Real Time host Bill Maher concluded his satirical segment “New Rules” on Friday by advising his audience to “just celebrate Thanksgiving, don’t try to win it.” At first glance, his closing monologue might have seemed like words of wisdom for those who “see politics so differently from people who share your very blood.” But it quickly turned into a rant against “hate”-filled “rubes” and “Bible thumpers,” in other words, conservatives.
After unveiling his tip, Maher proceeded to advise his viewers to “never forget the single shining truth about democracy: it means sharing a country with assholes you can’t stand.” Maher made it perfectly clear that he was talking about conservatives.
According to Maher, “we have to accept something about people: half of them have their taste in their ass.” He continued to mock and stereotype conservatives: “they eat sweet potatoes with marshmallows, they wear matching family outfits, and put nuts on their truck.”
Nothing seemed to upset Maher more about conservatives than their support for President Trump. As a picture of the President supposedly mocking a disabled reporter appeared in the background, Maher expressed his bewilderment that “46 percent of the country wanted that guy picking the Supreme Court.” Eventually, Maher informed the audience that despite their intense dislike for those on the other side of the aisle, “we’re stuck with them and they’re stuck with us.”
It's beyond strange for Bill Maher to disdain knocking your opponents with harsh words, as he demonstrated.
Trump rallies are filled with words like “enemies of the people,” “human scum.” They talk of people to be locked up. Well, you can’t lock all us up. Liberals are described as weak, lame, coddling, oversensitive, and limp-dicked.
Which are strong words for a bunch of mouth-breathers, shit-kickers, knuckle-draggers, Bible -thumpers, sister-fuckers and rubes.
The cheers and applause that followed made Maher’s point. That kind of insult is rewarded. And it’s made Maher very rich for doing it over and over and over again.
Maher promised he would “try to stop” calling them those names because he has “learned that the anti-intellectualism on the right doesn’t come primarily from stupidity; it comes from hate.” At this point, Maher compared Trump supporters to traitors; suggesting that “telling people you think they’re irredeemable is what makes them say, ‘You know what? I’d rather side with Russia than you.’”
The HBO host did have some nuggets of good advice in his monologue but it was overshadowed by his harsh words for Republicans and Trump. Reacting to Ellen DeGeneres sitting next to former President George W. Bush at a football game, Maher used the occasion as an excuse to trash Trump: “Bush was not my idea of a good president but I never worried that he was going to lock up his political opponents or reporters or me. Bush was wrong but he wasn’t trying to enrich George Bush, he condemned Islamophobia after 9/11, and he did a lot for AIDS in African countries without calling them sh**holes.”
When he finally finished airing his grievances against conservatives, Maher closed by attempting to call for unity. As a picture of animals of different species hanging out together appeared in the background, Maher asked “For a country that loves to look at pictures of entirely different species getting along, can’t we try it in politics?”
America might have an easier time accepting Maher’s call for civility if he did not spend his entire closing monologue trashing people he disagrees with.
A transcript of the relevant portion of Friday’s edition of Real Time is below. Click “expand” to read more.
Real Time With Bill Maher
11/15/19
10:48 PM
BILL MAHER: And finally, new rule. This year, just celebrate Thanksgiving, don’t try to “win” it. And never forget the single shining truth about democracy: It means sharing a country with assholes you can’t stand.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: In that way, it’s a lot like Thanksgiving. You don’t get to choose the guests, because those freaks are your family.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: Think about that the next time you think you can “own” someone politically. Think about how you can see politics so differently from people who share your very blood. We have to accept something about people: half of them have their taste in their ass.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: They eat sweet potatoes with marshmallows.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: They wear matching family outfits and put nuts on their truck.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: They laugh at Jeff Dunham.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: We laugh at Lena Dunham.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: 46 percent of the country looked at this and said, “I want that guy picking the Supreme Court.”
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: We will never understand a brain that thinks like that. And they will never understand worrying about gluten all the time…
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: …or a Puerto Rican Alexander Hamilton. That’s how you get two completely different headlines about the same thing: “Jim Jordan Destroys Dems’ ‘Star Witness,’” “Room erupts in laughter as Democrat Peter Welch destroys Jim Jordan.” We’re so divided, it’s no longer enough to just make a point. You have to destroy. You have to own people. Except the person who gets “owned” doesn’t change their mind, they just make a mental note never to interact again with “DM_Me_Your_Titties.”
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: We have to drop this fantasy that we can destroy the other side or crush or shred or pulverize them. Those aren’t real things. They’re the middle four settings on the blender that no one has ever used.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: America is a big country filled with millions of people who don’t think the way you do and never will; and you can’t own, vanquish, or disappear them. We’re stuck with them and they’re stuck with us. They’re here, they’re annoying, get used to it.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: Because…because the pendulum always swings back. Even when we had a civil war and physically owned the south; literally burnt their cities to the ground and occupied their territory, reconstruction only lasted for 12 years before the mint julep crowd took over again, and Jim Crow, the KKK, and sharecropping became “Slavery 2.0.” We tried to own the Germans after World War I, and that just got us World War II. Now lately, we’ve been hearing more and more about a second civil war; which sounds impossible in this modern, affluent country. It is not. We all talk about Trump as an “existential threat” but his side sees Democratic control of government the exact same way. And when both sides believe the other guy taking over means the end of the world, yes, you can have a civil war. Trump rallies are filled with words like “enemies of the people,” “human scum.” They talk of people to be locked up. Well, you can’t lock all us up. Liberals are described as weak, lame, coddling, oversensitive, and limp-dicked.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: Which are strong words for a bunch of mouth-breathers, shit kickers, knuckle draggers…
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: …bible thumpers, sister-fuckers and rubes.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: Yes, I have been guilty of saying things like that but I’m gonna try to stop. Because I’ve learned that the anti-intellectualism on the right doesn’t come primarily from stupidity; it comes from hate. Telling people you think they’re irredeemable is what makes them say, “You know what? I’d rather side with Russia than you.” Even if the Democrats win everything in 2020, the Republicans will still be here. They’re not going to self-deport.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: They’re in Congress, in your office, sometimes your home. Home is where you learn that the three magic words in any relationship aren’t “I love you.” They’re “let it go.” Let it go.
(APPLAUSE)
MAHER: You can’t…you can’t “own” your spouse. You sometimes just have to make peace with the fact that you’re married to someone who believes in ghosts…
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: …or won’t throw out their baseball cards or thinks essential oils are essential.
(LAUGHTER)
MAHER: Or yes, likes Donald Trump. We are going to have to learn to live with each other, or there will be blood. So, don’t freak out if Ellen sits next to George Bush at a football game. Bush was not my idea of a good president, but I never worried that he was going to lock up his political opponents. Or reporters. Or me.
DONNA BRAZILE: Yeah.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
MAHER: Bush was wrong, but he wasn’t trying to enrich George Bush. He condemned islamophobia after 9/11 and he did a lot for AIDS in African countries, without calling them shitholes. He risked Dick Cheney’s friendship because he wouldn’t pard…pardon Scooter Libby because it wasn’t always just about loyalty. He stood with Obama when Obama took his job and he said “we want you to succeed.” If you can’t see the difference between that and Trump, Democrats are doomed.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
BRAZILE: Amen.
MAHER: Michelle Obama gets it. She hugs him. Ruth Bader Ginsburg likes Brett Kavanaugh. For a country that loves to look at pictures of entirely different species getting along, can’t we try it in politics?
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
