersweet for me because this is the last edition of "Next Week’s News." Now, I've had a great time doing this segment, but I've been offered a new challenge that, well, I just couldn't turn it down. More about my decision in a moment. But first, let's take a look back at some very special moments from "Next Week’s News."
(CLIPS ARE SHOWN WITH THE SONG "GOD LIFT US UP WHERE WE BELONG" PLAYING)
BOROWITZ: Good times. Now, what's next for Andy Borowitz? Well, I love doing two minutes of fake news each week, but it's whetted my appetite to do fake news on a full-time basis. And so, starting next week, I'm moving to my new home: The Fox News Channel. Alison, Jon?
MEACHAM: We'll be watching. Thanks for everything, Andy.
