Olbermann's lambasting of O'Reilly came during a recurring segment called "Factor Fiction," which was regularly introduced by voice actor Seth MacFarlane in the voice of the character Stewie Griffin from the television show The Family Guy, during which an audio recording of MacFarlane calling O'Reilly a "bastard" and asking O'Reilly to "allow me to soil myself on you" would play. MacFarlane: "Countdown presents Factor Fiction, wherein we catch that bastard Bill O'Reilly lying again. Oh wait, Bill, hold still. Allow me to soil myself on you. Victory is mine!"
Olbermann responded to O'Reilly's attacks on Rick Kaplan, who had recently resigned as president of MSNBC. A clip of O'Reilly from The O'Reilly Factor was played in which O'Reilly stated that Kaplan had left MSNBC, as the FNC host put emphasis on the word "left.": "Also some major chaos at MSNBC where Rick Kaplan has left."
Olbermann mocked O'Reilly and referred to "dim bulbs" in the FNC host's audience: "Bill made another funny. See, by overemphasizing the word 'left,' he is sending a subtle signal to the dim bulbs in his audience that former MSNBC president Rick Kaplan might have had personal political beliefs that tended towards liberal or left. Bill invented the term."
The Countdown host then cited improvements in his show's ratings, and reductions in those of O'Reilly. Olbermann: "From a year ago to right now, MSNBC's ratings are up 12 percent overall, 13 percent among viewers 25 to 54, and at the hour you and I are on head to head, we're up 37 percent and you're down 20 percent ... 'Closing in on its 10th anniversary, MSNBC's ratings are lower than they were six years ago, which might be ridiculous.' You just sort of got lost in that last sentence, huh, Bill? Listen, Slappy, Fox's ratings are lower than they were five years ago. Bill-O, 267,000 of your nightly viewers have vanished since last June. Call Fox security, they're missing! All 11 of Fox's regular shows' ratings are down. Four of them are down by 15 percent or more. If John Gibson loses any more audience, he won't even need a microphone. And your boss, Jabba the Hut, he's taking out ads threatening to fire his own employees. Your ratings whoopin' stick is now smaller than your falafel."
Olbermann further mocked O'Reilly as he summed up his rant: "Bill, seriously, it's slipping away from you. You don't know what to do. You can't even lie well anymore. Seriously, I understand, it's called panic. Like what happened to you in Scranton and Hartford and Boston with that thing with the egg on Zippy the sportscaster's face. And at ABC, when Rick Kaplan got you fired. It's terrifying. You begin to see the audience dying off and the creases deepening in your forehead and the loofahs drying up. You make mistakes, you trust the wrong people, you blame Al Franken, you yell at somebody, you yell at everybody. It feels like the ladder is teetering, you're tired, you're depressed, you're anxious, you're balding. Let me give you three words of advice, Bill-O: Keep it up!"
Below is a transcript of relevant portions of the June 28, 2006, Countdown show on MSNBC:
KEITH OLBERMANN: "And as to O'Reilly, as his lying about Murtha suggests, there has been the usual baying at the moon, the facts that prove far more difficult for him to understand than the fables and the suggestion we should use Saddam Hussein's tactics to pacify post-Saddam Iraq. But otherwise it's been very quiet over in that other plane of non-existence known as O'Reilly land. That has now changed and you know what that means. Hey, kids, what time is it?"
OLBERMANN: "Yes, Bill-O came off the tracks again Tuesday night in a rant split evenly between the two avenging angels who haunt his dreams, Air America Radio and MSNBC. Et coute et trede ouizet, as they said in French class. 'If you've read any of my books-' Which one, the soft core porn novel that was reviewed on Amazon as a real load in the pants or the advice book for kids that came out just as the Andrea Mackris scandal broke? 'If you've read any of my books, you know I believe in karma. Do bad things, you'll get yours eventually.' Now you know why I'm here, Bill. You've done bad things. 'Do good things, you'll be rewarded. Recently, two bad guys got theirs.' Here Bill went off into some story about management changes at Air America, a radio network he called d-sastrous, which I hear was the birth name of D. Snider from Twisted Sister. He eventually meandered towards the point. 'We believe there is major chaos at that far-left concern.' As an aside, Bill, who's this 'we' you always talk about? You and Ann Coulter? You and your multiple personalities? You and your loofah?"
BILL O'REILLY, FROM THE O'REILLY FACTOR: "Also some major chaos at MSNBC where Rick Kaplan has left."
OLBERMANN: "Bill made another funny. See, by overemphasizing the word 'left,' he is sending a subtle signal to the dim bulbs in his audience that former MSNBC president Rick Kaplan might have had personal political beliefs that tended towards liberal or left. Bill invented the term. '-where Rick Kaplan has left after pretty much destroying that place.'"
OLBERMANN: "Bill, boy! Bill-O! Hey! Over here! Back in reality-based reality! The latest ratings have come out. From a year ago to right now, MSNBC's ratings are up 12 percent overall, 13 percent among viewers 25 to 54, and at the hour you and I are on head to head, we're up 37 percent and you're down 20 percent and, I know, I`m sorry, too many numbers in there. You were assured there would be no math. 'Closing in on its 10th anniversary, MSNBC's ratings are lower than they were six years ago, which might be ridiculous.' You just sort of got lost in that last sentence, huh, Bill? Listen, Slappy, Fox's ratings are lower than they were five years ago. Bill-O, 267,000 of your nightly viewers have vanished since last June. Call Fox security, they're missing! All 11 of Fox's regular shows' ratings are down. Four of them are down by 15 percent or more. If John Gibson loses any more audience, he won't even need a microphone. And your boss, Jabba the Hut, he's taking out ads threatening to fire his own employees. Your ratings whoopin' stick is now smaller than your falafel."
OLBERMANN: "Bill, seriously, it's slipping away from you. You don't know what to do. You can't even lie well anymore. Seriously, I understand, it's called panic. Like what happened to you in Scranton and Hartford and Boston with that thing with the egg on Zippy the sportscaster's face. And at ABC, when Rick Kaplan got you fired. It's terrifying. You begin to see the audience dying off and the creases deepening in your forehead and the loofahs drying up. You make mistakes, you trust the wrong people, you blame Al Franken, you yell at somebody, you yell at everybody. It feels like the ladder is teetering, you're tired, you're depressed, you're anxious, you're balding. Let me give you three words of advice, Bill-O: Keep it up!"
OLBERMANN: "Here's an easy segue, from a snake on TV to Snakes on a Plane. The first official trailer is out for the Internet cult hit. You'll see it here. How about snakes on The View? Star Jones absent from her old show this morning. She gets a very public slapdown as Baba Wawa goes whip spit. Those stories ahead when Countdown continues."
