Stephen Colbert is clearly no longer a comedian. He’s a Democratic activist who hates Republican politicians and the voters who elect them. During his late night show on Thursday night, Colbert took it upon himself to insult South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem and Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton. During the launch of Veterans to Victory, Senator Chuck Grassley and Cotton had a push-up contest for fun, resulting in laughs and jokes being made on social media.
“In there someplace I got to hand it to Chuck Grassley. He is 87, and he is doing a pretty good job there,” said Colbert during his rant. “I can't say the same for Tom Cotton. Look at that form! Get your head up! Touching the ground with your hair doesn't count. To be fair, it's hard to keep your back straight when you don't have a spine.”
Tom Cotton is an Army vet who was awarded the Bronze Star. Stephen Colbert tells unfunny jokes and sucks up to Democrats.
The host then trashed South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem. Noem recently announced that South Dakota is sending National Guard troops to the Texas border. Colbert went on to call Noem a “beauty pageant mom calling your toddler fat,” and then criticized her decision.
“Oh, good for too long, immigrants have been sneaking in from Nebraska!” Colbert exclaimed. “What's that? What's that? I'm being told she sent them to the Mexican border. The governor of South Dakota can do that? Is that really what the founders intended? She should ask them. They're from South Dakota, too.”
He then showed pictures of the founding fathers with their lips moving to state things such as: “Hell no,” “Come on,” and “Kristi Noem is as dumb as a rock.”
The monologue then proceeded to Stephen listing off the names of some possible candidates for the GOP presidential nomination in 2024. Examples included Mike Pompeo, Tim Scott, and Rick Scott. His audience then booed, resulting in Colbert making a joke about Pompeo’s supporters, calling them “pipe hitters.”
“If you think Mike Pompeo should be president, you are definitely hitting the pipe,” said Colbert.
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See a partial transcript below. Click “expand” to read more.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
07/01/2021
11:43 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: Well, now we know why the Republicans oppose gun control. Bang. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang! In there someplace I got do hand it to chuck Grassley. He is 87, and he is doing a pretty good job there. I can't say the same for Tom Cotton. Look at that form! Get your head up! Touching the ground with your hair doesn't count. To be fair, it's hard to keep your back straight when you don't have a spine. But when it-- is the piano okay?
JON BATISTE: You gotta get it
COLBERT: But when it comes to news-making sunshine to raise your presidential profile, Cotton was overshadowed by South Dakota governor and beauty pageant mom calling your toddler fat, Kristi Noem. Yesterday, Noem announced she was sending National Guard troops to the southern border. Good. Oh, good for too long, immigrants have been sneaking in from Nebraska! What's that? What's that? I'm being told she sent them to the Mexican border. The governor of South Dakota can do that? Is that really what the founders intended? She should ask them. They're from South Dakota, too.
FOUNDER 1: Hell no!
FOUNDER 2: Come on
FOUNDER 3: Kristi Noem is as dumb as a rock
COLBERT: But the strangest and most unconstitutional part of this story is that Noem is paying for the deployment with a private donation. For the money, the donor got a private army and a "This American junta" tote bag. The private donation came from Tennessee junkyard billionaire and guy who's late for a meeting, even though his beer gut was early, Willis Johnson. Johnson is reportedly paying an undisclosed sum through his private foundation to send more than four dozen members of south Dakota's National Guard to the southern border. Four dozen? Also known as the population of South Dakota. And it's not just-- South Dakota it's a beautiful state. Beautiful state. You've got the badlands, others. It’s not just Cotton and Noem. Lots of Republicans are already jockeying for the 2024 presidential nomination. To name a few, South Carolina senator Tim Scott, Florida senator Rick Scott, and former secretary of state Mike Pompeo. ( Audience booing ) Okay. Then you might enjoy these next jokes. In fact, Pompeo has already formed his very own political action committee: Champion American values PAC, or Cav-Pac. Cav-Pac is a fairly awkward name, but not as bad as what he's calling his fans and donors: "The pipe hitters." Because if you think Mike Pompeo should be president, you are definitely hitting the pipe.
