Don Surber has a faux New York Times story (more faux than usual) about how the Times would cover a New York Yankees game in the manner they cover Iraq.
Bias? In the NYT? What if John F. Burns were recalled from Baghdad to cover this week's Yankees-Red Sox series? Wouldn't that be fun? Here is how I imagine that report of Game 1 at Yankee Stadium would go:Fans came trickling into Yankee Stadium amid fears that their hometown team would implode. Only 55,246 fans attended the game.Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina was in trouble early as Covelli "Coco" Crisp opened the game with a double for the Sox of Red.
The higher paid Yankees were futile as they tried to deal with the insurgent Crisp. Their battle plan was wrong, and coaches in the field admitted as much off the record. Although the next three batters each struck out, Mussina was a tired, overpaid pitcher, ill-equipped to deal with the flexibility of the speedy Crisp.
In the home half of inning Johnny Damon walked, but was quickly erased in fielders choice. the Yankees were hemmed into a Green Zone by Josh Beckett's pitches.
Yankee batters lacked the proper body armor to face Boston pitchers as Jorge Posada would discover when he was hit with a pitch later, in the bottom of the third. It was a near-fatal blow that the trainer admitted could have been deadly if the pitch had been thrown faster and at his temple, and he had his helmet off.
In the top of the second, the Boston assault began in earnest with the Yankees unable to tell when the Sox of Red would next score. First Trot Nixon singled. Then Kevin Youkillis singled. Then Mike Lowell singled to tie the game at 1.
The Red Sox had Mussina on the ropes. It was the 2004 playoffs all over again. You could see it in the eyes of the fans. They knew the Yankees could not stop the Boston team.
Jason Varitek gave himself up in a sacrifice double play and Boston soon ended the inning with twice as many runs as the Yankees.
It was useless. The Yankees were too far behind. Caught in a quagmire after but 1 1/2 innings, experts in the Yankee clubhouse said they would give up soon.
