CBS’s Stephen Colbert is ready for the 2024 GOP Primary and to use his show to help President Biden win re-election. On Tuesday’s edition of The Late Show, he did not appreciate former South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley’s announcement video where she claimed in a video that the American founding is not racist. During the same monologue, he resurrected the false charge that Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis wants to ban the word “gay” in public schools.
Introducing a clip of Haley’s announcement, Colbert declared, “She went on to toss out some classic culture war red meat.”
The brief snippet showed Haley proclaiming, “Some look at our past as evidence that America's founding principles are bad. Some think our ideas are not just wrong, but racist.”
If that is to be considered “culture war red meat” that says more about Colbert and liberals than it does Haley and Republicans. Still, Colbert responded by mocking the idea, “Yeah, she knows America's not racist! She learned that as a little girl, in her hometown, that was split by a railroad track right down the middle, to keep the white people on one side and the black people on the other. You know! Not racist.”
That doesn’t actually address what Haley said. In the clip, that Colbert showed, Haley very clearly was talking about how certain aspects of “our past” do not discredit “America’s founding principles” not that America, or especially South Carolina, have a sinless past.
Later in his monologue, Colbert shifted to another potential Republican candidate, “Nikki Haley's not the only candidate that former President Bully is worried about. He is also planning for Florida Governor Ron DeSantis seen here, zipping his chest hair into his fleece.”
Colbert won’t even mention Donald Trump’s name or allow the graphics department to fully spell it out, but he’s good for business, “The governor in Florida has really high poll numbers, which spooks the former president, who apparently now privately refers to DeSantis as ‘Meatball Ron.’ Ooh! I do not like how much I love that! It's so dumb and accurate.”
Launching into a satirical rendition of “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel, “Meatball Ron! He's a walking, talking beef baton and he tells you that you can't say ‘gay’ and that COVID will just go away. That’s not okay. Meatball Ron.”
More laughs will be had when Colbert realizes straw men arguments do not cease to be straw men just because they are told in the form of a joke.
This segment was sponsored by Ashley Homestore.
Here is a transcript for the February 14 show:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
2/14/2023
11:41 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: She went on to toss out some classic culture war red meat.
NIKKI HALEY: Some look at our past as evidence that America's founding principles are bad. Some think our ideas are not just wrong, but racist.
COLBERT: Yeah, she knows America's not racist! She learned that as a little girl, in her hometown, that was split by a railroad track right down the middle, to keep the white people on one side and the black people on the other. You know! Not racist.
…
COLBERT: Nikki Haley's not the only candidate that former President Bully is worried about. He is also planning for Florida Governor Ron DeSantis seen here, zipping his chest hair into his fleece. Sure. Sure. Gah!
The governor in Florida has really high poll numbers, which spooks the former president, who apparently now privately refers to DeSantis as "Meatball Ron." Ooh! I do not like how much I love that! It's so dumb and accurate.
You know what else is really great and bad about it? How easy it is to sing it to the tune of "Uptown Girl." Let's go!
Meatball Ron! He's a walking, talking beef baton and he tells you that you can't say "gay" and that COVID will just go away. That’s not okay. Meatball Ron.
