On Friday’s Need to Know program on PBS, during the show’s regular "Next Week’s News" humor segment, as liberal satirist Andrew Borowitz recited four predictions for next week, in two of his items he took shots at the intelligence of prominent conservatives – Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Playing off the upcoming confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan, Borowitz predicted:
Blasting Elena Kagan for her lack of judging experience, GOP Senators will propose an alternative: Paula Abdul. As a judge on American Idol, Ms. Abdul often seemed absent and didn’t say anything. But one Senator will argue you could say the same thing about Clarence Thomas.
After poking fun at the idea of people protesting illegal immigration from Canada, and at what leftist Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez may do with his new Twitter account, Borowitz returned to trashing the intelligence of conservatives:
And finally, some news out of Wasilla, Alaska. Sarah Palin will make it official: She has now written more books than she has read. When asked which of her two books is her favorite, Governor Palin will reply, "All of them."
Below is a transcript of the relevant segment from the Friday, May 14, Need to Know on PBS:
JON MEACHAM: But we do think we can use a good laugh at the end of a long week. Satirist Andrew Borowitz has been predicting the news for years in the pages of the New Yorker and at his humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He’s back this week as our correspondent from the future, bringing us next week’s news. Andrew?
ANDREW BOROWITZ: Thank you, Jon. Justice, immigration, politics – these are all nouns. They’re also the top stories from "Next Week’s News." Blasting Elena Kagan for her lack of judging experience, GOP Senators will propose an alternative: Paula Abdul. As a judge on American Idol, Ms. Abdul often seemed absent and didn’t say anything. But one Senator will argue you could say the same thing about Clarence Thomas.
Immigration foes will gather on our northern border protesting what they see as a dangerous influx of Canadians. In the words of one protester, "We’re sick of these people sneaking across the border and stealing our hockey jobs."
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez will become the most active totalitarian dictator on Twitter. Here are Hugo’s top Tweets from next week: "America is the devil," "Death to capitalism," and "I heart Justin Beiber."
And finally, some news out of Wasilla, Alaska. Sarah Palin will make it official: She has now written more books than she has read. When asked which of her two books is her favorite, Governor Palin will reply, "All of them."
