On Friday's Real Time with Bill Maher, host Maher closed the last show of the season mocking Dr. Ben Carson and other "Jesus freaks" as he used a quote from Dr. Carson about "God's fingers" pushing him to the presidency, with the HBO host charging that God has been to blame for "every war in human history," including the Paris terrorist attacks.
Before giving his anti-religion commentary, Maher raised the issue of religion at the end of the show's regular "New Rules" segment as he took aim at Dr. Carson, calling him "Dr. Giggles," and a "dingdong." Maher:
I know the Constitution says there can be no religious test for holding office, but, sorry, you can't get your hands on the nuclear launch codes if you own a painting of yourself with Jesus in a bath robe. This is a painting that hangs in Ben Carson's home of him and Jesus apparently enjoying a spa day.
So, yes, you can believe whatever you want and still run for office, but it's got to work the other way, too. As a voter, it's perfectly fine for me to say, "Uh-uh, Dr. Giggles, because you, sir, are a clear and present dingdong."
The HBO host then segued into his closing commentary:
Now, we here at Real Time have had our fun with Ben Carson, who seems like a decent man, so I try to overlook some of his, shall we say, unorthodox beliefs, like the pyramids are full of Cheerios. Or when he said that prison turns men gay when we all know that's the Bravo network.
He added:
But Ben Carson is a Seventh Day Adventist, a religion founded in the 19th century on Pastor William Miller's guarantee that Jesus would return to Earth on October 22, 1844. Spoiler alert: He didn't. Which you would think would have made the followers go, "Well, I guess that was a bunch of bull****." It's like believing in the Wizard of Oz after Todo pulls back the curtain.
After asserting that Seventh Day Adventists refer to the date when the world did not end as "the great disappointment," he turned to attacking Christians as "Jesus freaks" who should be grilled by the media:
You know what my great disappointment is? That I live in a country where four out of ten people believe we're living in End Times. And that the stupid media never asks Jesus freaks running for office two questions: Do you believe the world is ending soon? And: Is that a bad thing? Because I'm the opposite of an End Timer. I'm a spend timer. I want to spend as much time as I can on this planet, and I want some planet left for the children and grandchildren who are always kicking the back of my airplane seat.
After aiming some additional attacks on the views of Christians, he ended by blaming God for all wars:
Ben Carson says he could, quote, "feel God's fingers" pushing him to be President. You know what? Tell God to keep his fingers to himself. Because we know where those fingers have been: in every war in human history from the ones he started in the Old Testament to the one that just played out in Paris.
Below is a complete transcript of the commentary from the Friday, November 20, Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO:
BILL MAHER (finishing the regular "New Rules" segment): And, finally, new rule, I know the Constitution says there can be no religious test for holding office, but, sorry, you can't get your hands on the nuclear launch codes if you own a painting of yourself with Jesus in a bath robe. This is a painting that hangs in Ben Carson's home of him and Jesus apparently enjoying a spa day.
So, yes, you can believe whatever you want and still run for office, but it's got to work the other way, too. As a voter, it's perfectly fine for me to say, "Uh-uh, Dr. Giggles, because you, sir, are a clear and present dingdong."
Now, we here at Real Time have had our fun with Ben Carson, who seems like a decent man, so I try to overlook some of his, shall we say, unorthodox beliefs, like the pyramids are full of Cheerios. Or when he said that prison turns men gay when we all know that's the Bravo network. I had to put that in there.
ANDY COHEN, BRAVO NETWORK: Now, I know why I'm here.
MAHER: All right. But Ben Carson is a Seventh Day Adventist, a religion founded in the 19th century on Pastor William Miller's guarantee that Jesus would return to Earth on October 22, 1844. Spoiler alert: He didn't. Which you would think would have made the followers go, "Well, I guess that was a bunch of bull****." It's like believing in the Wizard of Oz after Todo pulls back the curtain.
But, no, that's logical, and this is religion. Seventh Day Adventists are obsessed with the world ending, and refer to the world not ending in 1844 as "the great disappointment." They're disappointed that the world still exists. I don't have to agree with a politician on everything. We can disagree on abortion, entitlements, paid sick leave, the earned income tax credit. But the Earth staying is kind of a deal breaker for me.
You know what my great disappointment is? That I live in a country where four out of ten people believe we're living in End Times. And that the stupid media never asks Jesus freaks running for office two questions: Do you believe the world is ending soon? And: Is that a bad thing? Because I'm the opposite of an End Timer. I'm a spend timer. I want to spend as much time as I can on this planet, and I want some planet left for the children and grandchildren who are always kicking the back of my airplane seat.
Politicians here love to talk about "fundamental differences." This is as fundamental as it gets, folks. Lamar Smith is the chairman of the House Science Committee, and he's a Christian scientist, which means he doesn't believe in science. He wants to repeal ObamaCare and replace it with prayer. John Shimkus is chairman of the House Subcommittee on the Environment, and he says, "Don't worry about rising sea levels because, in the Bible, God promised Noah there won't be anymore floods."
So what if the oceans are dying and we kill all the fish? Christ can make more. He's done it before.
No wonder nothing ever gets done in this country. How serious can people like this be about wanting to improve the future when they don't think we'll be around for it? A majority of angelicals (sic) say Christ will either probably or definitely return to Earth by 2050, depending on his schedule. So why fix the street lights if there's just going to be a big fight with Satan? Why reform health care? Why wear pants?
Ben Carson says he could, quote, "feel God's fingers" pushing him to be President. You know what? Tell God to keep his fingers to himself. Because we know where those fingers have been: in every war in human history from the ones he started in the Old Testament to the one that just played out in Paris. But, just in case I'm wrong about the Apocalypse, and the end does come while we're off, let me make sure I say it now to all my favorite liberals, who I do really love, Merry War on Christmas, and Happy Hannukah to all of our ages. All right, that's our show. We'll be back January 15th.
