Not surprisingly, left-wing comedian Samantha Bee elected to open Wednesday’s Full Frontal by talking about her favorite topic: the impeachment inquiry. Bee apologized that her voice “sounds a little hoarse” because “it’s just because I’ve come down with a case of impeachment fever, baby!” Like others in the liberal media, Bee presented E.U. Ambassador Gordon Sondland’s testimony as earth-shattering.
Bee argued “it is a beautiful day” because “Ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland just implicated basically everyone who’s ever set foot in the Trump White House.” She then played a clip of Sondland’s testimony where he implied a quid pro quo and then she proclaimed: “I think we can all take our impeachment balls and go home now because that is the whole ballgame.”
Apparently agreeing with ABC’s David Muir that Sondland was “the most pivotal witness yet,” Bee favorably contrasted the EU Ambassador with the “cautious, sober” witnesses who had testified in previous impeachment hearings. Bee concluded “that was never going to work” because “in order to catch a selfish, idiotic hotel business guy, you have to send a selfish, idiotic, hotel business guy.”
Just last week, Bee gushed over the “persuasive” witnesses that testified on the first day of the impeachment inquiry and hyped a “bomb” supposedly dropped by acting U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine Bill Taylor. While Bee complained this week that the earlier witnesses “didn’t exactly give good sound bites,” she seemed to feel differently just seven days earlier.
The TBS host also took glee in the fact that Sondland’s “damning” testimony appeared to catch House Intelligence Committee Ranking Republican Devin Nunes (CA) off guard; causing the Committee’s Chairman, Adam Schiff, to announce a five to 10-minute break.
According to Bee, Schiff basically said: “We’re going to take a five to 10-minute break so we don't have to watch a grown man cry.” For dramatic effect, Bee played a clip of Nunes’s reaction to Sondland’s testimony while the “quintessential song of self-pity,” R.E.M’s “Everybody Hurts” played in the background.
While Bee mocked Sondland as a “piece of shit” and a “delightful dirtbag idiot,” she concluded by describing him as a “firsthand witness to this conspiracy and he confirmed that the President, the Vice President, the Chief of Staff, and the Secretary of State all knew about it.”
Appearing to reverse her earlier mockery of Sondland, Bee claimed: “I, for one, am grateful for this patriotic American.” However, she quickly reverted back to her mockery, announcing “I can't wait for his future reality show, ‘Who Wants to Be Screwed by a Millionaire?’ Just kidding. F*** this guy.”
Unfortunately for Bee, many Americans do not appear to share her enthusiasm for the impeachment inquiry.
>>Help us fight back against the media’s impeachment crusade.<<
A transcript of the relevant portion of Wednesday’s edition of Full Frontal is below. Click “expand” to read more.
TBS's Full Frontal With Samantha Bee
11/20/19
10:30 PM
SAMANTHA BEE: Welcome to Full Frontal. I’m Samantha Bee. I know my voice sounds a little hoarse. It’s just because I’ve come down with a case of impeachment fever, baby! And also, regular fever. It is a beautiful day. Ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland just implicated basically everyone who’s ever set foot in the Trump White House.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GORDON SONDLAND: Was there a quid pro quo? As I testified previously with regard to the requested White House call and the White House meeting, the answer is yes. Mr. Giuliani conveyed to Secretary Perry, Ambassador Volker and others that President Trump wanted a public statement from President Zelensky committing to investigations of Burisma and the 2016 election. We all understood that these prerequisites for the White House call and the right…White House meeting reflected President Trump’s desires and requirements.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEE: All right, I think we can all take our impeachment balls and go home now because that is the whole ballgame. Up until now, the witnesses who publicly testified in the impeachment hearings have been a cautious, sober bunch. Taken together, they laid out a damning case but they didn’t exactly give good sound bites.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)
WILLIAM TAYLOR: I am not here to take one side or the other.
MARIE YOVANOVITCH: I do not understand Mr. Giuliani’s motives for attacking me nor can I offer an opinion on whether he believed the allegations he spread about me.
JENNIFER WILLIAMS: I don’t believe I’m in a position to characterize it further than the President did in terms of asking for a favor.
(END VIDEO CLIPS)
BEE: You know what these hearings could use? A guy who paid $1 million for his ambassadorship. Luckily, here comes this smug, Wallace Shawn-looking mother****er to blow the doors off this thing! Not only did Sondland leave Trump’s defense in tatters, he also implicated Mick Mulvaney, Mike Pompeo, and Mike Pence. And he did it as happily as if he were enjoying his own “Eyes Wide Shut” birthday party. Guys! I think the Democrats have been going about this all wrong. They’ve been relying on respectable, objective witnesses. But of course, that was never going to work. In order to catch a selfish, idiotic hotel business guy, you have to send a selfish, idiotic, hotel business guy.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
BEE: Sondland’s testimony was way more damning than anyone knew it would be. Ranking Republican member Devin Nunes was caught so off guard, he couldn’t even begin his questioning on time.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DANIEL GOLDMAN: Mr. Chairman, I yield back.
REP. ADAM SCHIFF: That concludes our 45 minutes. I now recognize Mr. Nunes.
REP. DEVIN NUNES: Oh…
SCHIFF: Okay, why don’t we take a five or 10-minute break?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEE: We’re going to take a five to 10-minute break so we don’t have to watch a grown man cry. Ooh. That is hard to watch. Let’s see it again. With the quintessential song of self-pity.
(BEGIN AUDIO CLIP)
MICHAEL STIPE, R.E.M: ♪ Everybody hurts. ♪
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(LAUGHTER)
BEE: If you’re not Devin Nunes, it was honestly really fun to watch Gordon Sondland. It’s relaxing to see someone who knows they’re a piece of shit and they’re just like “yup.”
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOLDMAN: Well, he also testified that you confirmed to President Trump that you were in Ukraine at the time and that President Zelensky “loves your ass.” Do you recall saying that?
SONDLAND: Yeah, it sounds like something I would say.
(LAUGHTER)
SONDLAND: That’s how President Trump and I communicate. A lot of four-letter words.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEE: Cool. Anyway, back to the crimes. Sondland was also weirdly proud of the fact that he never takes notes.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)
GOLDMAN: You are not a note-taker, right?
SONDLAND: I’m not a note-taker. Never have been.
REP. VAL DEMINGS: There are several other conversations that you cannot recall because you don’t have your notes or your documents or your emails or other information but you remember that call specifically; exactly what the President said to you in response to your question about what do you want. Why is that?
SONDLAND: I remember the first girl I kissed, I mean…
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEE: It was three days ago and I paid her $2,000. Who wants to party?
(LAUGHTER)
BEE: Gordon Sondland was at the hearings for a good time but not a long time. When they lasted longer than a three-martini lunch, he started to get cranky.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SCHIFF: Let’s take a 30-minute recess to allow Mr. Sondland, Ambassador Sondland to get a bite to eat, I think the members of the Committee might like to get a bite to eat, and then we will resume with the member rounds of questioning of five minutes.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEE: Oh, my God, you made plans for after this?
(LAUGHTER)
BEE: You are the star witness in an impeachment hearing. Unless you have afternoon plans to testify at a different impeachment hearing, you should clear your schedule. Unlike Nunes, Trump was not at a loss for words after watching Sondland’s morning testimony and unlike Sondland, he did take notes. Big notes, sad notes.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT TRUMP: So, he’s going “what do you want? What do you want? I hear all these theories, what do you want?” Right? And now, here’s my response that he gave. Just gave. Ready? You have the cameras rolling? I say to the Ambassador in response, “I want nothing, I want nothing. I want no quid pro quo. Tell Zelensky, President Zelensky to do the right thing.”
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEE: Wow, this one-man show you’re auditioning for sounds bad. “I want nothing. I want nothing. Stella, Stella, Stella.” It’s a good thing that Gordon Sondland turned out to be a born reality star because Democrats are not particularly good at crafting compelling sound bites. I mean, except for Representative Peter Welch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. PETER WELCH: And you know, I’ll say this to President Trump. You want to investigate Joe Biden, you want to investigate Hunter Biden, go at it. Do it. Do it hard, do it dirty. Do it the way you do do it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEE: And then Welch shuffled his papers and said: “oh, I’m sorry, that was for Devin Nunes’s mom.” Ay-oh! Gordon Sondland is such a delightful dirtbag idiot that it’s easy to lose sight of what he actually did today. He is a firsthand witness to this conspiracy and he confirmed that the President, the Vice President, the Chief of Staff, and the Secretary of State all knew about it and I, for one, am grateful for this patriotic American and I can’t wait for his future reality show, “Who Wants to Get Screwed by a Millionaire?”
(LAUGHTER)
BEE: Just kidding. F**k this guy. We’ll be right back.
