The cast of NBC’s Saturday Night Live has an unintentionally funny definition of a king. On the most recent episode, James Austin Johnson’s Donald Trump character touted his executive orders on DEI and Pete Hegseth’s confirmation as Secretary of Defense as evidence of Trump’s “king era.”
The rest of the cast was dressed up as the Founding Fathers drafting the Declaration of Independence when Lin-Manuel Miranda joined to reprise his Broadway role of Alexander Hamilton and rap, “I say, our lives matter not if we lose them in the cause of liberty. What matters is the nation we build. Because in America, all men are created equal. America not England, we doing the sequel and we will have leaders but no one thing. In America, we will never have a king.”
The fact that the real Hamilton was artillery captain at the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence notwithstanding, Johnson crashed the party, “Never say never. Kidding, of course, though in many ways I'm not. I'm in my king era. But just like the Founding Fathers, I am creating a new country as well. And just like them, we're doing it very whitely. DEI is over. It's dead. Workplaces must go back to looking like the TV show The Office: mostly white people but with one funny black guy who's having a really bad time.”
Not only is revising the federal government’s HR culture not monarchical, it’s also not making the country whiter.
Still, Johnson later recalled another faux controversy, “We love you, Elon, but to quote some of his own children, ‘I do not want him in my life.’ They say he did the Nazi salute. Not true, okay. He was creating a new greeting, a cross between hi and hello. We're calling it a ‘Heil.’"
Johnson rolled on and struggled to differentiate between mastering Trump’s style of speaking and butchering actual conservative arguments, “I've done more in the past four years than Sleepy Joe and Kamala did in the past four years. All thanks to my beautiful executive orders. From now on, there will be two genders. One to work and one to cook. And we're done with LGBT. No more drag, no more guys in wigs, no more whatever these guys were wearing. What a weird way to dress, right? A little zesty.”
Later still, Johnson added, “Oh, how great is Pete Hegseth? He said he was going to start drinking if he got the job, and that's all I needed to hear. "I'll never drink again!" The famous promise people make right into the toilet. Good luck with that.”
Whether one thinks of Hegseth, the fact that the vice president had to break the tie in the Senate to get him over the top would suggest to anyone who knows what words mean that “king era” is not the correct way to describe Trump’s first week.
Here is a transcript for the January 25 show:
NBC Saturday Night Live
1/25/2025
11:31 PM ET
LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA [AS ALEXANDER HAMILTON]: What do I say? I say, our lives matter not if we lose them in the cause of liberty. What matters is the nation we build.
CAST [AS FOUNDING FATHERS]: Here, here. Aye, aye.
Because in America, all men are created equal. America not England, we doing the sequel and we will have leaders but no one thing. In America, we will never have a king.
JAMES AUSTIN JOHNSON [AS DONALD TRUMP]: Never say never. Kidding, of course, though in many ways I'm not. I'm in my king era. But just like the Founding Fathers, I am creating a new country as well. And just like them, we're doing it very whitely. DEI is over. It's dead. Workplaces must go back to looking like the TV show The Office: mostly white people but with one funny black guy who's having a really bad time. We need to bring back Stanley culture, right? In terms of crossword and with regard to Pretzel Day.
Look at Lin. He got tricked into coming here, now he's frozen on stage. But I'm back in the White House. Just in time. Everything is back to how it was. Except now my new favorite son is Barron. And he is smacking his head on every door frame, oh, it's bad. It's like when Gandalf goes to Bilbo's house. And the inauguration was a tremendous success. It was inside due to cold and fear, but we had a lot of surprise guests like Melania. That was nice. Melania showed up to my inauguration dressed like, frankly, Kung Lao from Mortal Kombat and you know I had to put my nerd herd in the front row, broligarchs before hoeligarchs. I've been saying it, we're saying it a lot.
Zuck, Bezos, Tim Apple, and, of course, Elon. We love you, Elon, but to quote some of his own children, "I do not want him in my life." They say he did the Nazi salute. Not true, okay. He was creating a new greeting, a cross between hi and hello. We're calling it a "Heil."
Lin, what do you think, did he do it? I think he did it a little bit. But -- it's been a great first week. I've done more in the past four years than Sleepy Joe and Kamala did in the past four years. All thanks to my beautiful executive orders. From now on, there will be two genders. One to work and one to cook. And we're done with LGBT. No more drag, no more guys in wigs, no more whatever these guys were wearing. What a weird way to dress, right? A little zesty.
Darling, I'm off to start America! Hand me my wig and my tights and my big blousy shirts. So we're going to go back to common sense in regards to gender. And the women will wear the makeup. No more makeup on men. Unless you need it to be president. Also, we are pulling out of Paris Climate Agreement, we're pulling out of World Health Organization, using something I call the pullout method. Something, frankly, I wish I did a lot more in the 1980s. Eric.
But, as much as I’ve already accomplished, there’s still so much to be done. I know I said I would end the war in Ukraine in 24 hours. I didn't say which 24 hours.
Also have to ensure that all of my cabinet positions are filled. We're filling my cabinet with some of the best people. They're all very good. Except for most of them. Oh, man, what is SNL going to do? Who's going to play Hegseth? Look at these guys back here. None of them got the build. Nobody has the jaw. Got plenty of Zuckerberg options, though, that’s going to be a fight.
Oh, how great is Pete Hegseth? He said he was going to start drinking if he got the job, and that's all I needed to hear. "I'll never drink again!" The famous promise people make right into the toilet. Good luck with that.
Oh, look at Lin, look how bad he wants to do a rap. He wrote a whole rap, and he doesn't get to do it. The audience would have eaten that right up. But we're not going to hear it. He's in sniffing distance of an EGOT, and he's got to stand there till I'm done.
Lindie, Lindie, Lindie, Lindie. Laura Linney. Lin-Manuel Miranda Cosgrove. There he is. He's such a Miran. Well, in conclusion, it's been a great week. I basically hit all my campaign promises except for the one people cared about: price of eggs. All-time high. Who would have thought it would be easier to get a ceasefire in Gaza than bring down the price of eggs? Might have to take the "L" on that one.
You know, we're looking into fabulous alternative egg options such as seagull or perhaps Cadbury. Well, Lin, you've been a great sport. Frankly, a really good friend. I want to thank him for his generous anonymous $1 million donation to my campaign. I know that was you, Lin.
MIRANDA: No, it was not.
JOHNSON: Your word against mine!
JOHNSON AND MIRANDA: And live from New York, it's Saturday Night Live!
