Bill Maher closed Friday’s edition of Real Time by pleading with President Trump to take $1 million in cash and resign from office. After portraying the President as a “liar” and a swindler, Maher outlined an elaborate proposal to team up with celebrities and ordinary Trump-hating Americans to help him “go away,” in other words: resign.
Throughout the final portion of his satirical segment “New Rules,” Maher outlined his own “money history with this guy” dating back to 2013; when the HBO host offered then-private citizen Trump five million dollars if he could prove that he was not the son of an orangutan. Maher proceeded to give President Trump “another chance to get some money out of me,” noting that “you and I have been going back and forth on whether you will leave office if you lose the election.”
Maher initially proposed making a bet with the President: “I will bet you a million dollars right now that if you lose the 2020 election, I’m right and you won’t leave.” Maher changed his mind about offering Trump a bet because he found it unlikely that “he’d ever pony up even if he lost a bet.” At this point, Maher rolled out a revised proposal: “Just take my check for $1 million...I bet I could get another thousand people just from here to the beach, including Malibu...who would pay that much to see you resign.”
Maher’s insistence on paying Trump to resign seems to indicate that he does not have high hopes that the impeachment inquiry will succeed in removing him from office. As he plead with the President to step down, Maher declared: “it’s really very simple. You love money, we hate you. Take the money...you could finally be the billionaire you always pretended you were.” Apparently, Maher forgot that Trump does not even take a salary.
While Maher only committed to giving President Trump $1 million, he predicted that he could raise $1 billion from anti-Trump celebrates such as Oprah, Madonna, Cher, and Beyoncé. Maher made sure to remind the President that “singers, actors, athletes; everyone f***ing hates you.”
In an effort to drive that message home, Maher showed Trump a list of “every single person in show business with the names of those who do not hate you crossed out.” The list only consisted of one name that was crossed out: Kid Rock.
Maher also predicted that “millions and millions of not so rich and famous people who despise you too” would “happily chip in five, ten, twenty bucks, or pawn their wedding rings” just to donate to the effort to oust Trump. Maher wrapped up his monologue by announcing “the formation of my national crowdfunding platform to bribe President Trump to leave,” giving it the name “Prickstarter.”
Over the past two years, Maher has made his desperation to remove President Trump from office pathetically obvious; from wishing for a recession to begging First Lady Melania Trump to dump her husband. While his rants may serve as therapy sessions for those afflicted with Trump Derangement Syndrome, they will continue to fall flat when it comes to actually convincing the President to leave office.
A transcript of the relevant portion of Friday’s edition of Real Time is below. Click “expand” to read more.
Real Time With Bill Maher
10/18/19
10:49 PM
BILL MAHER: And finally, new rule. It’s time somebody called out Donald Trump for something he’s doing that I don’t think anyone has caught onto yet: He’s a big liar!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: No, I mean it. Hear me out! Hear me out!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: When he announced he was running the first time, he said:
PRESIDENT TRUMP: I don’t need anybody's money. I’m using my own money. I’m not using donors. I don’t care. I’m really rich.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: But he’s not really rich, and he’s used plenty of other people’s money; 90 percent of his 2016 campaign was funded by other people’s money. His whole reason for being there is a lie; this notion of “I can’t be bought, because I have so much money, I don’t care about money anymore!” No, the exact opposite is true: The man is constantly for sale. That wasn’t toilet paper on his shoe; it’s a price tag.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: He grubs for every penny. He wasn’t above cheating his charity; Trump University was a pyramid scheme. He just put a G7 meeting in one of his golf clubs. There is not a dollar he has ever left on the table since he took office. He’s worried about Ukrainian corruption? The only time corruption bothers Donald Trump is when he’s not in on it. If…
(APPLAUSE)
MAHER: If your country pays in cash.
PRESIDENT TRUMP: Saudi Arabia pays cash.
MAHER: You can literally get away with murder. You know…
(APPLAUSE)
MAHER: …even I have a little money history with this guy. Remember, Mr. President, 2013, when you sued me? Because I publicly offered you five million dollars if you could prove you were not the son of an orangutan.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: He remembered this.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: It was a joke, but when you heard five million dollars, like a bum who chases a dollar on the sidewalk tied to a string…
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: …you could not resist chasing it into court. Well you lost that one, but tonight…
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: One second. Tonight, I want to give you another chance to get some money out of me. Now, you and I have been going back and forth on whether you will leave office if you lose the election.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT TRUMP: I mean, you have one guy on television, “I’m telling you, he’s not leaving. He’s going to win and then he’s not leaving. So in 2024, he won’t leave.” I’m telling you, this is a serious person.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
MAHER: Thank you.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: Yeah. Serious person to serious person, I will bet you a million dollars right now that if you lose the 2020 election, I’m right and you won’t leave. Oh, what am I saying? This is Donald Trump we’re talking about…like he’d ever pony up even if he lost a bet. That would involve two things he’s never done: Admit defeat and pay a bill.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: Okay so…okay so forget the bet. I got a better idea. How ‘bout this? Just take my check for one million dollars. My check for a million, and I bet I could get another thousand people just from here to the beach; including Malibu, of course…
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: …who would pay that much to see you resign. And…
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: And to those out there who are saying, “My God, Bill, are you suggesting we pay this man to go away?” Yes, that’s exactly what I’m suggesting.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: In fact, I’m insisting.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: Celebrities do nothing but waste their money on stupey…stupid, crazy shit like castles and jewel-encrusted crucifixes and shark tanks and private islands; here’s something they could spend on and know it was doing some good. Let’s…
(APPLAUSE)
MAHER: …let’s speak to Donald Trump in the only language he has ever really understood.
PRESIDENT TRUMP: My whole life has been money. I want money. I want money. Greedy. I was greedy, greedy. I want more money, more money.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: It’s not like he was hiding it. It goes back to his childhood; from the moment his father created his first teenage shell company. Money. Money. Money makes Donnie a winner. Daddy loves good boy who gets money.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: So…so Mr. President, it’s really very simple: You love money, we hate you.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: Take the money.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: Take our money. You could finally be the billionaire you always pretended you were. Yes, I said bill-ionaire, ‘cause the kind of money I could get from, just off the top of my head, Oprah, Cher, Madonna, Gaga, Bono, Jay- Z, Beyonce’, Pink, Rihanna, Usher, Pharrell, Eminem…and that’s just the ones with one name.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: Singers, actors, athletes. Everyone fucking hates you.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: Here’s a list of every single person in show business…
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: This is a list of every single person in show business with the names of those who do not hate you crossed out.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: Finally, let us not forget the millions and millions of not-so-rich and famous people who despise you too; Americans of modest means who would happily chip in five, ten, 20 bucks, or pawn their wedding rings, whatever it took.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: And that’s why tonight, I am formally announcing the formation of my national crowdfunding platform to bribe President Trump to leave…I mean, sir, win.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: And we call it “Prickstarter.”
(LAUGHTER)
