Are you ready for some football?
Our Joe Concha is:
Joe Concha
Many in the sports media thought the Cowboys had this baby all sewn up before the season began, but a 4-2 start that easily could be 2-4 shows nothing is certain in life except death and taxes (more on the latter in a moment).
Good thing Irish bookmakers -- the same ones who have already paid out on Barack Obama winning the White House -- didn't pay out on Dallas hoisting the Lombardi trophy, too. Pacman is suspended (this is not a recording), Romo is no-mo with a hurt pinky, and Jerry Jones just added T.O.'s eeeeevil twin in the form WR Roy Williams. Adding anyone from Detroit wouldn't even be good for the Obama team's karma right now.
So without further ado, let's get right to our not-for-profit selections:
Giants (-10.5) over 49ers: McCain has avoided campaigning in 49erland for some odd reason.
Titans (-8) over Chiefs: Remember the good 'ol days when it was almost impossible to walk into Kansas City and escape with a win? Memories are all the Chiefs have now, as QB Brodie Croyle has as much experience as Obama, and Tennessee's D is legit.
Chargers (+1) over Bills: Bolts tend to play up to their competition. And if both teams wear their throwback uniforms,
All NFL fans will be winners regardless of the outcome.
Raiders (+3) over Jets: Speaking of throwback uniforms, here's a memo to the Jets and their horrific oldies: Two victories over teams that have zero Super Bowl wins between them at home wearing those navy and gold duds doesn't mean your clothes are giving you good luck. It's just means one week you've played a West Coast team at home at 1:00 PM (where East Coast teams win 99.44% of the time, although don't quote me on that), and you beat the Bengals (who lose 100% of the time this year) the next.
Steelers (-9.5) over Bengals: Speaking of the Bengals...
Dolphins (-3) over Ravens: How could anyone root against the coolest offense in football?
Bucs (-10.5) over Seahawks: Tough year for Seattle, who lost their NBA team, saw their baseball team finish last, and now have the always-boring but usually reliable Seahawks become cellar-dwellers in an already bad division.
It's also a tough year for Florida politics, who once again lead the way in Washington in terms of the number of representatives who strongly oppose monogamy in any form. And in the likely case you hadn't heard, Tim Mahoney (D-FL) paid his mistress over $120,000 after firing her to keep her quiet about their affair. If Mahoney had an (R) next to his name, you could only imagine broad brush painted over the entire GOP that would have been used. Oh wait, that already happened with Florida's Mark Foley (R). Two years later, crickets...
Lions (+9.5) over Texans: What's more surprising? That the Texans could be favored over anyone by nearly double digits? Or that I've already taken away more than 14 seconds of your life by even writing anything about this game?
Bears (-3) over Vikings: I'm trying to decide who has less of a sense of humor...
a) Lovie Smith of Chicago
b) Barack Obama of Chicago
Watching his surprisingly horrific comedic performance at the Al Smith dinner compared to McCain, who somehow morphed into the white Chris Rock, makes me believe that Lovie has the edge here. Smith's Bears also get to beat up on the Vikings, who apparently are allergic to grass.
Redskins over Browns (+7.5): Tough week for plumbers from Ohio. Seriously, what regular citizen will ever ask a Presidential candidate an honest question again? Joe the Plumber was shamefully depicted by the media and Obama as a GOP pawn, liar, and hopeless dreamer. He was also characterized as a tax cheat by people like NBC's Keith Olbermann, who only has at least FOUR tax liens against him. Listening to KO preach about the duty of paying taxes is like getting taught the Heimlich maneuver by Jack Kevorkian.
Packers (+1) over Colts: Whoever the sports reporter was that said Eli is now better than Peyton, who was a little rusty starting the season before showing why he is the greatest quarterback ever to play the game, should really look into another line of work. Gregg Easterbrook of ESPN.com...you have an urgent call on Line 1.
Panthers (+3) over Saints: Secretary of State Rice says she'd like to be NFL Commissioner someday, but that job will belong to Obama if McCain pulls the election off. Apparently NFL owners feel that his tax plan is just like the league's salary cap system: Socialism and spreading the wealth at its very worst.
Rams (+7) over Cowboys: Dallas starting QB Brad Johnson looks as old as Biden pre-Botox.
Pats (-3) over Broncos: Boston's Mike Barnicle was a guest on Mike Francesa's sports talk radio show this week, where he happily proclaimed that Obama wrapped up the election "weeks and weeks ago." And people wonder why the infamous plagiarist plays backup QB to Chrissie Matthews on MSDNC when the bleach-blond beefcake is on vacation.
Enjoy the show, folks. It's finally football-watching weather!
Joe Concha is a weekly contributor to NewsBusters.org. Email question or comments to joeconcha@yahoo.com
