Lewis Black Hammers Black Friday 'Tax' as 'Most Anti-American Thing I've Ever Heard'

November 20th, 2014 6:31 PM

During Wednesday evening's edition of The Daily Show on the Comedy Central cable network, comedian Lewis Black devoted his “Back in Black” segment to slamming the tradition of Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving and a time when stores open early and shoppers arrive before the sun comes up to buy items at huge discounts.

Black claimed that even worse than the rush to get tremendous bargains is the practice of “taxing” stores in malls that stay closed so their employees can spend the time with their families. “That’s the most anti-American thing I’ve ever heard!” Black exclaimed. “It’s like Sharia law for capitalism!”

Host Jon Stewart introduced the feature by stating: “When a news story falls through the cracks,” the raspy-throated comedian sheds light on it.

“Next week is my favorite day of the year,” Black stated, but he wasn't talking about Thanksgiving. Instead, it's Black Friday because if you “trample a guy on a Tuesday afternoon, you get charged with assault. But do it in a Walmart on Black Friday, you get a PS4” [a computer used to play video games].

“But this year,” he noted, “something about Black Friday is twisting everyone's panties.”

He then showed a series of video clips in which television reporters complained that “Black Friday itself is turning into an entire season,” “Starting the sales on Thanksgiving should be illegal,” and “We might as well call it 'Black November.'

Black responded with both guns blazing:

What the hell are you complaining about? “Oh, no! Now blenders are on sale for a whole month! God, why have thou forsaken us?”

Nobody's forcing you to buy anything. You can shop. You can not shop. You can do what we Jews do and wait until the day after Christmas, when they're practically giving s**t away!

“But there is one group of people who should be complaining,” the comedian noted before showing a clip in which a female TV host asked: “What about the workers at these stores?” Her male co-anchor added: “Yeah, when exactly do they get to celebrate Thanksgiving with their families?”

Other people claimed that “workers are upset” because they're “forced to work" on the holiday or the day after. A Walmart employee stated: “They keep saying that they care about their associates. That's not the case.”

“Well, personally,” Black then stated, “I'd much rather spend Thanksgiving at Kmart helping a fat guy shove his way into a pair of crocks [shoes or sandals]” because that “beats listening to my nephew explain again how he's allergic to beets. No, you're not, Matthew; you just don't like them. Nobody does, but you gotta f**king eat 'em!”

“But if this lady wants to spend Thanksgiving with her family, who can blame her?” the comedian asked. “Turns out, everybody.”

Then he showed another series of video clips featuring people stating “They should be happy that they have a job.” “What's wrong with a little capitalism?” and “If a company wants to open up on Thanksgiving, let them open up.”

The most disturbing clip came from Steve Doocy on the Fox & Friends morning program, who quoted an email from a viewer as stating: “You have got to be kidding me. … Just go to work. You can celebrate by eating a turkey sandwich while on break. [I] did it for years and was well compensated.”

“Sure, Thanksgiving is just as good eating a cold sandwich alone in the back of a Kmart,” Black snarled. “You don't even need cranberry sauce. You can season it with your tears.”

“But this year, it's not just employees getting screwed into working on Thanksgiving,” he stated. “it's the stores, too.”

In another clip, a female reporter stated that stores in a certain mall “have a tough choice this year: Open on Thanksgiving or possibly pay a lot of money in fines and penalties.”

“You're taxing stores for observing Thanksgiving?” Black shouted. “That’s the most anti-American thing I’ve ever heard! It’s like Sharia law for capitalism!”

He then asked: “But if no one cares when stores force employees to work on Thanksgiving, who's gonna shed a tear when malls force stores to stay open?”

In a final clip, a female TV reporter stated: “A mall in upstate New York is strongarming its retailers into opening on Thanksgiving. So much for the holiday spirit.

“So, let me get this straight,” Black growled in conclusion. “You can't make a store open on Thanksgiving. It's just a poor, helpless corporation. But people? Punch in and shut the f**k up! You can see your family in January!”

As NewsBusters previously reported, in mid-October, the comedian loudly joined a campaign being carried out by the ACLU to “F**k Voter IDs” since the organization views them as attempts at voter suppression.