The unfunny former comedians-turned Democratic activists on ABC and CBS late night are so cringe-inducing, you almost feel bad for them. Almost. Then you remember they hate half their audience and the sheer awfulness of their shows deserve scorn. Instead of making fun of the party in power, which is what an actual comedian would do, Jimmy Kimmel on Wednesday night repeated talking points about Biden, instead of going for humor.
The ABC host awkwardly explained, “Team Biden right now is switching up the vocabulary that comes out of the White House…. They're removing the term ‘Illegal alien.’ The term they will now use is "non-citizen." Which isn't entirely accurate. Everyone is a citizen of someplace. But it makes sense. People aren’t illegal.”
This is comedy? Where's the joke? Kimmel then moved on to rehashing old Trump “jokes” from four years or more.
And that's just part of a long list of words and phrases they have put to rest. In addition to illegal alien, they will no longer use the terms “fake news," “China virus, “perfect call,” “lock her up, “extra crispy,” “crazy Nancy,” “my stupid son Eric, “my stupid son Don, “Tell Eric I'm not here, “tell Don I died,” “where's Hunter?” “bigly,” “frankly,” “hamberders,” “put Jared on it,” “bring me my Sharpie,” “get me my hair cement,” “covfefe,” “Tim Apple, “How hot is my daughter,” “one of the wettest we’ve seen from the standpoint of water,” “very fine people, “haters and losers, “big beautiful wall,” “bing bong bing bong,” “everyone is saying” and “get Lou Dobbs on the phone.”
Someone should tell Kimmel that Trump is no longer president. Compare the lame, mild reference to Biden doing something to this nasty attack on Mike Pence going to “obedience school” and how Trump is his “owner," who is like suspected murderer O.J. Simpson:
Obedience school seems to be working well for Mike Pence, who has apparently patched things up with his former owner, Donald Trump. Pence told a group of lawmakers yesterday that he and Trump have a "Close personal relationship." Right. Just like O.J. and Nicole.
Over on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Colbert compared Ted Cruz to Hannibal Lecter:
Of course, disinformation feeds into paranoia, and that's what led the Capitol insurrection. Yesterday, the Senate held hearings into what caused it, but here's the thing: Two of the questioners up on the dais there, were senators who supported challenging the certification of electoral votes on January 6 that led to the riot: Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz. That's like having a cannibalism trial presided over by judge Hannibal Lecter: "Would the prosecution please slather themselves in honey mustard and approach the bench?"
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Transcripts are below. Click “expand” to read more.
Late Show With Stephen Colbert
2/24/2021
11:37 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: Evidently, the paranoia is being brought on by the pandemic, required social isolation, and an uncertain economic environment, where people worry about whether they might be on the verge of losing their livelihood. That's not paranoia. That's just normal human fear. If you cry at a birthday party when the clown comes out, that's a phobia. If you're one of the kids in It, it's reasonable to avoid the sewer. Of course, disinformation feeds into paranoia, and that's what led the Capitol insurrection. Yesterday, the Senate held hearings into what caused it, but here's the thing: Two of the questioners up on the dais there, were senators who supported challenging the certification of electoral votes on January 6 that led to the riot: Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz. That's like having a cannibalism trial presided over by judge Hannibal Lecter: "Would the prosecution please slather themselves in honey mustard and approach the bench?"
Jimmy Kimmel Live
2/24/2021
11:42 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: Obedience school seems to be working well for Mike Pence, who has apparently patched things up with his former owner, Donald Trump. Pence told a group of lawmakers yesterday that he and Trump have a "Close personal relationship." Right. Just like O.J. and Nicole. I believe Mike Pence has spent the last month doing a little something called "weighing his options. and found that it would be better to be friends with Donald Trump. You know what would be fun? If I were Donald Trump, I'd announce that I need a kidney and I'd make all of these guys -- Lindsey Graham, Rudy, Mike Pence -- I'd make them all give me one kidney to choose which one I like best. And then I'd bring them to Mar-a-Lago and say, "Just kidding. I'm gonna put your kidneys in my trophy case. Next to your balls.”
KIMMEL: Team Biden right now is switching up the vocabulary that comes out of the White House. The Biden White House has reinstated the phrase "Climate change." Which had been eliminated from official government materials and they're removing the term "Illegal alien." The term they will now use is "non-citizen." Which isn't entirely accurate. Everyone is a citizen of someplace. But it makes sense. People aren't "Illegal. And that's just part of a long list of words and phrases they have put to rest. In addition to illegal alien, they will no longer use the terms “fake news, “ “China virus, “perfect call,” “lock her up, “extra crispy,” “crazy Nancy,” “my stupid son Eric, “my stupid son “Don, “Tell Eric I'm not here, “Tell Don I died,” “Where's Hunter?” “bigly,” “frankly,” “hamberders,” “Put Jared on it,” “bring me my Sharpie,” “get me my hair cement,” “covfefe,” “Tim Apple, “How hot is my daughter,” “one of the wettest we’ve seen from the standpoint of water,” “very fine people, “haters and losers, “big beautiful wall,” “bing bong bing bong,” “everyone is saying” and “get Lou Dobbs on the phone.”
