If you had the displeasure of watching the first season (“Part 1”) of Netflix’s comedy That ‘90s Show, you already know the show loves to sexualize children, much like its predecessor That ‘70s Show, which aired on Fox from ’98 to ‘06. The writers were apparently determined to keep that theme alive in the newest season (“Part 2”), as creepy pedophilic and masturbation “jokes” set to cringey laugh tracks were used, along with the teens constantly getting stoned, drinking, having sex and stealing.
For reference, the kids are supposed to be anywhere from 14-17, and teens are their target audience. You’d think it couldn’t get much worse than last season when:
- Donna (Laura Prepon) gives her daughter Leia (Callie Haverda) advice on anal sex.
- Kelso (Ashton Kutcher) tells the kids to be sure they’re naked when they jump from a local cliff into the water, “'Cause when you hit the water at the right angle, it's like doing it with a lake.”
- Leia’s grandfather Bob (Don Stark) sings I’ll Make Love to You to her when a karaoke machine he gave her for her 15th birthday plays the wrong song.
- A pedophile grandma tricks teens Jay (Mace Coronel) and Nate (Maxwell Acee Donovan) into her hot tub where she sexually assaults them with her foot as a laugh track plays. Her granddaughter later reveals she does it “all the time,” especially to “the cute ones”:
Granddaughter: Grandma! No! I told you to stop tricking guys into your hot tub.
Nate: What? She didn't do that. We're just trying it out before we take it.
Jay: Bro, I think that's the trick.
Grandmother: I've got a free king-size bed upstairs if you'd like to try that out.
Nate: It's free?
Jay: Bro!
Grandmother: Sorry she wasted your time.
Jay: No, it wasn't a waste. I was getting down on myself, and she gave me really good advice.
Granddaughter: Yeah, she always helps out the cute ones.
Nate: I am reporting you to the Pennysaver.
Grandmother: Ooh!
But Season 2 (“Part 2”) was just as determined to sexualize the children. Case in point, episode 2, “Something to Talk About,” where the friend group approach teen Nikki’s (Sam Morelos) door and assume she’s masturbating when they hear her grunting:
Nikki: (Grunting )
Ozzie: It's a lot of grunting. Did Nikki make up with Nate already?
Gwen: No. This might be a solo ride on the pleasure train.
Leia: It's supposed to be this loud?
Gwen: Hey, Nikki. Hope you're at a natural stopping point because Leia's here to apologize.
Leia: Oh, good. You opened the door.
Nikki: Yeah, so I could slam it in your face.
Gwen: Okay, you better go.
Leia: But what about my Frosty?
Ozzie: Do you honestly believe you deserve a Frosty?
Leia: I do not.
Gwen: Nikki?
Ozzie: Oh, thank God. It's just Tae Bo.
It’s not like the writers don’t realize these are children they’re writing these “jokes” for. In the same episode, Kitty (Debra Jo Rupp) chastises her husband Red (Kurtwood Smith) for “threatening a child” after he has words with Jay, because he was caught kissing Leia in her bedroom.
More masturbation jokes ensue in episode 3, “Just a Friend,” after Jay gives Nate a porn tape to cheer him up after a breakup:
Nate: Seeing Nik doing so well… I thought I was at rock bottom, but I was just rock middle.
Jay: Dude. Here. It's a pοrn tape I swiped from my dad.
Nate: I don't know, man. I might be too sad for this. (Later) Well, that worked. It had everything. Romance, mystery. And how refreshing to see an accounting firm run by women.
Jay: Yeah, but they keep the office fun. Now give it back. Hey. Let go. This is a Kelso family heirloom.
Nate: No way, man. I was planning on being sad again before my bath.
The porn jokes continue along with the boys having to hide their erections behind a pillow as they view the tape while recording an extra copy for Nate to keep:
Nate: It'll take 45 minutes to make a copy, and the Formans just left for dinner.
Jay: Let's just, uh, hurry up. I mean, I cannot get caught doing this, bro. This is exactly the kind of thing Leia's grandpa thinks I would do.
Nate: Okay, we're all set. You hit play. I'll hit record.
Jay: Okay. One, two, three, go.
Woman: Jennifer, you forgot to fill out your 10-69 form. Let me help you with that.
Axel: Hey, ladies, I'm Axel, the maintenance guy. It's my first day.
Nate: That's where I tapped out last time. I knew what was about to happen to Axel, and I was excited for him.
Axel: Does anything need to be handled?
Woman: You can start by handling my...
Nate: Handling what?
Jay: I think the tape's jammed. Get up and fix it.
Nate: You get up and fix it.
Jay: I can't right now.
Nate: Me neither. I don't know what your excuse is, but I've got a bоnеr.
Jay: Okay, same time, then. It won't come out.
Nate: I wish Axel was here. This would never happen to him. He's so lucky.
Jay: Let's take the VCR, okay? They'll think they got robbed.
When Gwen’s (Ashley Aufderheide) new love interest announces he’s leaving for Fuddruckers after Leia catches them kissing, Leia asks incredulously, “Are you two fuddruckering?!”
Gwen quips, “No, he’s just my human Bop It. You know, bop it, twist it, pull it,” complete with hand gestures in case anyone misses what exactly she’s “bopping.” In episode 7, “Baby, Baby, Baby”, Leia plays the same “game” when she asks Jay if he wants to do “hand stuff” in a janitor’s closet.
Episode 6, “I Can See Clearly Now,” opens with Nikki and Nate back together because they can’t resist having sex with each other:
Nate: No one can know about this.
Nikki: Yes. That was the last time.
Nate: Definitely. One for the road?
Nikki: Waiting on you, cowboy. How are you so out of breath? I did all the work.
Nate: It's from cheering you on. Nik, I can't.
Nikki: Who are we kidding?
Nate: We're so good at it.
Later, Nikki, Leia and Gwen steal expensive bras because they’re fascinated by how much larger their breasts look in them, which is shown as they stare at themselves in a mirror. Nate becomes aroused when he sees Nikki wearing it, and as they rush towards each other and make out, the audience track, which one would presume is supposed to represent adults as well as teens, starts cheering with excited “oohs.”
Lots of drug use and drinking are featured, too, some in front of the adults and with their apparent consent. In episode 8, “Friends in Low Places,” adult Leo (Tommy Chong, of course) actually supplies the drugs and gets high with the kids.
Next time a teacher or other trusted adult gets caught harming a minor in any of these ways, their lawyer should just hand the jury a copy of this show and argue it’s supposed to be “funny,” because that’s sadly the message this show is sending to teens, groomers and predators.
