Late Tuesday on CBS’s The Late Show, host Stephen Colbert riffed at length about the continuing downfall of his former boss and alleged sexual predator Les Moonves, who stepped down as the CEO of CBS in September after accusations of rampant sexual assault and harassment from several past female colleagues. But ultimately, in spite of the seriousness of the charges against Moonves, Colbert concluded that the disgraced former chief executive would still be a better President of the United States than Donald Trump.
During his opening monologue, Colbert summarized the latest piece of bad news for Moonves:
Closer to home, there is news about former CBS chairman and reason we all have to go through sensitivity training, Les Moonves. You'll recall that Moonves left CBS after allegations of sexual harassment and assault. CBS investigated the claims and determined that Les Moonves will not receive his 120 million dollar severance.
(…)
Investigators say Moonves should forfeit the severance in part because of "…his willful failure to cooperate fully with the Company's investigation." How on Earth did Les Moonves thinks [sic] he'd get away with that?
After making a couple of jokes about CBS’s well-known history under Moonves of promoting police procedural shows, Colbert connected the former CBS executive’s alleged behavior to accusations of sexual misconduct against President Trump and said that Moonves would “still be better” as president:
But don't worry about Mr. Moonves. In the past ten years, his compensation totaled more than one billion dollars. One billion! With an -illion! What's he gonna do now? What job could a famous TV billionaire with sexual allegations possibly get — oh, my god! Oh! [Cheers and applause]
Oh, oh. He'd still be better.
According to multiple media reports, Moonves has been accused (among various other things) of forcing women to have oral sex with him, kissing and groping women without their consent, having an employee on call to give him oral sex, and threatening the careers of others who would not comply with his sexual demands. Colbert did not go into these details during Tuesday night’s show.
A transcript of the segment with the full context of Colbert's comments can be found below:
CBS's The Late Show
December 18, 2018
11:43 p.m. Eastern
STEPHEN COLBERT: Closer to home, there is news about former CBS chairman and reason we all have to go through sensitivity training, Les Moonves. You'll recall that Moonves left CBS after allegations of sexual harassment and assault. CBS investigated the claims and determined that Les Moonves will not receive his 120 million dollar severance. [Cheers and applause] Wait. Hold on. Wait, I think our network has the perfect sound effect for this:
[The Price Is Right losing horn]
I wonder what's gonna happen to all that money — 120 million dollars. I'm pretty sure it goes to me. [Laughter] Do I get it? I get half of it. I get half of it. The other half goes to Tom Selleck's mustache.
Investigators say Moonves should forfeit the severance in part because of "…his willful failure to cooperate fully with the Company's investigation." How on Earth did Les Moonves thinks [sic] he'd get away with that? Every show he greenlit for the last twenty years was about investigations. [Laughter] On the bright side -- on the bright side -- on the bright side, CBS has enough material for a new procedural: "NCIS: Human Resources." [Cheers and applause] Look, we're gonna need your key card. [Laughter]
But don't worry about Mr. Moonves. In the past ten years, his compensation totaled more than one billion dollars. One billion! With an -illion! What's he gonna do now? What job could a famous TV billionaire with sexual allegations possibly get — oh, my god! Oh! [Cheers and applause]
Oh, oh. He'd still be better.
