Friday Funnies: Dennis Miller Attacks Iraq War Defeatism

December 9th, 2006 1:07 PM

Fox News correspondent and comedian Dennis Miller was at it again Friday night. In his “Real Free Speech” segment, Miller took on Iraq War defeatism, and wisely explained why winning over there is important for America’s future (video available here courtesy of our friend at Ms Underestimated). As always, this works best if you read along while watching or you will miss the marvelous sight gags:

Hey there, folks. Tonight I'm going to talk about defeatism about the war here on the home front. Ah, but what good would it do me to talk about defeatism? It's not like it's going to change anything. You see how whiney that tone sounds? You think our enemy loves hearing that? Of course they do.

Now the recurrent through line of the naysayers in this country is that this is our Vietnam. Well, if it truly is, just Google Dr. Hang Noor to remind yourself what happened after we split there.

Each week we place a different burr under our saddle to work ourselves into a negative lather. Last week, it was which media outlet would be the first to catch the civil war bouquet. Ernie Powell must be spinning in his grave like Earl Monroe in the lane.

This week, we'll use the leaked Rumsfeld memo, citing the need for a major adjustment in the Iraq. By the way, federal government employees leak more often than a frat pledge with a caper-sized bladder.

You know, I always thought the reason we went into Iraq was to look scary again. There's a reason people didn't want to go across the middle on Ronnie Lott, and a lot of had to do with rep. Ostensibly, we're in Iraq to reinvigorate our brand.

But here at home we're proving ourselves soft, and the enemy knows it.

What's wrong in Iraq, quite frankly, is that we're not brutal enough to the insurgents. Now, if a majority of Americans decide that they're willing to continue down that path, because as Billy Crystal's Fernando character reminded us...

BILLY CRYSTAL, COMEDIAN: It is better to look good than to feel good.

MILLER: If that's the approach we're going to use against an enemy that's quintessentially evil, well, so be it. Majority rule. I'll go along for the ride because you are my peeps, and I'm here all the way to the results show.

But you know, as well as I do, that if we don't fight back, it will be the end of us.

And I think it's hard to get your head around the fact that your country might have to destroy some folks. I know I found it unsettling when it first crept into my frontal lobes. And I was even late to the table. I know people who thought it was go-time after the attack on the Cole. Not me. I signed on after 9/11, which around half of you out there did.

If we choose defeatism, I assume that more of you will RSVP after the inevitable next incident. You know where to find the rest of us.

Until then, all I ask of my country is that we don't beat ourselves and that we remain a place where Gwyneth Paltrow refuses to live.

Back to you, Heckel and Jeckel.