It was bad enough when The Washington Post put four heads of Jon Stewart on Mount Rushmore just before Stewart's pompous "Rally for Sanity" on the Washington mall. But when Post TV critic Tom Shales recounted Thursday night's farewell episode of CNN's Larry King Live, he named four network news anchors as the "living Mount Rushmore of News," as if Katie Couric is Lincolnesque and Brian Williams is so much like Thomas Jefferson:
Auspiciously enough, four of broadcast television's best-known news anchors gathered in the New York studio to wish King well: ABC's Diane Sawyer, CBS's Katie Couric, NBC's Brian Williams and the godmother of them all, pioneering anchor Barbara Walters of ABC (by way of NBC). The show's director, however, strangely chose to delay a wide shot of this living Mount Rushmore of news - thus muting the luster of having all four in the same place at the same time.
The only other embarrassing passage in this review occurred on the show:
The guests did represent the wide spectrum of interviewees that the gravelly voiced King has faced across the table, or via split-screen hook-up, over a quarter-century (or, as he put it, "a third of my life") on television - among them former president Bill Clinton, fit and felicitous as piped in from Arkansas. The encounter was hampered by annoying pauses and delays caused by a slothful satellite - and by a fleeting bit of embarrassment involving the term "zipper club."
King said that he and Clinton were both members of that fanciful aggregation, an unfortunate reference considering that, earlier, Seacrest had clumsily asked King whether the fly on his trousers had a zipper or buttons. A bit belatedly, King explained that the "zipper club" is for men who've had open-heart surgery. "I'm glad you clarified that," Clinton said, with a forgiving smile.
Here's the actual transcript, and it's obvious King doesn't realize the Starr Report double entendre:
KING: I have spent many, many moments with him, all of them delightful, all of them informative, never dull. Bill Clinton is the 42nd president of the United States. He's just back from Haiti. He's been a guest on this show 28 times. Provided us some memorable moments. I'm honored to have you back again tonight from Little Rock. Thank you so much, Mr. President, for joining us.
BILL CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Thank you, Larry.
KING: You look well fit. Are you feeling well?
CLINTON: I feel great. I've been traveling quite a bit. But as you pointed out, I just got back from Haiti and from the day before in the Dominican Republic. But I'm encouraged by some of what I saw there and I'm kind of like you. I have to keep working. I don't know if it keeps me young, but at least it keeps me out of the grave. So I feel good about it. I'm really glad to see you here and still up and going.
KING: We're both in the zipper club. By the way, you looked very good last week in the briefing room at the White House, doing that little 30-minute session. Did that make you yearn to return?
CLINTON: No. It was actually quite impromptu. I was -- I was in the Oval Office talking to the president about a number of things at his invitation. And he asked me what I thought about this tax compromise. And essentially I said the same thing as Bob Greenstein, the tax expert. I said I think it's the best deal you can get at this time.
I said, would you like me to call some Democrats in the House? He said, no, I want you to go to the briefing room and tell the press. I said, well, I'm out of practice. He said, you'll be fine. It's like riding a bicycle. So he dragged me in there and the rest is history. It was sort of fun. But I think once every ten years is quite enough.
KING: Do you think it's going to pass?
CLINTON: I do. I do. And, you know, I'm like him. I don't like part of it. I think the tax cuts to people in my income group are the single most economically ineffective thing that can be done, because we don't spend the money we make now. And it's just ideological stuff. But they won the election, and the American people, for reasons I do not understand, ratified it.
However, the bill does have a payroll tax deduction, which is the most efficient job creating tax cut, and an extension of unemployment benefits, which is the second most effective thing in terms of keeping the economy going. So I think it's the best deal he could have made under the circumstances.
KING: We have a few moments left. Bill Maher --
CLINTON: -- business stuff is good. All the --
KING: Bill Maher and Ryan Seacrest --
CLINTON: I'm sorry. We have a delay.
KING: I know. Bill Maher and Ryan Seacrest are here. They may -- each of them might have a quick question. Do you, Bill?
MAHER: My question is, how come when we go all the way to Shanghai, the electronics work, but in Arkansas, there's a delay. It is like -- I have never seen such a delay. What's going on?
KING: Why is there a long delay? Do you know, Mr. President?
CLINTON: I think, you know, we talk slower down here.
SEACREST: It's the southern drawl.
MAHER: I would just say that I don't agree with either one of these guys about that tax cut. And I don't want to get into that, because, you know, I don't like to be political. Not a political night. But I will say this: in an era where a lot of world leaders look very insecure, to leave the podium to Bill Clinton, that's very secure. Our president, I'm not thrilled with him right now, but he's a real man who's secure and knows who he is if you leave the podium to Bill Clinton. He didn't have to be dragged there.
KING: By the way, the suits want me to remind you what the zipper club is. It's if you've had open heart surgery. They have to zipper it up. So I thought everyone in the world knew it, but apparently --
SEACREST: Bill and I looked confused.
KING: I'm sure you did. Ryan, do you have a question for the president?
CLINTON: I'm glad you clarified that.
KING: I see what you mean. Oh! Oh, oh. Huh oh.
