'Limitless' Bailout: Corporate Titan Kills for Government Cash

September 30th, 2015 2:11 AM

What’s worse, big drug companies poisoning Americans or the military industrial complex? What if both left-wing bogeymen--or is it bogeypersons--were combined into a single entity determined to keep the government funded gravy train flowing at all costs, even if it meant murdering innocent Americans?

Last night’s Limitless introduced viewers to a dastardly bio-tech CEO willing to murder an American general to keep the gravy train flowing. The general wanted to divert his bioweapons budget to the far more noble pursuit of “energy independence,” (something tells me the general didn’t intend to fund fracking or deep water drilling research). But Miles Amos (Sam Robards), the head of fictional bio-tech firm, Eukaryote, can’t let that happen.

Amos attempts to use his firm’s research to murder General Ram Ananda (Mihran Shlougian), knowing his replacement would be far more amenable to bioweapons research spending. Amos develops a genetically targeted virus, and infects Ananda’s mistress, hoping the infection will eventually be transmitted to the general. While the FBI catches on to the plot and is able to save General Ananda’s life, Amos kills three innocent Americans in his quest to keep his corporate welfare.

The Limitless star, Brian Finch (Jake McDorman), has cracked the case, but the FBI can’t prove anything. (The virus, conveniently, leaves no trace in its victim). Fortunately, in addition to being an evil executive, Miles Amos is also a “petty tyrant” and a “murderous douche,” hated by his employees who jump at the chance to rat out their boss to the feds. Watch for yourself as the flood of emails from Eukaryote employees pours into Finch’s non-FBI inbox:


Are you familiar with the concept of a genetically targeted virus?

They don't exist yet. Sure, I get the idea-- I do run a biolab.

Actually, we think there's been a breakthrough. We're investigating the possibility that someone released a virus targeting descendants of Genghis Khan at a coffee shop uptown.

Genghis Khan was not a good guy, but it's a little late in the game for revenge, don't you think?

Well, it's not about revenge-- it was an attempt to kill an Army general named Ram Ananda.

If you're right, that's terrifying. Who are you looking at, foreign intelligence?

Ananda sat on an appropriations committee for the Army. They have a vote in a couple of weeks. And, among other things, they'll be deciding whether or not to drastically reduce the budget for funding research into biological weapons.

Now, General Ananda had the swing vote, but he believes army resources are better directed toward energy Independence.

But if he dies, the man in line to take his place is a hawk on biological weapons. This place of yours, Eukaryote, you have one client, right? The Army. So if that vote goes the wrong way, then everything you've built is gone.

That's absurd. We'd find work.

Miles, you wrote your masters' thesis on the genetic marker linked to Genghis Khan. I mean, I read it; it was a good read. It was a little simplistic. I can see why you run the business side of things.

I'm gonna get my lawyer on the phone. Although, to be honest, I don't even think I need him here for this-- I'm waiting to hear a piece of actual evidence.

We have you on tape spraying the virus. That's you. See the birthmark?

That virus your lab made, it's a massive breakthrough. And there's no way you destroyed your research, which means the proof that you did this is somewhere in the building.

This meeting is an opportunity for you to give us those files. If you don't, we can take that picture to a judge and get a warrant, but then you've lost your only chance to cooperate. You'll be facing three charges of murder.

If you can get a judge to believe that's me, you have evidence of what? The fact that I used an aerosol can? The virus, if it exists, leaves no trace of itself behind. You have no evidence of murder here, just a statistical quirk. You don't even have the means to compel a warrant. And I suspect you know that which is why you're trying to bluff me.

You know that didn't go well, right, Brian?

Oh, yeah, no. We crashed and burned. That was really embarrassing, but, honestly, ever since I saw that video in the lobby, I really just want a crack at his employees. Tag me in?


Tag me in, real quick, before I do this. Tag me in, like that.


Aw, forget about it. Uh, excuse me, everyone. Hello? Guys. My name is Brian Finch. How you doing? Um, this is Rebecca Harris. We're from the FBI.

What are you doing?

That sounds so cool. Um... Show the badge.

What are you doing?

Show them the badge. The FBI badge. I don't have a badge yet, so. Here, you're gonna have to trust me, okay? These people hate Miles Amos. I've had a lot of temp jobs, and I took gym class.


I know a petty tyrant. Tag me in. Dope! Put it up. Listen, guys, it may have come to your attention that you work for a douche. The "Fire that cleanses the forest"? What?! Can you even believe that? But what you may not know is that you work for a murderous douche. If you've been doing research into genetically targeted viruses, then your boss has used your work to kill three people already.

What are you two doing?

And the thing is, guys, we can't prove it right now without the files.

Call security right now.

So, if you hate Miles Amos-- and I know you do-- I'm offering you the opportunity to e-mail me those files anonymously.

Get the hell out of my building.

All right? And if I'm wrong, don't worry about it. No harm, no foul. But if you think that man's capable of killing people, e-mail me at... We don't have an FBI e-mail for me?


At... Ninjaversusbear @reabsorbedtwin.com. Brian: N-I-N-J-A. Lookie here. It's an e-mail from Eukaryote. Look at that. And another one. And another one. Wow, man, you got a morale issue. What's up, dude? Remember when you weren't going to jail five minutes ago? That was dope. Keep 'em coming, guys

At the end of the day, justice is served, a CEO is behind bars, and the military can get back to building windmills instead of weapons. On the upside, at least Brian Finch recognizes he should be using an FBI email account for official business, unlike a certain unnamed presidential candidate.