ABC’s Bachelor and Bachelorette franchises have been in the headlines quite a bit as of late as the woke mob had decided to infiltrate one of reality TV’s earliest shows, turning what’s already a dumpster fire of drama and adding a side of wokeism.
But on Monday’s Bachelorette, conservatives achieved a small victory when contestant Mike Planeta revealed his virginity during a group date that challenged each guy to be “sex-positive” in a skit meant to woo lead Katie Thurston and, despite Thurston’s outspokenness on sex, gave him first place for the date.
Planeta and nine other guys were selected for the first group date of the season and quickly learned that their event would be NSFW and personal as podcast host and sex expert Heather McDonald informed them that she would help “sex-positive” Thurston determine who was “the greatest lover of all time.”
As for how, McDonald would have each guy give “a presentation” where things like bondage and sex toys would be up for usage.
Planeta revealed in a cutaway that he “had a feeling that that was the direction it was gonna go” and “if we're talking about sex, I personally want to share that within marriage.”
After two trivia questions on female anatomy, McDonald upped the ante by asking “what is your go-to sex position” and “when was the last time you had sex.”
For both questions, Planeta wrote a question mark on his whiteboard “because I want [Katie to hear it from my lips first.”
With the guys off devising their skits, Planeta began crying in another cutaway as he explained that even though he has “no problem” with his decision, he’s “more worried about showing her how much it means to me and...how much, like, I thought about her throughout this whole process.”
“[T]his is not something I take lightly....I won't compromise that, so I think the most devastating thing that can happen out of this is if Katie didn't hear my heart and didn't understand where I was coming from,” he added.
Before his turn, Planeta admitted that while he was worried Thurston could send him home, he knew the right call was to “look her dead in the face and be like, I'm gonna show a side of me that, in my opinion, I think is what love should be.”
Inviting Thurston on-stage to sit with him on the end of a bed, he began reading from a notebook a letter “to my future wife” (click “expand”):
MIKE: I want to share where my heart's at, okay?
THURSTON: Yeah.
MIKE: To my future wife, I've always wondered what you would be like. Would you be sweet? Would you be tender? Or would you be full of fire and passion? I think it's that one. [THURSTON LAUGHS] Would you be funny, or would you be shy? We know you're funny And last, what kind of mother would you be? I've always wanted you to feel so loved and honored and the best way for me to show you this is by saving myself for you. Love is hard. Sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally. But I want you to know is that I would wait another 31 years to have sex if it is what proved to you that I would sacrifice everything for you to feel loved and secure and that is why I would be the greatest lover for you.
THURSTON: Oh, that's so beautiful! Oh, my God.
AUDIENCE: Whoo!
THURSTON: Thank you so much.
MIKE: Yeah.
In her own cutaway, Thurston herself began to cry as she felt so moved by the fact that Planeta would sign onto the show and date her given the fact that their views on sexual activity were diametrically opposite:
Oh, my God. Mike acknowledged that he knows exactly who I am. Like, I'm gonna get emotional just talking about it. For him to choose to be here for me, knowing who I am, how I am, that's probably what, like, hit me the most.
Once the guys all finished, McDonald announced Planeta as the winner and invited him on stage to hug Thurston and receive a rather large trophy.
In a post-date cutaway, he let loose a big exhale before saying it “was wild,” adding that “[i]n a sex-positive kind of event like that, I don't think anyone thought the virgin was gonna come out on top, but I just think that shows that intimacy comes in so many different forms. I'm pretty happy.”
To see the relevant ABC transcript from June 14, click “expand.”
ABC’s The Bachelorette
June 14, 2021
8:05 p.m. EasternHEATHER MCDONALD: As you can see, today is about lots and lots of...love.
THOMAS: I have never dated anyone in the past as comfortable as Katie is with her sexuality, so I have no idea what we have in store.
KATIE THURSTON: I brought my friend, who is also a mother, a wife, a writer, a comedian, but most importantly, the host of the Juicy Scoop podcast, Heather McDonald.
MCDONALD: Thank you, Katie. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THOMAS: All right.
GARRETT: Heather McDonald's a really well-known comedian. She's well-known for one specific area, I believe, and that's sex.
MCDONALD: I knew from the moment I saw you walk out that first night that you were a strong, confident woman, a sex-positive woman. And I'm excited to be here and help you find a great lover. Not just any lover, the greatest lover of all time.
KARL: Oh, wow.
MIKE: I had a feeling that that was the direction it was gonna go. I mean, if we're talking about sex, I personally want to share that within marriage.
MCDONALD: What's the woman's largest sex organ? [LAUGHTER] Answer? Vagina, vagina, tongue, vagina. Her brain. It is the brain.
KARL: What? Aw, man.
MCDONALD: So congrats on that.
JUSTIN: So Heather's giving us questions about, you know, the body, to see if we know what we're talking about and know what we're doing.
MCDONALD: How many erogenous zones does the female body have?
JAMES: What does “erogenous" mean?
TRE: Erogenous?
QUARTNEY: Heather's asking us questions that I wish I would've paid more attention to in anatomy.
MCDONALD: What article of clothing increases a woman's chance of having an orgasm?
QUARTNEY: She's talking about different female body parts. Should I know these answers?
MCDONALD: Okay, silk. A bra, lingerie. Surprisingly, the answer is socks.
UNIDENTIFIED GUY: Whoa!
QUARTNEY: I learned some stuff today.
MCDONALD: What's the most effective sex tool for women?
MIKE: This is harder than I thought it was gonna be. For me, there's probably even more pressure because I've never had sex.
MCDONALD: What is your go-to sex position? Okay, missionary. Doggy. Wheelbarrow! Reverse cowgirl, always fun.
THURSTON: Mystery man.
MCDONALD: A question mark. Okay. Okay, when was the last time you had sex?
MIKE: Do I write that I'm a virgin, you know?
MCDONALD: Two months.
THURSTON: Mmmm.
MCDONALD: Question mark.
THURSTON: Mm-hmm.
MIKE: I just put question marks, because I want her to hear it from my lips first.
MCDONALD: Now remember, guys, I'm here to help Katie find the greatest lover, so you're going to show her in a presentation, what makes you the greatest lover.
MIKE: I knew I was gonna be put in this situation this way, that it was gonna be challenging. I didn't think it would come this quick, to be honest.
MCDONALD: I've got some things that you can work with. And then you're gonna come back here and you're do it in front of Katie, and myself, and a live audience.
CONNOR: Oh, my God.
MIKE: I have no problem talking about the fact that I'm waiting till marriage.
THURSTON: Your props. Whatever you want to interpret what makes you the greatest lover.
MIKE: I'm more worried about showing her how much it means to me and showing her how much, like, I thought about her throughout this whole process. Like, this is not something I take lightly. It's something that I kind of — [CRYING] — like, I won't compromise that, so I think the most devastating thing that can happen out of this is if Katie didn't hear my heart and didn't understand where I was coming from. [CRYING]
(....)
8:13 p.m. Eastern
CONNOR [SINGING]: I'm not the tallest guy, You've ever picked up in a bar, But I'm comfy in an airplane ♪ ♪ Or the backseat of your car ♪ ♪
TRE: I think all of us are nervous to put on this performance. Today's about finding who could be the greatest lover of all time for Katie.
QUARTNEY: I usually don't bring out my sexuality like this, but Katie's a very sex-positive person, so I'm gonna lay it all out there for Katie.
MIKE: I'm nervous. If Katie can't accept that I'm a virgin, I think — I'd end up going home. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MCDONALD: Welcome. Welcome, you guys. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AARON: I'm not on a date today, but we get to be a part of the audience. And I am excited to see Katie have a good time, laugh, so I'm pretty excited to see what it's gonna be.
MCDONALD: Katie is here to find the greatest lover of all time.
(....)
8:18 p.m. Eastern
MCDONALD: Our next performer is Mike. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
UNIDENTIFIED GUY: Mike.
THURSTON: Whoo!
MIKE: I'm gonna grab you.
THURSTON: Oh!
MIKE: Yeah.
THURSTON: Okay, okay. Oh, thank you. Thank you.
MIKE: When you have all these guys going in the polar opposite direction of where you know you're about to go, you definitely are thinking, I can handle this one of two ways. I can run and hide and not show who I am. [TO THURSTON] Right on the bed here.
THURSTON: On the bed? Okay, okay.
MIKE: Yeah, just — or I can look her dead in the face and be like, I'm gonna show a side of me that, in my opinion, I think is what love should be. [TO THURSTON] I want to share where my heart's at, okay?
THURSTON: Yeah.
MIKE: To my future wife, I've always wondered what you would be like. Would you be sweet? Would you be tender? Or would you be full of fire and passion? I think it's that one. [THURSTON LAUGHS] Would you be funny, or would you be shy? We know you're funny And last, what kind of mother would you be? I've always wanted you to feel so loved and honored and the best way for me to show you this is by saving myself for you. Love is hard. Sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally. But I want you to know is that I would wait another 31 years to have sex if it is what proved to you that I would sacrifice everything for you to feel loved and secure and that is why I would be the greatest lover for you.
THURSTON: Oh, that's so beautiful! Oh, my God.
AUDIENCE: Whoo!
THURSTON: Thank you so much.
MIKE: Yeah.
THURSTON: Oh, my God. Mike acknowledged that he knows exactly who I am. Like, I'm gonna get emotional just talking about it. For him to choose to be here for me, knowing who I am, how I am, that's probably what, like, hit me the most.
MCDONALD: There can only be one greatest lover of all time, and that person is Mike.
THURSTON: Yeah!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GUYS: Speech, speech, speech.
MIKE: [EXHALES] That was wild. In a sex-positive kind of event like that, I don't think anyone thought the virgin was gonna come out on top, but I just think that shows that intimacy comes in so many different forms. I'm pretty happy.
QUARTNEY: Good job, bro.
MIKE: Thanks, man.
QUARTNEY: Yes.
KARL: Good [bleep], bro.
QUARTNEY: Thanks, due.
KARL: I love it, man. [TO THE CAMERA] Mike P. Gets the trophy for today, but this is literally just half the battle, right? The group date rose, it's up for grabs, so tonight is redemption. I gotta get my head right. I gotta get back in the game and that way, I can still end this thing the right way.
