On Friday’s edition of Real Time, host Bill Maher devoted part of his closing monologue to trashing Attorney General Bill Barr. While the attack on Barr was probably expected, few could have predicted that the HBO host would use Barr as a pretense to tear into his religion, which Maher referred to as “the cult of Catholicism.”
Maher concluded his satirical segment “New Rules” by taking a shot at Barr: “[I]f you look like you’ve got a stick up your ass, you’ve got a stick up your ass.” When trying to explain “[w]hat happened to Bill Barr,” Maher declared that “In 1950, he was born into a strange cult and he’s never been able to leave. It’s called Catholicism.”
Maher described Barr as “[j]ust the latest in a long line of Republican Catholic moralizers,” before mocking Barr for trashing the sexual revolution and the drug culture. He scoffed at Barr’s past statements arguing that “the greatest threat to free government, the Founders believed, was not governmental tyranny, but personal licentiousness,” and that “the Founders believed the choice was clear. We could govern ourselves guided by religion and morality, or we could lose our liberty altogether.” Maher pushed back on Barr’s analysis: “Yes, they believed it so strongly, they wrote it down nowhere.”
Maher went on to attack the “creepy sub-strain of Catholic conservatives” including Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Rick Santorum, Pat Buchanan, and Bill Bennett. Maher also complained that while the country is only 21 percent Catholic, the Supreme Court is 67 percent Catholic before taking a shot at “Clarence Thomas and his batshit wife Ginni.”
For the record, his math doesn’t add up. Five out of nine does not equal 67 percent.
Maher also mocked the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia for once writing “if it were up to me, I would put in jail every sandal-wearing, scruffy-bearded weirdo who burns the American flag.” After sarcastically declaring that “we can never trust a ‘sandal-wearing, scruffy-bearded weirdo,’” Maher put a picture of Jesus Christ up on the screen.
Maher continued his rant: “[T]here are people who have a real problem with unsanctioned pleasure. And growing up Catholic myself, I know a lot of it stems from being taught not to masturbate as a teenager. You’ve got Jesus on the cross in your bedroom, staring at you all the time. When you touch yourself, there he is, disappointed, it’s like you’re crucifying him all over again.” Maher concluded his closing monologue by delivering a message to the Catholic Church and the conservatives he trashed, accompanied by a pornographic picture: “[T]here was a sexual revolution and you lost. Now, stop bitching about it.”
It seems like Maher and progressives across America want to silence those who still hold true to the traditional values that the left finds archaic. Maher has apparently concluded that if all else fails, he can mock them mercilessly.
A transcript of the relevant portion of Friday’s edition of Real Time is below. Click “expand” to read more.
Real Time With Bill Maher
05/17/19
10:50 PM
BILL MAHER: And finally, new rule: If you look like you’ve got a stick up your ass, you’ve…
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: …you’ve probably got a stick up your ass.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: Now…
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: When President Hellboy first dug William Barr out of the garage, pundits said, “Oh, at least this one’s normal. He’s an indoor Republican.” But now the pundits are asking, “How could this smart, normal person fall under the Trump spell so fast? We thought he was old-school, an institutionalist, what happened to bill Barr?” I’ll tell you what happened: in 1950, he was born into a strange cult, and he’s never been able to leave. It’s called Catholicism.
(APPLAUSE)
MAHER: That’s the secret to why Bill Barr was so anxious to become Donald Trump’s loyal hand. He’s just the latest in a long line of Republican Catholic moralizers who actually believe…well, here’s Barr in 1995: “We have lived through 30 years of permissiveness, the sexual revolution, and the drug culture. The greatest threat to free government, the Founders believed, was not governmental tyranny, but personal licentiousness.” You see? Barr knows Trump wants to be a dictator, but who cares? It’s not about tyranny; it’s about tits. Barr once wrote in Catholic Lawyer magazine… worst swimsuit issue ever…
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: “The founders believed the choice was clear. We could govern ourselves guided by religion and morality, or we could lose our liberty altogether.” Yes, they believed it so strongly they wrote it down nowhere.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: There, there is nothing about morality in the Constitution. It’s like Jesus on the subject of butt sex, it ain’t in there. It’s in here. “Permissiveness,” “licentiousness,” “drug culture,” I’ve heard these words and listened to this same horseshit my whole life. This creepy sub-strain of Catholic conservatives who think “limited government” means government should put a limit on people’s sex lives.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Rick Santorum…who predicted gay marriage would lead to man-dog marriage; really? Pat Buchanan, Bill Bennett with his “Book of Virtues,” Robert Bork, Newt Gingrich, geez. “Law & Order: Special Virgins Unit.”
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: It’s almost like there’s a religious war going on in this country.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PAT BUCHANAN: There is a religious war going on in this country.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
MAHER: See? And then there’s the Supreme Court. The country is 21 percent Catholic, but the court is 67 percent Catholic, including Clarence Thomas and his batshit wife Ginni, and until recently, their mentor Antonin Scalia, who was really hard core, I mean, Mel Gibson’s dad level Catholic. Scalia once said, “If it were up to me, I would put in jail every sandal-wearing, scruffy-bearded weirdo who burns the American flag.” Yes, because we can never trust a “sandal-wearing, scruffy-bearded weirdo.”
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: Okay, maybe one. And now we have Brett Kavanaugh, he of the landmark case Tastes Great vs. Less Filling.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: He’s another one of these. In the ‘90s, he wrote the Starr report. And he wanted it to be about Bill Clinton’s cock. He said Clinton had “disgraced his office, the legal system, and American people by having sex with a 22-year-old, and it is our job to make his pattern of revolting behavior clear -- piece by painful piece.” Jesus, he’s not just mad he wasn’t invited to the party; he’s mad there is a party.
(APPLAUSE)
MAHER: These are people who have a real problem with unsanctioned pleasure. Growing up Catholic myself, I know a lot of it stems from being taught not to masturbate as a teenager. You’ve got Jesus on the cross in your bedroom, staring at you all the time. When you touch yourself, there he is, disappointed, it’s like you’re crucifying him all over again.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: The Catholic Church is very good at pretending it’s modernizing; a pope will change the rule about no meat on Friday, or say atheists can get into heaven…like we care but the hardcore inquisitors never go away. And they think their job is to protect the Republican Party at all costs, so it can fight the real enemy: hippies; shown here in 1969, and on a continuous loop in Republican heads. It’s the 50th anniversary of Woodstock this summer, and conservatives need to be told: That’s all it is. It’s not the anniversary of when everything went to shit because some kids got high and got laid and God didn’t punish them. They just had to listen to Sha Na Na.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: So, yes. There was a sexual revolution and you lost. Now stop bitching about it. Because Bill Barr, he’s that guy. “Woodstock ruined America. Now put prayer back in school, or I’ll never stop dreaming about this guy’s dick.”
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
