Continuing his effort to provide comfort to despondent liberals, ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel interviewed four former non-violent prisoners on Tuesday where he mused about what Donald Trump could expect if he is ever sent to prison on everything from race relations to his diet to his romantic life.
Kimmel asked his panel, “You're talking about, like, these racial divisions in prison. What would Donald Trump -- what group would he be in? Is there an orange?”
Justin Paperny explained that “In the federal system where I served time, there is some race segregation. But with a white guy goes to sit with blacks or Asians, they're not going to get reprimanded and thrown out, but you want to be respectful.”
Kimmel followed up by wondering, “Did you learn to whisper the word ‘black’ in prison?”
There was no response to that question. Instead, Kimmel moved to prison food, “How hard would it be for him to smuggle in, like, a bucket of KFC? How hard would it be for him to make, like, the 11 Herbs and Spices in the toilet? Is that possible? You guys do any toilet cooking in prison?”
Following some back and forth about KFC and the quality of prison food, Carlos Cervantes added, “Well, now everything is soy-based too, so it sucks.”
Kimmel surmised soy would be especially unpleasant for Trump, “Oh, he's probably never had soy in his whole life.”
Later, Kimmel switched to the idea of prison companionship, where Donte West, who was the only one of the quartet to be exonerated, recalled, “This one time I was in prison, right, walking in the cafeteria, they had a sheet over the table. It was on a date.”
After Kimmel wondered, “So, it’s romantic?” West continued, “Some people are serving life. They want to come in with the modified titties and ass, kind of built like Donald, right, and lights cut off, they come cuddle.”
Following some additional talk about the meaning of the word “cuddle,” Kimmel inquired, “Do you think he will find love in prison?”
West theorized that “I think a big black man would go ahead and take him under his wing.”
An amused Kimmel sought to clarify, “That's right. You're saying racists can get along in certain situations, be they sexual?”
West affirmed, “I think if there's any opportunity, it's for an orange guy like Donnie, for sure.”
Kimmel thinks he’s mocking the powerful by previewing what he and his liberal audience believe Trump deserves, but it is just sad that the idea of Donald Trump cooking out of a prison toilet is what they need to make them feel better about themselves.
Here is a transcript for the March 12 show:
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live
3/12/2024
11:45 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: You're talking about, like, these racial divisions in prison. What would Donald Trump -- what group would he be in? Is there an orange?
JUSTIN PAPERNY: In the federal system where I served time, there is some race segregation. But with a white guy goes to sit with blacks or Asians, they're not going to get reprimanded and thrown out, but you want to be respectful.
KIMMEL: Did you learn to whisper the word “black” in prison?
How hard would it be for him to smuggle in, like, a bucket of KFC? How hard would it be for him to make, like, the 11 Herbs and Spices in the toilet? Is that possible? You guys do any toilet cooking in prison?
ROBY SO: Not in the toilet.
PAPERNY: The closest he would get to KFC, you can cook some incredible -- some of the best meals I ever had were in prison.
KIMMEL: Some of the best meals you ever had were in prison?
PAPERNY: Yeah.
CARLOS CERVANTES: For sure.
KIMMEL: Really?
PAPERNY: Phenomenal meals.
KIMMEL: You say no? You haven't had anything good to eat?
DONTE WEST: I mean, some of the food is good, but you think about all the good food out here, I mean –
CERVANTES: Well, now everything is soy-based too, so it sucks.
KIMMEL: Oh, he's probably never had soy in his whole life.
…
WEST: This one time I was in prison, right, walking in the cafeteria, they had a sheet over the table. It was on a date.
KIMMEL: So, it’s romantic?
WEST: Some people are serving life. They want to come in with the modified titties and ass, kind of built like Donald, right, and lights cut off, they come cuddle.
KIMMEL: Cuddle is a code?
PAPERNY: I never used that. That's a code I never used.
KIMMEL: You never got a chance to cuddle?
PAPERNY: I didn't cuddle, no, there was no cuddling.
KIMMEL: Guys, come on, he never got to cuddle, let's give him a cuddle. What does cuddle mean? I mean, honestly, like, what are we talking about cuddle-wise?
WEST: Well, I was in there with a bunch of lifers, right, out there in Kansas, so you’ll see, like, people be up, wandering around and then –
KIMMEL: You're able to get out of your cell at night?
PAPERNY: In a federal prison, if the sentence is less than ten years, you go to one of these, what people call country clubs or club feds.
KIMMEL: Is it similar to Mar-a-Lago?
WEST: Yeah, I don't know what's going to happen, but, you know, somebody's going to claim him.
KIMMEL: Do you think he will find love in prison?
WEST: I think a big black man would go ahead and take him under his wing.
KIMMEL: That's right. You're saying racists can get along in certain situations, be they sexual?
WEST: I think if there's any opportunity, it's for an orange guy like Donnie, for sure.
KIMMEL: That’s nice.
