After the vote to impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas failed, host of CBS’s The Late Show, Stephen Colbert, and NBC’s Late Night host, Seth Meyers, took the time on Wednesday to celebrate and hail the “heroic return” and “dramatic” return of Democratic Rep. Al Green from the hospital that doomed the vote.
Colbert recalled, “Republicans thought they could lose three of their votes and still win the impeachment vote. But they did not count on the heroic return of Texas Democratic Congressman and businessman werewolf, Al Green.”
Enjoying Republicans struggle, Colbert continued, “The GOP was counting on Green not showing up because he was in the hospital recovering from abdominal surgery. But he learned about the impeachment vote while watching television, so he grabbed an Uber to the Capitol. That takes a lot of guts, some of which might still be in the back of that Uber. Then he arrived on the floor of Congress still in a hospital gown with no shoes. Turns out, he was wearing one boot, but he left it in Mike Johnson's ass.”
Over on NBC, Meyers reached for the WWE analogy, “Amazing, so basically, one surprise Democrat screwed the Republicans by showing up at the last minute, like Stone Cold Steve Austin interrupting a wrestling match. Although Democratic Congressman Al Green's entrance was actually more dramatic than Stone Cold's, as he was in the hospital recovering from emergency abdominal surgery last Friday and Republicans therefore assumed he wouldn't be present for the vote, but he was.”
Meyers proceed to extensively quote the New York Times’s account of Green’s actions, including quotations from Green himself, “'I was determined to cast the vote long before I had no idea how close it was going to be,' Mr. Green said in an interview on Tuesday' night from his hospital bed, where he had returned shortly after voting. I didn't come assuming that my vote was going to make a difference. I came because it was personal.'”
Clearly, Meyers was a fan, “Whoa, ‘I came because it was personal,’ delivered from a hospital bed after making a surprise last-minute appearance to cast a deciding vote is one hell of a line. I mean, who's gonna play Al Green in the movie about this? Schwarzenegger?”
Meyers continued his adoration for Green by doing a Schwarzenegger impression, “Hello, my name is congressman Al Green from Texas. And I came because it is personal. Now I must return to my hospital bed. But just remember, like I always say, 'I, Al Green, will be back.' You know me for my tan socks.”
Colbert and Meyers should get their laughs in now because Republicans may try again later and the border is still a mess.
Here are transcripts for the February 7-taped shows:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
2/7/2024
11:40 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: Here's what happened. Republicans thought they could lose three of their votes and still win the impeachment vote. But they did not count on the heroic return of Texas Democratic Congressman and businessman werewolf, Al Green. The GOP was counting on Green not showing up because he was in the hospital recovering from abdominal surgery. But he learned about the impeachment vote while watching television, so he grabbed an Uber to the Capitol. That takes a lot of guts, some of which might still be in the back of that Uber. Then he arrived on the floor of Congress still in a hospital gown with no shoes. Turns out, he was wearing one boot, but he left it in Mike Johnson's ass.
***
NBC Late Night with Seth Meyers
2/8/2024
12:45 AM ET
SETH MEYERS: Amazing, so basically, one surprise Democrat screwed the Republicans by showing up at the last minute, like Stone Cold Steve Austin interrupting a wrestling match. Although Democratic Congressman Al Green's entrance was actually more dramatic than Stone Cold's, as he was in the hospital recovering from emergency abdominal surgery last Friday and Republicans therefore assumed he wouldn't be present for the vote, but he was. Here's how it went down according to the New York Times.
"Three House Republicans had already cast votes against impeaching Mayorkas, and based on attendance at the previous vote, the GOP could afford no more. Then, like a scene out of a political thriller, Representative Al Green, Democrat of Texas, appeared at the last moment to cast a surprise ballot from a wheelchair, wearing blue hospital clothing and tan socks. He voted no. Mr. Green's vote was decisive. It tied up the measure, 215-215, and handed a stunning defeat to Speaker Mike Johnson. 'I was determined to cast the vote long before I had no idea how close it was going to be,' Mr. Green said in an interview on Tuesday' night from his hospital bed, where he had returned shortly after voting. I didn't come assuming that my vote was going to make a difference. I came because it was personal.'
Whoa, "I came because it was personal," delivered from a hospital bed after making a surprise last-minute appearance to cast a deciding vote is one hell of a line. I mean, who's gonna play Al Green in the movie about this? Schwarzenegger?
[SCHWARZENEGGER IMPRESSION] "Hello, my name is congressman Al Green from Texas. And I came because it is personal. Now I must return to my hospital bed. But just remember, like I always say, 'I, Al Green, will be back.' You know me for my tan socks.
[NORMAL VOICE] You know, it's an impression that's so good that sometimes I will admit we force it
