Are we really at midseason? I guess so.
Here's Joe Concha's views of week eight:
Joe Concha
Can you believe it? We're already at the halfway point of the NFL season!
And while no team would ever dream of ordering the champagne now for their Super Bowl victory, that hasn't stopped the cockiest team on the planet since the '85 Bears, Team Obama, from not only booking their election night party, but writing their first State of the Union speech three months in advance!
You stay classy, Barack.
And since I'm all about living in the here and now, let's immediately get to my not-for-profit picks for Week 8:
Jets over Chiefs: Unlike Isiah Thomas, the Jets won't sleepwalk through this one.
Ouch. Too soon?
Steelers over Giants: Obama says he's rooting for Pittsburgh but also has a lot of love for the Giants.
Raiders over Ravens: Watching Oakland celebrate their OT win like they just won the Super Bowl last week was not unlike Keith Olbermann's end-zone dance in beating O'Reilly in one demo last week. Like the Raiders, KO isn't used to the taste of victory and therefore handled the small news more like Chad Johnson and less like Barry Sanders.
The fact is that The Factor beats Countdown (the American version of the old Soviet-run news agency, Pravda) 94 percent of the time in the demo and about 100 percent of the time in total audience. If O'Reilly and the supple Olbermann were in standings that resembled the NFL after a 16-game season, it would look like this:
NFC (News Football Conference) Standings:
Team W L
X-O'Reilly 15-1
Y-Olbermann 1-15
X- Clinched Conference Title
Y- As in "How is this clown doing political commentary?"
Chargers over Saints (from London): A London Times Poll says 11 percent of British fans will root for the 'Bolts, while 8 percent like the Saints. The other 81 percent will have the pom-poms out for Obama, Europe's man with a plan, who is also scheduled to open for Coldplay at Wembley in February.
Rams over Pats: Watching the Breeders' Cup coverage on ESPN and just got fooled by their color commentator's name for the Breeders Cup due to his lack of color. "Hi, I'm Kenny Mayne joined by...Randy Moss? Gee Randy, I thought you were taller by about seven inches (in more ways than one), had a bit more hair and were experiencing a horrific Fantasy Football season." ESPN's Randy Moss looks like the Commish or whoever that guy is that on The Shield on FX...
Dolphins (+1) over Bills: I refuse to accept that if the AFC Championship were to be played today that the Bills would meet the Titans in Tennessee. But as Biden says, "Mark my words, within six months the Bills be tested..." so perhaps this is the week a saner universe where the Titans and Bills are forever 9-7 or 7-9 returns to everyone's collective relief.
Cowboys (-2) over Bucs: When the combined ages of your starting quarterbacks easily eclipses that of McCain's, go with the one playing at home with a whiff of desperation in the air.
Falcons over Eagles: Matt Ryan...come get both your Most Unlikely Guy to Resurrect a Doomed Franchise Award! The GOP will likely be handing out a similar award four years from now if America doesn't wake up from the hypnosis the media has them under, like, quickly.
Panthers over Cards: Three rules to remember:
1) Never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city (OK, that's an underrated line from Teen Wolf)
2) Never believe that the media will actually will look into how much Joe Biden spent on his teeth and Botox. But rest assured that rented clothes for Sarah Palin, the only candidate in the race who isn't a millionaire, will be so important that it makes the friggin' FRONT PAGE of the New York Times.
3) Never, EVER, bet on the Cardinals anytime they venture anywhere east of the Pacific Time Zone. Never. Really.
We're talking eternity here...
Redskins over Lions: Only one rule to remember here...never, ever bet on the Lions until the stench of Matt Miilen dissipates. Some people call that time around September of 2009. In a related prediction, except Millen to go back to his pontificating ways on FOX/ESPN/ESPN2/NBC/CBS/NFL Network/Versus/Lifetime sometime in the next 12 minutes...
Having Millen talk football strategy is like watching Chris Kofinis provide "expert" analysis on MSNBC: "Hey, listen to me! I ran a pathetic campaign for John Edwards! And I'm the most unlikable political pundit since Paul Begala! So now I'm going to tell you how these guys running for President should be handling strategy!"
Browns over Jags: Absolutely, as my buddy Mike calls it, the worst color game of all-time. Brown and black meets teal and yellow in this unwatchable matchup.
Texans over Bengals: When a 2-4 team is favored by 9 points over anyone, you know the Bengals MUST be nearby. Of course, this was the same city that elected Jerry Springer its mayor at age 33...
49ers over Seahawks: Another rule to consider: Never trust a quarterback whose first and last name sounds like a soft drink. And in a related story, Seneca Wallace gets the start for Seattle.
Colts over Titans: More of an emotional pick than anything based in reality, but life is always more interesting with Peyton in the mix. It's like when a pre-Weight Watchers Newt was there to play Bill Clinton's perfect foil with the Republicans took over the Senate in ‘94.
Who will be Obama's foil if he actually gets elected?
Romney? Doesn't want to get his hands dirty...
Rudy? The Notre Dame version may be a better bet.
Honestly I don't know who will emerge from this mess of an election. But here's one more prediction for you:
Whoever wins will do so by no more than 2 percentage points. If we've learned one thing, it's that Obama is like the Chargers: Talented, flashy, but no ability to close in a foot-on-a-throat kind of way if Hillary's flourish after being mathematically eliminated is any indication.
So to those who are already buying tickets to fly to Chicago for the big party Obama already has the audacity of hope to plan, I offer this:
Don't underestimate the intelligence of the American people to see through what the media has been telling them for the better part on 10 months. Remember, the only two entities that own a lower approval rating than President Bush are:
1) The Democratically-controlled Congress
2) The national media
Either way, like the NFL, this election season makes for some damn good reality.
Jets (-13) over Chiefs
Steelers (-3) over Giants
Raiders (+7) over Ravens
Chargers (-3) over Saints
Dolphins (+1.5) over Bills
Cowboys (-2.5) over Bucs
Falcons (+9) over Eagles
Rams (+7.5) over Pats
Panthers (-4) over Cards
Redskins (-7.5) over Lions
Browns (+7) over Jags
Texans (-9) over Bengals
49ers (-5) over Seahawks)
Colts (+4) over Titans
Joe Concha is a weekly contributor to NewsBusters. Email questions or comments to joeconcha@yahoo.com
