ABC’s American Housewife revisited their touching storyline where main character Katie's (Katy Mixon) friend Doris (Ali Wong) was angry over being pregnant with her fourth “creature,” whom she compared to parasitic lice. In Wednesday's episode, "Blue Christmas," Doris is in the hospital ready to give birth on Christmas Day - which also makes her angry and causes her to use new terms of endearment for her baby such as, “this thing” and “son-of-a-bitch.” Can't you just feel the Christmas spirit already?
They also threw in a heartwarming side story where the children of Kate and Greg (Diedrich Bader) are revolting over not being able to open their presents until their mom comes home from visiting Doris in the hospital. The youngest, most innocent child, Anna-Kat (Julia Butters), utters a few words out of love and respect for her father. Just kidding. This is Hollywood, so we can’t have children respecting their parents!
Katie: Well, least this Christmas is gonna be exciting because Doris is having a baby.
Doris: No, I am not. No Christmas baby. Christmas is my favorite day out of the year, and I'm not gonna let this thing spoil it. I ruin my kids' lives. They don't ruin mine! I'm keeping this thing in until midnight.
Angela: Uh, if it's not healthy to hold in your pee, can't imagine it’s healthy to hold in a baby.
Katie: Hey, honey. I'm gonna be here for a while.
Greg: No, no. You need to come home right now. The kids are driving me crazy.
Katie: I can’t come home yet. Doris' family is delayed. What's that noise?
Greg: Our children demanding their presents.
Taylor: Dad! Anna-Kat fell down, and she's bleeding! You need to come out here now!
Greg: Slide something under the door with her blood on it.
Ana-Kat: Open the damn door, Greg!
Greg: I'm seeing a very upsetting side of our children. I'm gonna let them open the presents.
Of course, the dad must be a wimpy push-over as well who wants to give in to his bratty children rather than disciplining them and teaching them respect.
There was also disdain for the "one percent” thrown in, as Doris is giving birth in an elaborate suite with couches, a fireplace, masseuses and gourmet room service, because she’s wealthy. Now, it all makes sense as to why the writers made her character so hateful! No one in the one percent can be a good, kind person after all.
Katie remarks, “Doris, if poor people found out that this is how the one percent give birth, they would drown you in your own cucumber water.” Doris retorts, “You may be right, but one of the benefits of being in the one percent is we don't care.” Oh, those curmudgeonly rich people! The perfect target to turn into Scrooges for Christmas!
Things get even worse as Doris starts having more contractions:
Katie: It's all right. Just breathe. You're having other contraction.
Doris: It’s not just the contractions. I'm having a fourth child. I told this thing not to come out until tomorrow, and the son of a bitch is already not listening to me.
Angela: Uh, do you realize in that scenario, you just called yourself a bitch?
Doris: Shut up, Laptop. What am I doing having another child? I haven't done a very good job with my first three.
Katie: You have done a great job.
Doris: My kids hate me.
Katie: That's true. I take back what I just said.
Angela: It's ‘cause you tiger-mom the hell out of them. Think of baby number four as an opportunity to do things differently.
Doris: You mean I could, like, validate its feelings, even if they're stupid?
Katie: Yes. That's pretty much the job.
But there’s one thing that can turn an evil, wealthy person around. Drugs, of course! Yes, as Doris gets a load of drugs in her IV, she suddenly transforms into a loving mother who is excited to give birth. But there’s still a hint of evil as she coos to her newborn, “Who's Mommy's do-over baby? You are. I'm gonna spoil you, and it's gonna drive a wedge between you and your siblings. Yes, it will!”
Aww, how sweet! Don’t Hollywood leftists know that even the Grinch has a heart at Christmas? Couldn’t they take a break from bashing successful, wealthy people just this once? Apparently, that’s too much to ask from Hollywood, even for a supposedly heartwarming Christmas episode.
