'Gender-Neutral' Barbie Dolls Not Woke Enough For The Left

November 12th, 2019 2:37 PM

After Barbie maker Mattel introduced its “gender-neutral Barbie” abominations in September, some lefties have voiced their disapproval, saying the new toy line is too “playful” and not woke enough.

Truly, a time is coming when Play-Dough will be the only acceptable toy on the market.

Alex Myers, the trans writer of the Slate op-ed, who should probably make the career switch from journalist to woke toy company quality control specialist, didn’t really approve of Mattel’s latest foray into woke capitalism. Myers, “deeply skeptical” of the business decision, slammed the toy, saying, “On a basic level, the doll falls far short of actually embodying or even representing a nonbinary identity.” Ouch Mattel, not a hot review from your target demographic.

But then again, how does one represent mental illness in a plastic doll?

First, Myers pointed out that calling the new dolls “Gender-Neutral” is not at all relevant to the LGBTQ community. He wrote, “‘Gender-neutral,' the term Mattel uses in its marketing of the doll, is not, in fact, a term that many — any? — people use to describe themselves.” Come on, Mattel, if you’re going to pander, do it right. Myers added that trans people really use “'gender-fluid,' or genderqueer, or nonbinary, or nonconforming.’"

If you can’t even get the moniker right, how bad are the dolls’ appearance going to be?

Well pretty bad. There was some major heresy regarding the dolls’ physical appearance -- namely the fact that the dolls featured no discernible genitalia or gender-specific anatomy. But isn’t that the whole point? Isn’t that how “nonbinary” folks would have it? Wrong. Myers slammed the dolls for ignoring sexual anatomy altogether. Oh gosh. Well when you tango with the wokies, there’s no winning.

Myers wrote, “The bodily blankness erases so much of what the discussions — personal and political — about gender focus on.” Sure, the argument is that these dolls depict a sterile version of the very real and distinct bodies that trans people still have. Even though they refuse to adhere to sexual norms, a trans woman still has a very real penis, and some trans men have scars where their breasts used to be. WHERE IS THE REALISM, MATTEL?

(Neither Barbie or Ken, those archaic gender binary-conforming fascist playthings, have little plastic bits either. Back in the day, kids understood what was supposed to be down there. Poor Mattel just isn’t confused enough to do woke right.)

Myers added, “These dolls do not have bodies that are like ours; these dolls do not have bodies that society reads in a gendered way at all. That sort of misses the entire point." C’mon guys, you know the female-looking doll with the purple hair should've come packaged with a removable penis.

Right, it also should have been holding a law school diploma, wearing an astronaut helmet, and sporting a gold medal for victory on the women’s swim team. What? He was taking women’s hormones, alright?