In his attempt to convince people that the Biden economy is actually doing quite well, CBS’s Stephen Colbert donned sunglasses and a fake goatee on Thursday’s installment of The Late Show as he played the bongos and sang an awkward song about how people struggling with inflation just don’t get it.
Before the musical performance, Colbert reported “Oh, there's more good news for Biden. The economy is cooking right along. The Dow's north of 38,000 today, wages are up, unemployment's below four percent for 23 months in a row, and today the Commerce Department announced the economy grew at 3.3 percent rate in the last quarter.”
“Now, what does that mean? Well, it's a little technical, but according to macroeconomic theory, number go up equal good,” Colbert continued.
Colbert then played a montage of media personalities describing the state of the economy as “Goldilocks,” which was followed by a Biden impression where he claimed to know Goldilocks. Once the impression was over, Colbert lamented “But even though it looks like there's no recession and the economy looks good on paper, people feel like it's not bouncing back. And this bad feeling the media has dubbed the ‘vibecession’ and I get it, but thankfully, I have a foolproof way to bring the nation out of a vibecession.”
Colbert then put on his costume and proceed to sing his cringe-inducing tune:
What's cookin', my fiscal cats? You out there countin' your ducats? Let me brighten your economic outlook with my bongo sonic output. Hit it! Dig, you're drowning in dough but you don't feel it 'cause it's not yet... Bread.
I'm talking' that sweet pumpernickel baby, 'cause I heard from a little bird that in 2023 the U.S. Economy accelerated at a 2.5 percent annualized pace and whole prices for personalized consumption expenditures rose just two percent in the fourth quarter no wonder Janet's... Yellin so no need to go slow, Joe, the vibecession will be jazz-suscitated, and if the economy starts this cookin' in November, we'll make Trump a way gone daddy!
Somehow, that probably won’t help people feel better about the cost of bread.
Here is a transcript for the January 25 show:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
1/24/2024
11:45 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: Oh, there's more good news for Biden. The economy is cooking right along. The Dow's north of 38,000 today, wages are up, unemployment's below four percent for 23 months in a row, and today the Commerce Department announced the economy grew at 3.3 percent rate in the last quarter.
Now, what does that mean? Well, it's a little technical, but according to macroeconomic theory, number go up equal good. Now, is that right? Can you check my math? Can you check me on that? You got that? Okay. For all last year, bunch of people predicting a recession, but instead, every economic indicator of Bidenomics is positive. Or as the news people call it it...
RAHEL SOLOMON: It's an economy that's cooling on the inflation front but still showing growth on the spending front…The Goldilocks.
ALESSIO DE LONGIS: Perfect Goldilocks scenario.
BOB PISANI: We're getting some of that Goldilocks.
STEVE LIESMAN: It is Goldilocks.
SARA EISEN: This is Goldilocks.
COLBERT [JOE BIDEN IMPRESSION]: "That's right, Jack! Things are goin' Goldilocks! Now, look up, lookie, I’m serious, I knew Goldilocks, nice gal. Real particular about her porridge, not me though, hot, cold, don't bother me! I'll toss that bowl down tout suite! Soft foods, doctor's orders. The old mouth-chicklets aren't strong as they used to be."
[NORMAL VOICE] Lost the words there are a little bit. Can't win them every time. But even though it looks like there's no recession and the economy looks good on paper, people feel like it's not bouncing back. And this bad feeling the media has dubbed the “vibecession” and I get it, but thankfully, I have a foolproof way to bring the nation out of a vibecession. This is...
NARRATOR: Stephen Colbert's vibecession!
COLBERT: What's cookin', my fiscal cats? You out there countin' your ducats? Let me brighten your economic outlook with my bongo sonic output. Hit it! Dig, you're drowning in dough but you don't feel it 'cause it's not yet... Bread.
I'm talking' that sweet pumpernickel baby, 'cause I heard from a little bird that in 2023 the U.S. Economy accelerated at a 2.5 percent annualized pace and whole prices for personalized consumption expenditures rose just two percent in the fourth quarter no wonder Janet's... Yellin so no need to go slow, Joe, the vibecession will be jazz-suscitated, and if the economy starts this cookin' in November, we'll make Trump a way gone daddy!
