On Wednesday, CBS Late Show host Stephen Colbert appeared for the entire hour on the NPR chat show Fresh Air with Terry Gross. It's like attending a meeting with the president of your fan club. Four years ago, Gross giggled as Romney suggested his fake-conservative character couldn't help Mitt Romney: "it's an almost unprecedented candidacy as far as I can tell. Nobody seems to like him, even the people who are behind him… He's just a walking wound."
Since NPR folks hate Fox News with a passion, Gross and Colbert giggled over the downfall of Fox boss Roger Ailes over sexual harassment allegations. When Gross asked if he had a special interest in that story, Colbert cracked " If by special interest, you mean rolling my eyes back in ecstasy in an overstuffed chair....then, yeah. I have a special interest in that."
GROSS: For The Colbert Report, you had to follow Fox News really closely 'cause your character was based in part on Bill O'Reilly, and...
COLBERT: Though, I didn't actually watch Bill for most of the series. I got it in my head.
GROSS: Right.
COLBERT: And then I only watched him on basic stories. I - at a certain point, I couldn't actually sip that cup anymore.
GROSS: But you still had to watch Fox in general, didn't you?
COLBERT: Yeah, we were - we raked through it to see what the take on the right was, yeah.
GROSS: Right. So I'm thinking you might be taking a special interest in the Roger Ailes sex scandal that led to his having to leave Fox News.
COLBERT: If by special interest, you mean rolling my eyes back in ecstasy in an overstuffed chair...
GROSS: (Laughter).
COLBERT: If that's what you mean by, special interest, then, yeah. I have a special interest in that.
GROSS: (Laughter).
COLBERT: What I can't believe is that happened during the end of the first week - that happened the end of the first week of the Republican convention, when we had already talked to Jon Stewart about coming on as being a surprise guest that night. And I couldn't believe I got to share that moment with Jon at my desk of - of - of Roger Ailes's comeuppance, or come-down-ance or however you want to describe that. It was a perfect consummation devoutly to be wished that the two of us should be together as his flaming meteor, you know, hit the surface of the barren planet that will be the rest of his career.
GROSS: Unless he heads up Trump TV?
COLBERT: I don't think you can ever shake off the accusations against him. I don't think he's got enough ticks left in his heart to shake off the tar that has stuck to him from the revelations of his behavior.
The obseqious Gross laughter is in the original NPR transcript, not just mine. Ailes couldn't possibly "shake off the tar that has stuck to him," as the liberals labor to put a sexual harasser in the White House as "First Gentleman." That's not to mention that Colbert gushed liberally in this interview over the wonders of his CBS predecessor David Letterman, who was exposed as a seducer of office staff.
Now that he's not pretending to hide his liberalism, Colbert can assure NPR listeners he doesn't touch that Fox poison any more:
GROSS: So now that you're not doing The Colbert Report character, are you watching any more or less of Fox News?
COLBERT: I almost never - I never watch Fox News, nor do I ever mention them on air. You'll notice that I have not said the words Fox News. I think I maybe said it once in 250 shows.The pure polarization that is a hit of heroin to those who take pleasure from political strife has no more appeal to me.
I'd rather talk about the story itself and what is happening than what people are saying about the story.
There is really nothing phonier than Colbert decrying "pure polarization." Gingrich giggled through him mocking Newt Gingrich's fight with Megyn Kelly over Bill Clinton's record of sexual misconduct. "That's really, like hilarious," she gushed. Then he warned Trump was a "monstrous aberration of our political history." Doesn't that sound like a heroin hit of polarization? How about calling Trump a "flaming carcass" that's "rabid"?
COLBERT: I mean, this is a very emotional election. I've done this enough to know that it always gets emotional, especially toward the end. But this one has particular emotion because I don't think there's an equivalency of the candidates. I think that you have someone who is -- in Hillary Clinton, someone who is -- been around for a long time, but actually represents -- if I were to be pejorative, represents a -- steeped in what you would think of as the common systemic corruption of Washington, D.C., but that her experience obviates that particular sin. To a degree, that seems necessary in a complicated world.
Donald Trump seems like a monstrous aberration of our political history. We have never flirted with strongman before. Not at this level. And so the political stakes seem enormous. And so the emotional investment is unprecedented.
GROSS: So in addition to trying to be funny and entertain your audience, do you feel like you're also trying to make an argument with your comedy that look - look at this election. Look at how important it is. Here's how I feel about the candidates.
COLBERT: I don't think I've been subtle...
GROSS: (Laughter).
COLBERT: ...About how I feel about Donald Trump. So it's less of an argument and more of a look, look at the flaming carcass shambling toward us. And we should probably not touch that thing. You know, look, it's rabid. Don't touch it. But that's not the same thing as making an argument for - against him or for Hillary Clinton because I don't think we've made an argument for Hillary Clinton. I think people's hesitancy about Hillary Clinton is completely reasonable.
Notice, please, that all this "rabid" talk is completely welcome giggle fodder for NPR listeners, who think their channel is all about civility, but not when it comes to people they hate.
PS: Gross asked Colbert for an opinion on Pope Francis, who's viewed in Democratic circles as pretty much a Democrat. Colbert claimed the "highly politicized church" of Pope John Paul II during the Cold War "always upset me." He was too close to Reagan, apparently:
GROSS: I want to ask you a question about Pope Francis.
COLBERT: Frankie.
GROSS: (Laughter).
COLBERT: Papa Francs, yeah.
GROSS: So what are your impressions of him so far, and what impact does that have on you, as a Catholic, to have a new pope or specifically to have Pope Francis? It's not like you're - you know, you're meeting him or talking with him. But he is the head of the church. So, yeah, what effect does it have on you?
COLBERT: I'm a Catholic, unironically. And what I like about Pope Francis is that is - the message, for the most part - much is made of his very inclusive message and there are aspects to his papacy that I'm sure are conservative in ways that his surprised American flock don't pay much attention to. But this is the church that I imagined as a child. And this is the church that I was raised in. The highly politicized Catholic Church of John Paul the II, how it was brought into the fold of the Republican coalition of the Reagan years always upset me because I think the church is larger than any political moment. And I've always enjoyed its century-long view of things.
I like that Francis has put the focus on the poor and humility of saying who am I to judge the love of a gay couple? Those two things alone are very hopeful that the church has a message that will resonate with the coming generations as the world slowly changes its opinion of certain social stories.
