With the vice presidential debate a week away, it was Tim Walz’s turn to get Comedy Central’s The Daily Show to produce a humorous look at his life story. However, instead of looking for jokes in Walz’s life or policies, The Daily Show chose to create a satirical ad mocking Republicans for not falling in love with him and his "sinister niceness."
The narrator began by mocking the idea that Walz could be a radical, “He developed a taste for blood from his father and grandfather, who owned a meat locker. And was indoctrinated into communism while working on a farm, where he evenly distributed fertilizer, regardless of which crops worked the hardest.”
Any discussion of Walz’s military controversies surrounding his rank, deployment history, the timeline around his decision to retire was ignored. Instead, the narrator claimed, “Soon, Walz was recruited to join the National Guard, where he admitted to swindling our brave troops.”
In a clip, Walz recalled, “I willingly say I got far more out of the military than they got out of me.”
The ad also tried to condemn any talk that Walz may be out of touch, “That government welfare paid for him to attend an elite Ivy League-style school in the globalist nexus of Chadron, Nebraska.”
As for Walz’s history with China, those concerns were also ridiculed, “Not surprisingly, Walz used his education degree to get a job teaching America's future enemies in Communist China. In China, Walz worked at a Chinese school, teaching armies of Chinese students, who were from China. After completing his Chinese brainwashing, Walz returned to the Midwest, where he indoctrinated decent American children with his social studies, forcing them to read textbooks, and look at maps. Now safely undercover in Minnesota, Walz married fellow teacher Gwen Whipple, and where do you think they honeymooned? That's right. China.”
Continuing to try to play up Walz as just a normal guy, the narrator continued, “Walz's sinister niceness could not be contained by a classroom. It started bleeding into after-school activities, when he took a position coaching football. The same sport CIA operative Travis Kelce plays as part of his Taylor Swift psyop. But it's no surprise, Walz ended up a football coach. It was in his blood to crave the touch of dead pig flesh. From there, it was a small step to his most evil act of kindness yet. Grooming children to be nice to each other.”
After a clip of Walz recalling being asked to start a Gay-Straight Alliance group, the narrator proceeded, “But being nice to children wasn't enough for this sicko. He wanted to be nice to a whole congressional district... After winning a seat, Walz charged in on day one, just dripping with entitlement.”
Following yet another clip of Walz, this one of him marveling that his House office had a bathroom, the narrator continued, “Pooping on the taxpayer's dollar. You know where else they have government restrooms? China. Before long, this ambitious zealot set his sights on an even fancier place to poop: the governor's office.”
As for his time as governor, the 2020 riots were mentioned as something that happened, not something that Walz sat back and watched for three days, “Walz seized power and within days, the state was overwhelmed by riots in the streets and a deadly virus from guess where? To no one's surprise, Governor Walz unleashed a theory of radically nice policies. And the nicest of all, free breakfast and lunch for school kids.”
The satirical ad concluded by again trying to paint Walz as a normal guy who likes to hunt, fish, eat corn dogs, and repair his gutters. But no amount of corn dog socks can change the fact that he is an abortion radical, who has unseemly associations, and has a history of making things up in order to pad his resume and life story.
Here is a transcript for the September 24 show:
Comedy Central The Daily Show
9/24/2024
11:15 PM ET
NARRATOR: He developed a taste for blood from his father and grandfather, who owned a meat locker. And was indoctrinated into communism while working on a farm, where he evenly distributed fertilizer, regardless of which crops worked the hardest. Soon, Walz was recruited to join the National Guard, where he admitted to swindling our brave troops.
TIM WALZ: I willingly say I got far more out of the military than they got out of me.
NARRATOR: Disgusting. That government welfare paid for him to attend an elite Ivy League-style school in the globalist nexus of Chadron, Nebraska. Not surprisingly, Walz used his education degree to get a job teaching America's future enemies in Communist China. In China, Walz worked at a Chinese school, teaching armies of Chinese students, who were from China. After completing his Chinese brainwashing, Walz returned to the Midwest, where he indoctrinated decent American children with his social studies, forcing them to read textbooks, and look at maps. Now safely undercover in Minnesota, Walz married fellow teacher Gwen Whipple, and where do you think they honeymooned? That's right. China. To this day, he still doesn't try to hide his allegiance.
WALZ: [Speaks Chinese] Happy Chinese New Year of the pig
ON SCREEN SUBTITLES: I love communism [jump cut] I’m a spy.
NARRATOR: Walz's sinister niceness could not be contained by a classroom. It started bleeding into after-school activities, when he took a position coaching football. The same sport CIA operative Travis Kelce plays as part of his Taylor Swift psyop. But it's no surprise, Walz ended up a football coach. It was in his blood to crave the touch of dead pig flesh. From there, it was a small step to his most evil act of kindness yet. Grooming children to be nice to each other.
WALZ: They asked if I would be interested in helping start a Gay-Straight Alliance group. If you have an older, white, straight, married male football coach, who is deeply concerned that these students are treated fairly and that there is no bullying.
NARRATOR: But being nice to children wasn't enough for this sicko. He wanted to be nice to a whole congressional district
WALZ: I will speak for you! Thank you!
NARRATOR: After winning a seat, Walz charged in on day one, just dripping with entitlement.
WALZ: Holy cow. Look at the door. My own restroom.
NARRATOR: Pooping on the taxpayer's dollar. You know where else they have government restrooms? China. Before long, this ambitious zealot set his sights on an even fancier place to poop: the governor's office. His opponents tried desperately to warn people.
SCOTT JENSEN: I think Tim Walz is an affable individual who has a wonderful smile.
NARRATOR: But it was too late. Walz seized power and within days, the state was overwhelmed by riots in the streets and a deadly virus from guess where? To no one's surprise, Governor Walz unleashed a theory of radically nice policies. And the nicest of all, free breakfast and lunch for school kids.
