CBS The Late Show host Stephen Colbert must live a rather dull life because how else does one come to the conclusion that the FBI raid on former President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home is like Christmas? Not only did Colbert compare the raid to that holiday on Tuesday, he also declared the related news headline “the most beautiful sentence America has ever produced.”
Colbert kicked off his opening monologue by reporting that while it may have been 96 degrees outside, “in here it's Christmas.”
To a rambunctious applause from the studio audience, Colbert continued, “Because yesterday, we all got the present we wanted: FBI agents raided Mar-a-Lago.”
After blowing kisses to the camera and hugging himself, Colbert elaborated on the news, “Here's what we know: early Monday morning, the FBI Executed a search warrant on the former president's offices and personal quarters…So, we know the raid happened, but we still don’t know why the raid happened, because we don't yet know what was in the warrant.”
The raid is like Christmas, but we also still have several unknowns? For most people that would seem like a contradiction, but Stephen Colbert is not most people, “Think about that. We're talking about the former president of the United States of America. The FBI raids his home, and all we can think is, ‘Hmm, I wonder which of his crimes they're investigating.’”
Admitting to not knowing the context around something, but still comparing it to Christmas and treating it as historically positive development is why so many people have reacted to the raid with suspicion or even outright hostility.
This segment was sponsored by Old Navy.
Here is a transcript for the August 9 show:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
8/9/2022
11:38 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: I’m your host, Stephen Colbert. It is-- what is it? What was it today? It was like 96 degrees outside. Thank you all for standing up in this heat and being here tonight. Of course, it may be hot out there--you're the heroes. Stay hydrated. It may be hot outside, but in here it's Christmas. Because yesterday, we all got the present we wanted: FBI agents raided Mar-a-Lago.
That’s the most beautiful sentence America has ever produced. It's right up there with "We put cheese inside the crust."
Here's what we know: early Monday morning, the FBI Executed a search warrant on the former president's offices and personal quarters. I feel bad for those agents. "Sir, I finished searching the cabinet full of empty chicken buckets. Where should I go next? Please don't say the bathroom. Please don't say the bathroom. Please don't say the bathroom."
So, we know the raid happened, but we still don’t know why the raid happened, because we don't yet know what was in the warrant. Think about that. We're talking about the former president of the United States of America. The FBI raids his home, and all we can think is, "Hmm, I wonder which of his crimes they're investigating." Because he's done so many, it's hard.
